Three
by Jebbs Cullen
Summary: Events have forced Bella into a marriage with Edward when she is in love with his brother Jacob. When circumstances change will she learn to love her husband? Definitely EB!  Don't Own the characters Just having a little FUN!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Intimacy

"I know that you think I don't care about you or about how you feel, but I do!"

Bella stared at him blankly. She had made a decision to keep her emotions private ever since she was told she would have to marry him. Internally she screwed up her face and rolled her eyes but externally her face was a blank mask as it always was when he spoke to her.

She wondered where this conversation was coming from. She did think that he was insensitive, that he ignored her feelings. Did he sense that she felt that way? She'd always thought that she kept her feelings well hidden.

Edward continued, "I know that your feelings for him were…are different from your feelings or rather how you feel about me. I also know that there are um…things that you were willing to do for him, with him that you are not prepared to do with me... and I understand that. I just need you to know that because I still want to be with you in spite of that knowledge does not mean that I am insensitive or boorish. I do notice that you turn your head away and that you don't kiss me when we are um ...intimate. It's just that I love you so much, that I want to be close to you and show you how much I love you. I hope in time you will appreciate and share those feelings."

His speech was rushed, it was as though these thoughts had weighed upon him for some time now and he had to get the feelings off his chest.

Bella was stumped. How could she respond to his sudden outburst?

"You don't need to say anything Bella." Edwards said as he got up from the kitchen table and approached her where she stood at the kitchen sink.

Was he a mind reader now? As he approached she turned and busied herself at the sink. She could feel his pause. His footsteps stopped and he sighed. Then as though he had garnered up enough courage, he continued his approach. When he got to where she stood, he was cautious in his approach; he placed his hands on her hips and caressed her hip bones with his thumbs. Edward gently pulled her backward until she was pressed close to him and she could feel that he was hard. He pressed himself closer to her. His lips were close to her cheeks now and he moved to rub his face against hers.

"Bella" it was as much a moan as a plea. Bella knew where this was headed. He was aroused. His breath was hot on her neck. He began lifting her dress and pulling her backwards. Their progress was interrupted by the same chair upon which he had previously sat. Edward sat down and began unzipping his pants. Bella stood stony in front of where he sat and rolled her eyes. Despite all that he had just said it did not change her opinion of him. He took sex when he wanted it. He did not care about her arousal. It was good for him that he didn't, because if he did, he would never have sex with her. She could never be aroused by him not ever, not after their first experience together.

Edward pulled her into his lap and groaned as he felt her weight settle upon him. He pulled her dress up from the back as he rubbed his stiff member against her backside. When he was like this he did not bother to speak. She was glad as there was nothing she wanted to say to him, silence helped him concentrate on what he was doing and when he concentrated, as he always apparently did, it was soon over.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and pressed his face into her back as he moaned. Edward lifted her with one arm just enough so that he could lower her underwear. He pulled her back into his lap and threw back his head as he felt her flesh make contact with his own. With his free hand he pressed his erection against her opening.

"I love you so much Bella" Edward exclaimed as he entered her. Bella kept her head forward and her mouth shut. What did he expect? A proclamation of love? He should know better! Edward placed his hands on her hips and rocked her on his erection. After a few minutes, he let go of her hips and groped her chest through the dress. It was obvious that he was enjoying himself. It always puzzled her how a man could be so oblivious to his partner's pleasure. Her husband it seemed had mastered this art. When he had sex he was in a world of his own. Bella was just the portal to that world. She understood this to be the truth despite what he had said.

Bella noticed that he had stopped rocking and was holding her tightly. It was over ...or so she thought until he lifted her off his lap, took her hand and began leading her toward the bedroom.

"Aren't you done?" She spoke without thinking since she was taken by surprise by this sudden move when she had presumed he was done.

Edward let go of her hand. It was obvious that he felt embarrassed. He looked down at the floor and asked "Do you want me to be done Bella?" When he spoke it was barely above a whisper.

"It's ..it's just that I thought you were done already. But if you want to go to the bedroom that's fine" She had not meant to make her feelings so plain.

"Do you want me to be done Bella?" He repeated quietly

Bella did not answer. She could not give him the answer she knew he wanted to hear. She may not have liked him but she wasn't heartless. She knew he loved her in his own way. Even though she said nothing her silence spoke volumes.

Edward zipped up his pants and headed for the front door. "I'll be in the garden" he said as walked out.

After he left, Bella looked out the front window and noticed that he had gone straight to the garden tool shed where he grabbed some tools and headed for the garden. Once he headed for the garden she knew that he would not be home for a while. She also knew that their conversation this evening would not be pleasant.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: In the Garden

He could not believe he had let this happen again! How many times had he told himself not to get his hopes up over Bella. She did not love him, she loved Jacob. And just as much as she loved Jacob, Edward hated him. What had Jacob done to win her heart so completely? What did Jacob have that he didn't? He knew, Jacob had got to her first, had made love to her first and she had been blinded by that. She could not see how quickly Jacob had moved on to another girl once Edward and Bella had been married. Edward had waited for her for so long, had had to endure three long years of her choosing Jacob over him. Of her making love to Jacob but not him and yet he had waited. He had wanted her so much that he had endured sitting in his room, next to Jacob's, listening to them make love, to her moans of ecstasy. He had endured.

"_Um, …Um. O Jake I love sucking your cock". He had heard her say as he lay in his room. His room was separated from Jacob's by only a thin wall. A wall that seemed thinner every time Bella and Jacob made love. Obviously she was giving him a blow job. He couldn't believe that she would do something like that. He had always thought that she would not want to do things like that. He thought her too proper to put her mouth on a man. "Um…Um..Um" It seemed that she was really enjoying it. He had to see this with his own two eyes._

_Edward had got up from his bed and tip-toed out the door of his room. He knew that his father was not at home so that it wasn't him that he was afraid of disturbing, it was Bella. He did not want her to stop, at least not until he had seen her. He had wanted to see her to get an image of her doing that so that he could picture her doing it to him. _

_Since Jacob's room was next to his it did not take him long to get the image he had wanted. They had been careless and had not closed the door. He saw them, saw her through the crack. She was kneeling before Jacob and her head was bobbing up and down in his lap. Edward stood transfixed. He took them in fully. He noticed that Jacob's head was thrown back and his eyes were closed. Obviously he was enjoying what she was doing. She was good at it. Unconsciously Edward reached down and grabbed his throbbing erection, He squeezed. He needed to leave but he couldn't. He had waited until they were done, until Jacob came, which wasn't long, apparently she was reaaally good! He had returned to his room, masturbated and made up his mind that he had to have her. He needed to speak to Carlisle! He had put up with too much._

Not Jacob though. It seemed that even on Bella and Edward's wedding day he was already on the hunt for someone new. He was eager it seemed to replace her. Now three months later he was flaunting Leah in front of her. Hurting her, but yet still she loved him. Edward was convinced that was the reason she had not yet developed any meaningful feelings towards him. She was not over Jacob.

Edward had been kind and patient. He had not forced himself on her but always waited until she was prepared to ... accommodate him. He knew it was nothing more than an accommodation. Edward did not fool himself. Every time he got near her she turned her head. She lay beneath him like board. it was always humiliating to take his pleasure from someone who took no pleasure in return. He wished he had the strength to wait until she wanted him too but he loved her so much, wanted her so badly, he couldn't.. he always felt ashamed when he was done. Why wasn't he stronger? He needed to be if he would have any chance with her.

These were his painful musings as he sat in his garden. As he looked out among the flowers, Edward hatched a plan. He would not make love to her again until she wanted him. He needed to tell her that. That she wouldn't have to endure their love making again until she asked him for it. He would be kind and sweet to her and she would see his true feelings for her, know that he loved her with everything that was in him and she would return his love.

He felt sure that his plan had a great likelihood of success. He had to tell her now. He jumped up from the bench on which he sat, not knowing why he had bothered to bring any tools he had been so distracted by his thoughts he had done absolutely no work.

Edward began picking flowers from garden. He knew her favourite colour was blue and that she love hydrangeas so the garden was full of them. Luckily for him they were in full bloom. He would pick her some, take them back to the house and tell her that he would leave her alone until she was ready to be with him the way she had been with Jacob. He remembered a particularly painful conversation between the two of them a few days after they had got married.

_They were in the master bedroom of their cozy three bedroom home having just had dinner. They had showered and were now laying on the bed when his thoughts ran to making love to her and in particular to getting his very first blow job. He had been thinking about it all day, remembering how good she was at it and how much Jacob had seemed to enjoy it. He wanted it, wanted her mouth on him. The difficulty now lay in how to ask her for one. He'd always thought these things happened naturally between a man and a woman. That there would be no need for awkward questions but they'd had sex a few times now and each time he'd wanted it and it never happened. The fact that Bella had been decidely cold and abrupt with him since their engagement wouldn't make this any easier. He had no way to guage which formula of words she would find offensive. The best way was obviously just to jump in. If he over thought it, he'd lose his nerve and never ask._

"_Bella?" he said her name as though it were a question._

"_Yes Edward." She said flatly. He heard the 'what do you want' implied in her tone. It would not make this any easier._

"_I….I was wondering if you would um...suck me off?"_

"_WHAT?" she raised her voice. Her eyes were opened wide. His request had obviously taken her by surprise._

"_Well it just that I remembered today that…um you had done it with Jacob before and… that you really seemed to enjoy it. You even said it. You said you enjoyed sucking … cock. I just thought…"_

"_His cock not yours!" she interrupted "Never yours. I would never..." Her disgust at his suggestion was plain on her face._

"_Oh. Ok. I get the idea" It was his turn to interrupt her. He was embarrassed, humiliated. She had been very clear. She was prepared to suck Jacob's dick but she didn't want to suck his. He had there and then decided that he would never ask her again. She had said never._

All of that was in the past now he hoped. Things would change between them. He would give her the flowers, tell her his plan and things would change.

He headed up the path to the house and as the front of the house came into view, he saw Jacob's car parked outside. What was that idiot doing here? When he got closer, he noticed that Leah was not in the car. Those two had become inseparable after he and Bella had got married. If she was not in the car that must mean they were both inside. Did he come here to flaunt her in front of Bella? How could he be so insensitive, so cruel? How could Bella still love him? Maybe she wouldn't after this. This thought gave him hope and he bounded up the steps taking them two at a time.

With his heart and his head full of hope, he turned the front door knob.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Announcement

Edward turned the door knob and entered the foyer. He instantly saw that there were two persons not three seated in theliving room which was just off to the left of the door. Jacob and Bella sat alone in the room. Jacob was on the love seat and Bella was on the sofa on the seat immediately next to the love seat. Edward immediately became suspicious, he wondered if they had been sitting together before and had adjusted their positions as they heard his entry. This was just his luck. As soon as he had figured out a plan to win Bella, Jake comes for a visit and brings back up all her old feelings for him. it sometimes seemed that the Universe was against him when it came to making any headway with Bella. It was just too much.

Edward was angry!

"Good day…Jacob…Bella!" His anger was patent, he couldn't hide it. He fought the urge to fly straight across the living room and punch Jacob.

"Good day, Edward." Jacob said as a broad grin spread across his face. He obviously was happy about something. Edward wanted to wipe that stupid grin from his face.

"Your timing is perfect." Jacob chimed.

Edward wondered what made it perfect. Was he just in time to interrupt their lovemaking? Did he interrupt their groping session? "I'm so glad my timing was perfect for you Jacob. My life certainly does revolve around pleasing you" He said. The sarcasm was dripping.

Jacob was over the moon about something. He either completely missed or totally ignoredit seemed the bite in Edward's tone and continued, "Leah should be back from the bathroom anytime now and we can tell both of you at the same time."

Wait Leah was here? He had forgot about Leah when he saw Jacob and Bella in the room alone together. He breathed a sigh of relief. Leah's presence changed everything. Nothing could have happened with Leah here. "How is Leah, Jake?" Edward was so happy that he unconsciously referred to Jacob by the nickname name he had stopped using years ago.

"Leah's fine"

"And how are you and Leah?" He glanced at Bella out the corner of his eyes.

"Well we're fine…Oh here is Leah now" Jacob said as Leah approached from the direction of the bathroom.

"Hi Leah!" Edward beamed. He could not hide the fact that he was thrilled to see Leah. "How are you? I was just asking Jacob how the two of you were getting along."

"I'm fine and we're fine Edward. In fact that's what we came here to discuss with you." She glanced over at Jacob before continuing. He nodded his approval for her to continue. Leah sat down next to Jacob before continuing

"Jake and I are …getting married!"

Edward was surprised to say the least. Jacob and Leah had only hooked up at his and Bella's wedding three months ago. Now they were about to get married. Well if they were happy more power to them! He did not miss the fact that he could not ask for better timing of their announcement. With Jacob off the market so to speak, he would have the best chance that he could with Bella.

"Congratulations! When did this happen?" He asked

"We know that we've only been dating for three months but we both know that this is it. So we figured why wait." Leah said. Jacob nodded his agreement and added "Yeah Leah is it for me so I don't want to waste any more of my time without her." Edward could see that Jacob was really in love with Leah. As he spoke, Jacob looked at Leah the same way Edward looked at Bella.

Edward stole another glance at Bella. He wanted to gauge her reaction to Jacob and Leah's announcement. He couldn't, her face betrayed not the slightest bit of emotion. He could only guess that she was not pleased. he knew that in her head, Jacob had betrayed her and fallen for Leah. Edward would comfort her. Reassure her she could find love with him if she gave him a chance. Yes this was even better that he had planned it.

"You guys are the first people we're telling. We sort of want your blessings. We know it's going to be an uphill battle with a lot of people to convince them that we're serious given the length of our relationship. So we figured we'd try to get someone in our corner before we tell the rest of the world so to speak." Leah's voice sounded full of hope.

"Of course you have our blessings. We would be happy to support your decision. Just let us know what you need from us and we'll oblige." Edward said. He felt proud to speak on behalf of his wife who it seemed had completely lost her voice. Bella hadn't said a word since he had come into the room. He needed to speak to her soon. He had to find out where her head was at and tell her that he would leave her alone until she was ready to love him. He felt certain that it would be that much sooner now that Jacob was not available.

"Let me get you all something to drink. What will you have Leah?" Bella said. It seemed that she finally found her voice and was intent on being gracious.

"Just some cold water" Leah answered

"And you Jacob?"

"A beer would be nice. Do you have any Stag?" Jacob replied

"Yes we do."

"Well a Stag would be fine"

"And you Edward? What will you have?" Her voice was cold and formal

"I'll have a Green Sands please." He decided to play it safe and not consume any alcohol. He figured that he'd need to have all his faculties about him when they talked later. Bella went to the kitchen and soon returned with all their drinks. Edward noticed that she had poured herself a Stag as well.

She was upset. Bella never drank.

" I think a toast is in order." Bella lifted her glass and waited for everyone else to do the same.

"To Jacob and Leah. I wish you both happiness and a long and happy future together!"

"Here, Here." Jacob and Leah chorused

Edward noticed that Bella drank half of her beer in one go. He hoped that she would be ok. He really needed to talk to her later. The rest of the conversation passed well. Edward noticed that Bella chatted easily with Leah about her wedding plans. Before long it was time for Jacob and Leah to leave. Both couples said farewell and Edward took the opportunity to put his arm around Bella's waist as they stood at the door waiving goodbye to Jacob and Leah.

Edward was ecstatic. Bella seemed ok with the new development. He was certain this announcement would bring them closer together.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: Bella and Edward Talk

This is not happening! This could not be happening! She could not be losing Jake!

The thought of losing him again was difficult enough to take but to lose him like this and to Leah of all persons! Jake couldn't stand Leah. How could he sit there in front of her and profess his love for Leah when so many times in the past he had told Bella that he thought Leah was a bitter harpy and that she would end up a lonely old spinster. How ironic that now, he was the very one saving Leah from that fate. And the way he had said it. How could he be so cruel!

"…_Leah is it for me so I don't want to waste any more of my time without her."_

He must have known what he was doing to her. He had not looked her in the eyes once during his announcement. She'd felt like jumping at him and scratching his eyes out but instead she'd maintained her practiced stoic silence. She'd been so accustomed to masking her true feelings with Edward that it was almost easy to do it now. Almost!

After Leah and Jacob left, she'd packed up the glasses in the living room and taken them to the kitchen which was at the rear of the house. She needed to be alone. She had already used up all her strength to keep her emotions in check. She'd had to. She could not humiliate her self, not in front of Leah. Not in front of the woman who had got the only man Bella would ever want. She had even chatted politely with Leah about her wedding plans. It was important to Bella that they all think she supported the wedding. They could not know just how hurt she was, how betrayed she felt. It was critical that they could not tell the effect that Jacob's failure to wait for her was having.

Bella had often daydreamt about ending her marriage to Edward and reuniting with Jacob. There were many different versions of the day dream but all had the same outcome. Jacob and Bella together, living _their_ happily ever after. But it seemed that while she dreamt, Jacob screwed Leah. He could not wait for her when she had spent her entire marriage, short though it was having happened a mere three month ago, waiting for him. He could not wait _three_ months.

She had wanted Jacob Cullen so badly, wanted him with everything that she was. She had loved Jacob since she was sixteen and it would not be easy to let him go. She wondered if she could do it even now. Even after everything that she'd heard today she loved him still.

This afternoon she'd had to get away from Edward hence her retreat to the kitchen. Away from his eyes which had studied her closely throughout Jacob and Leah's announcement. He was the cause of all her problems and yet he had the unmitigated gall to stare at her with such hope in his eyes that it nearly drove her mad. It seemed that just as Bella had practiced hiding her emotions, Edward had practiced showing his. His expressions were so easy to read. She could see that he hoped that Jake and Leah's announcement would mean an end to Bella's feelings for Jake and a beginning of her feelings towards him. He was so wrong! Her feelings for Jake were shifting, they were morphing into something she could not quite name yet, but her feelings for Edward had changed in one regard only. They had grown stronger but the underlying emotion was still the same. Hate!

She hated Edward. He had robbed her of so much! He had taken her away from Jake and now because of him, she had lost Jake forever. He had stolen her love, her laughter; she could not remember the last time she had truly laughed, and now her hope. Now it was his eyes that she felt like clawing out. She wished that she did not have to see or speak to him for the rest of her life but she would settle for the rest of the evening. She doubted that she would get even that from him. Edward was not in the habit of giving Bella what she wanted. He was more accustomed to taking what he wanted from Bella.

As she stood at the kitchen sink washing up the dishes, Bella remembered having been taught about dramatic irony on second reading when she had done English Literature in high school. If her life were a book, so many of her choices would be viewed as ironic on second reading. She had moved to Guiaco to avoid getting married and yet that is exactly what came out of the move, her marriage to Edward. She wished that she had known that her life would take the turns that it had when her mother had asked her if she wanted to move to Guaico, Tamana from her sleepy home town of Tabaquite. Bella had not done well at CXC exams and where she came from there weren't many options for a sixteen year old girl who did not have a full certificate. In fact there were only three: work at KFC, work on a farm or get married. Bella certainly didn't want to work at KFC or get married so she had opted to work on a farm. At least the farm was in Guaico not Tabaquite. She would get to meet new people and have new experiences or so she'd thought. How naive, how stupid! It was little wonder she didn't have a full certificate.

Bella recognised that Jake's little announcement had changed her life forever. She would have to re-think her future; begin to contemplate a future without Jake. Why had life been so unfair to her? Why had Edward been so damned selfish? He claimed to love her but all of his actions were about getting what he wanted without a thought of how Bella felt or what Bella wanted. Bella stumbled away from the sink and sat on a chair in the breakfast nook. She put her thumbs on her temples and her cradled her forehead with her fingers. She rested her head in her hands in this position and fought back the tears. She could not start to cry now. If she did she knew she would never stop.

"Hey there!... Are you ok Bella?" Edward asked

"Yep!" She answered without raising her head. At least he was being useful. His question had snapped her out of a certain trip down 'Tearful Lane'.

"So…great news huh! Jake and Leah! Who would have thought? They make a good couple though and they're obviously in love." He paused, then as though he realised that she was not going to say anything he continued "I wish them all the best. I hope they have a happy marriage"

Just then, Bella lost it. It was as though all her practised stoicism flew out the kitchen window. "Like ours Edward?" Bella almost screamed. She could not believe his insensitivity! He knew she was in love with Jake, he'd said so this morning yet he came to her with his inane conversation about _this_ of all topics. She was not about to let him get away with it. She continued, " No _this_ would not be a happy marriage, it's more of a loveless one." Bella knew it was the beer that she had consumed that had freed her tongue but it was way too late to stop now. The bull was already in the china shop.

"It's not loveless Bella. Because you don't love me yet does not make our marriage loveless. I love you Bella and because of that there is love in this marriage. It may not come from both parties but its there." He replied calmly

"Because I don't love you _yet_? Because I don't love you _yet_? Are you out of your mind Edward? I don't love you now and I will _never_ love you! Especially not after today! You've taken him from me Edward. You've taken him and I will never forgive you for it!

"Don't say that Bella. You'll forget him in time just as…as he has forgotten you. It's human nature, you'll get over him. And then maybe you can find a little room in your heart for me." He was quiet in his resolve.

Bella could not respond. This was typical Edward. It made no sense talking to him. He heard only what he wanted to hear. He was unphased by anything that he didn't want to hear since he always found a way to turn it into something he did want to hear. She closed her eyes tightly and felt her mask pour itself back over her face. She felt all her emotion and passion draining away. Bella breathed deeply and got up to leave the kitchen.

"Don't get up… Please. Before I came back to the house, before I knew Jacob and Leah were here I had decided something. I think now is as good a time as any to share my decision with you." Bella did not respond but sat back down at the table.. "After this morning's...after what happened this morning I realised that since we've been married I've never given you a chance to develop feelings for me without the complication of love making. I think that we should forego sex for a while and maybe…just maybe we can start our marriage over. " As he spoke his hands slowly crossed the table until they made their way to the place where hers rested. He gently placed his hands over hers.

Bella let her hands linger below his while she spoke evenly "The problem with this marriage started long before this marriage started and you know it. This marriage is just one big problem that sits on top of a bunch of underlying problems. So, unless you have a magic wand to erase all that you've done to me in the past, this no sex idea of yours is doomed to failure. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I won't very happily agree to go along with your plan, frankly I'll appreciate the break from all of your sweaty pumping, but I just want you to know it's not going to change anything."

Edward withdrew his hands. He sat back in his chair before he continued "Don't be so sure Bella."

He was hopeless! At least he sounded less optimistic. "Where, may I ask, are we going to sleep while we work on your little plan?"

"In the same place we sleep now Bella."

Bella couldn't help but sound amazed at his non-sensical plan." So you expect me to believe that we'll sleep in the same bed and there won't be any sex?"

"Yes, I expect you to believe that. I'll keep my hands off you if you can keep your hands off me." Edward made a single chuckle. It was the kind of sound that recognised that his joke was not really funny.

"Good night Edward. I'll see you in bed" Bella said as she got up from the table leaving Edward to sit alone.

"Good night Bella."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Of Nightgowns and Negligees

What have I got myself into? Edward thought to himself. Not only had he suggested that they forego sex but he had agreed that they should sleep in the same bed while they did. What was he thinking? That would be damned near impossible. Lying next to Bella and not touching her. He hadn't been able to do it in the past, which accounted for all the … what had she called it? Oh yeah … all his sweaty pumping. Bella sure knew how to make a man feel good about himself! If he couldn't stay away from her then, what made him think he'd be able to do it now?

He'd just have to endure. He certainly he was good at that!

Edward prepared himself for bed and awaited Bella's arrival. He thought that he might be able to make it through the night since Bella usually made a point not to wear anything short, revealing or remotely sexy. She usually just kept herself _wel_l covered. He remembered their wedding night.

_Edward sat up in bed eagerly awaiting her arrival. She had been in the bathroom for about twenty minutes but he'd guessed that that was normal wedding night jitters. He'd wondered what she would wear. He'd pictured her in lacy white lingerie crawling across the bed towards him on her hands and knees. That was the kind of thing married couples did after all. _

_He could not wait to make love to Bella. He hoped she would enjoy it. He knew all too well that Bella liked sex. He'd heard her vociferous approval when she and Jacob made love. Now it was his turn to please her, his turn to enjoy her. Edward knew he wasn't very experienced, it was only his second time after all, but he didn't want to disappoint her. He'd tried to become intimate with her during their engagement but she'd made it clear that she was not prepared engage in _any_ sexual activity with him until they were married. So, he'd read a lot of books on sexual technique and hoped that that would help._

_Just as he thought he was about to burst with anticipation Bella walked out of the Bathroom. She wore a purple cotton floral nightgown. Her body, well everything interesting anyway, was completely covered. Edward didn't dwell on it. If that was what she was comfortable wearing so be it. She approached the bed and lay down on her back. It was painful even now to recall their love making. Suffice it to say that it was only about a minute and a half of ..sex, if one could consider him on top of 'Bella the board' sex._

He snapped himself out of yet another unpleasant memory and remembered that in any event Bella didn't normally get to bed before twelve at night so he'd have some time to mentally prepare himself. He knew fully well that that was just another of her avoidance techniques. She'd busy herself around the house all day and night just to delay getting to bed. She was probably hoping that he would be asleep by the time she got there.

Tonight was different though. He supposed that now that there was no threat of 'sweaty pumping' she'd come to bed early. He glanced at the clock just as she finished her shower and came to bed wearing wait … He had to blink twice to ensure that he was seeing straight. Yep, he was seeing clearly. Bella was wearing lingerie. For the first time since they'd been married, she was wearing lingerie. She came to bed in a long sheer white nightgown. Correction, a see-through white nightgown, with a very deep cut at the front. He could see everything. Including the fact that she wore no underwear. She must really hate him!

"Nice nightgown Bella!"

"Thanks Edward. I'm glad you like it"

"I've never seen it before. Is it new?

"Well it's never been worn before so in that regard it's new."

"I couldn't help but notice that it's white. Was it a wedding present?"

"You're rather perceptive tonight Edward. Yes it was a wedding present"

"But you're wearing it for the first time tonight. Why is that Bella?"

"Well I just thought I'd wear it so that you'd have a clear picture of what you will never again be fucking."

Edward sighed, "Oh Ok. But Bella I've told you time and time again that you really ought to stay away from absolutes. Never is a very strong word" Edward calmly replied.

"In this case Edward it is perfectly appropriate to use an absolute since I'm absolutely, positively sure that I will never ever ask you to have sex."

"We'll see Bella, we'll see."

"We certainly will see Edward."

He watched her as she sat down on the bed and wondered how on earth he would make it through the night let alone the next few months. He should have invested in a King sized bed instead of the Queen sized one that he'd bought. He needed room. He needed to stick to his side of the bed.

"Bella?"

"Yes Edward "she almost sounded happy

"You do know that you toss in your sleep don't you?"

"Uh huh"

"Are you sure then that you want to sleep…um…without underwear" Just the sight of her in the nightgown was causing the blood to rush below his waist. He would lose his resolve if she tossed and unwittingly gave him a peek.

"Yep I'm sure" Bella beamed

"Goodnight Bella" Obviously she'd made up her mind so there was no point in trying to convince her otherwise.

"Goodnight Edward"

If she wanted to torture him she was certainly succeeding. Edward watched as Bella lay down on top of the sheets. She settled herself in and it became apparent that she was not going to pull the covers over herself. He'd have a full view of her body all night.

Before long Bella fell asleep and just as he expected began to toss. When she turned onto her back, he got a look at her perfect breasts. He could see them clearly through the nightgown. Her nipples were a pale pink and her breasts were just the right size for him. A handful. He could also see her privates which… she had shaved. Edward scooted down to get a better look. He'd never had the opportunity to take a look at her vagina up close. It was beautiful. No wonder it felt so good! He needed to relieve the pressure.

Edward slipped his hand into his pyjama and began stroking his member. He breathed deeply inhaling her scent and groaned softly. He did not want to wake her. Just as he reached a steady rhythm, he noticed that Bella began to stir. He stopped abruptly and quickly removed his hand.

"What are you doing Edward?" Bella mumbled.

"What? Nothing Nothing!"

"I hope you weren't masturbating because if you were that's disgusting and desperate."

"I wasn't" he hated lying but what choice did he have. He didn't want to add pervert to the list of negative nouns she could use to describe him. "I was just getting out of bed."

At least he made part of his statement true. Edward left the bedroom and slept across the hall in a spare bedroom.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: The Wedding

Saturday 13th March, 2010. The day is finally here. Leah and Jacob are getting married. The day began just like any other Saturday in March except for the fact that Bella had not slept a wink last night. She would usually blame her difficulty sleeping on Edward but this time she knew it was all Jake. She just could not get him out of her mind. He was going to say 'I do' to another woman today and the thought of the loss was almost too much to bear.

Once Bella realized that she would not be getting any sleep that night, she'd given up the ghost at around 1 am. She'd climbed downstairs, went to the kitchen, put on breakfast and placed a load of clothes in the washer. She'd been careful not to wake Edward who was asleep next to her. After that first night, he'd pretty much slept in the spare bedroom next to her room but every now and then, he'd ask her permission and sleep next to her. It was pretty pathetic, but almost endearing, that he asked her permission every time. She'd given up her attempts at torturing him and had gone back to her comfortable cotton nightgowns so they both usually slept very comfortably. Their relationship had changed somewhat as well. Now that there was no sex, she felt more at ease around him. She'd learnt to ignore the puppy dog look of hope that lived in his eyes which seemed to become more pronounced each night. Now, four months later, the look was not so pronounced.

Bella shook herself and let her mind drift to more important things. She wondered what Jacob was doing this morning. He would not be with Leah since it was customary not to see one's fiancée before one got to the church on the day of the wedding. She knew that Jake would honour that tradition. He had, in keeping with custom, not lived with Leah before they were married so she didn't think he'd break this tradition. He was most likely at home with Carlisle. She wondered if he was up yet. She doubted it. Jake was a sound sleeper. Her husband on the other hand was not. The minute she got up from the bed he would awaken. She was glad he hadn't awakened this morning since she needed time to think.

She had to wrap her head around the fact that she could lose Jake today. She really needed to talk to him before he got married. Bella had to put all her cards on the table and let him know that she still loved him. That he only had to say the words and she would leave Edward. They'd run away somewhere together and be happy. Happy. Bella couldn't remember the last time she'd felt happy. On second thought she could. It was early September 2009. The last time she'd made love to Jake. It seemed that all of the happy thoughts she'd had in the past three years all revolved around Jacob. She had to get him back, had to talk to him today.

Bella got up to go to the phone to leave a message on Jake's cell phone. Her trip there was interrupted when she heard a noise on the stairs and realised that Edward was on his way down. She put the phone back on the receiver and hurried to the corner of the kitchen where she knew it would appear that she was making coffee. When Edward rounded the corner to the kitchen, she asked, "Morning. Do you want a cup of coffee?" Bella saw no harm in being pleasant to him. She'd be leaving him soon enough. She knew he'd be unhappy for a while but she was sure he'd get over it. What man didn't?

"Yes thanks Bella." He seemed happy that she offered.

"Black with no sugar, no milk right?" she questioned

"Yep… How come you're up so early. I know that you're an early riser but 1am is early even for you. Did you have trouble sleeping?"

"No, not really." She didn't want to discuss her failure to sleep with him so she lied. "I just have a lot to do this morning"

"Did you change your mind and accept Leah's offer to be part of the bridal party?"

"Heck no! I will not be part of her farce!"

"And what farce is that Bella?" Edward asked quietly

"Well Edward, we both know that she does not like me, so why ask me to be part of her bridal party?"

"She probably knows that you and Jacob were once close or are close," he paused before continuing "so she just wants you to be part of their happiness"

"Oh please Edward," Bella said as she rolled her eyes "It's more likely a case of keep your friends close and your enemies closer"

"Why would she have any reason to think of you as her enemy?"

"Whatever Edward." She rolled her eyes," You are free to keep living in la la land. Let me know when you're ready to come pay us a visit in reality."

"So why are you up so early then if you're not a bridesmaid?"

"Like I said, I have a lot to do before the wedding."

"Well ok then, what do you have to do? Maybe I can help?" She knew that he was probing to try to find out if she could not sleep because she was upset about Jacob's impending wedding.

"Nah, I'm fine I'll get through everything. Especially since I got up so early, I have plenty of time to do the things that I need to get done."

Bella could see that Edward was studying her to ascertain the truth of her words. She doubted that he would be able to read her true thoughts and feelings. She had become so accustomed to hiding them that, by now, she was practically an expert at covering them up.

"Bella?"

"Yes Edward!" She was becoming impatient with all his questioning by now.

"I know that you feel…sad/hurt/something about losing Jake today. I just want you to know that if you need a friend today I'll be here for you. Today ….and always."

How could she respond to that? It seemed that he was better at reading her emotions than she thought. "Thank you Edward. Thanks for the offer." She saw no need to be angry with him. He did not understand that she would _not_ be losing Jacob today. She figured that since she would soon be leaving with Jake, she need not be unnecessarily harsh to Edward. He had no idea of what was coming Bella busied herself for the rest of the morning. She found it strange that Edward had offered his help but she didn't give it too much thought. Instead she focused on her cooking and cleaning. Edward didn't go to work in the garden today and it seemed that he was always underfoot. It was almost as if he were following her everywhere she went. He always found some reason to be in the same room she was in. And he kept looking at her. He pretended to read but it seemed every time she looked at him his eyes were on her.

When she couldn't take it anymore she asked, "Why do you keep looking at me Edward?"

"Because you're very pretty Bella. Do I need another reason?"

She didn't really believe him. There was something more to his stare but she let it drop. She had too much on her mind to worry about Edward's reason for staring. The rest of the morning passed uneventfully and before long it was two o'clock and Bella and Edward had arrived at the hall where Jake and Leah were to be married. Bella didn't know where the day had gone; it just seemed to fly by. They say time flies when you're having fun but it also flies when you're about to lose the one you love.

During the day she had managed to hatch a plan. She had worked out exactly what she would say to Jake. Word for word. She would talk to Jake before the wedding as he got ready in the rectory. After they made their way through the hall, Edward found their table and pulled out her chair for her. She couldn't take it. She'd already wasted too much time and needed to speak to Jake ASAP. "Please excuse me Edward. I'll be right back." He put her chair back under the table and sat in his own. Before she left she heard him sigh. He looked worried, lonely somehow. She wasn't too worried. Edward was a hit with all the mothers in the area. He'd soon have someone to keep him company.

Bella made her way to the small rectory and knocked at the door and when Jacob answered she let herself in. Bella took in Jake in his tailored tuxedo. He took her breath away. He was so handsome and to say that the suit fit him well was definitely an understatement! The moment she saw him she lost the words. No planned formulation would solve her problem. She had to speak from the heart, act from the heart.

Bella crossed the room and was in Jake's arms in seconds. She kissed him with all the passion she'd kept pent up for the past seven months. She'd lusted after him for her two month 'engagement' to Edward and for her seven month marriage to him. She had to let Jake know how she felt. That she still wanted him and only him and that she was willing to give up everything with Edward to have a chance at a life with him. She felt that she had to communicate it all with her kiss since she was certain that her words would fail her.

She noted pleasantly that Jake was returning her kiss. He had to be feeling the same thing she was. She was so happy. This would be easier than she thought. He'd felt her passion and remembered the love that they'd shared. She was sure of it until, Jake broke off the kiss.

"Hey, Bella. What a way to greet a guy on his wedding day." He replied awkwardly she could already tell that he may be regretting the kiss.

"Well Jake, I'm hoping that after that kiss, it won't _be_ your wedding day." She replied

"Don't be silly Bella. You know I'm moments away from marrying Leah." He smiled

"How could you marry her when we share this kind of passion Jake? How could you marry her when you love me? …That just does not make any sense! Unless.. You've stopped loving me Jake?" For a moment, Bella was truly puzzled. Then she remembered the kiss. He did still love her. He could not kiss her like he just had and not still love her. It gave her hope.

"I do love you Bella. But we both know that sometimes love just isn't enough" He sighed before continuing "Besides you're married to Edward now and he really loves you."

"Well, that just _his_ problem!" Bella almost screamed. "He had no right to break us apart in the first place. He'd just be getting what he has coming to him."

"Don't be cruel Bella. He really loves you. Edward really loves you. And he is my brother"

"I…DO…NOT…CARE…ABOUT ..EDWARD ..OR.. HIS…FUCKING …FEELINGS! Bella was livid. Why was Edward constantly getting in the way of Jake's and her relationship? He'd done it before and he was doing it now! "I only want you Jake. I've only ever wanted you, never Edward. _Never_ Edward." She knew that she had to calm down or she'd draw attention to their conversation. The last thing she wanted was to be interrupted. She needed time alone with him to convince him that they belonged together despite his brother's feelings.

"But I do. I care about his feelings. I should have cared about them from the start. I should have been a better brother to him and left you alone from the beginning." Jacob paused before continuing, "He was always smitten with you."

"So? He gets to be smitten and my life gets to be _ruined_? Is that fair? It doesn't seem fair to me Jake."

"Your life is not ruined Bella. Give him a chance. He's a good man. Better that I'll ever be. He's been a better brother to me than I ever deserved."

"Listen to me Jake. Listen to what I'm saying. I do not love Edward. I love you. I want you. I want you to leave with me right now. You can let Leah down easy and you can leave with me." She pleaded

"Bella did you not hear me? I said I knew from the beginning. I _knew_ from the beginning. We," he pointed from Bella to himself and back several times, "should never have happened. I am his brother."

Bella knew that the conversation was over. There was nothing more she could say. Jake had already made up his mind, he would marry Leah and start a new life with her not Bella. She did not miss the import of Jake's words though. He had known from the beginning. His words caused her pause. What did he mean he'd known from the beginning? She needed to think.

As she headed back to her table, her thoughts were spinning. He was truly lost to her. There would be no going back now only going forward separately with Edward and Leah. She felt giddy. Bella sat down at the table and was glad that the wedding was small and that she was seated at a table for two with only Edward. She would not have been able to handle the small talk she would have had to make with other guests. She'd already been accosted by Mrs. Fenrick who'd questioned her about whether there was any bun in the oven yet. She'd remembered thankfully that her husband always wore a condom. He seemed to know that she was not ready for any children yet. At least not with him.

Edward got up to adjust her chair for her so that she could sit. He sat back down and they sat in silence for about twenty minutes. She was glad he didn't try to talk to her. She needed to get her head clear before she could deal with him. Just as she was getting relaxed she noticed that Edward shifted his position so that he was sitting forward in his chair. Obviously he was about to say something. She was in no mood for this right now.

"So … are you leaving me?... Have you and Jacob worked out the details?" Edward quietly asked. He did not look at her as he asked this question from out of nowhere. Instead he focused on some far off spot on the table cloth. She could see that his hands were trembling and he held on to the edge of the table to steady them. What was he on about? She was in no mood to deal with him not after her conversation with Jake. Still the question took her by surprise.

"What do you mean Edward?" she asked somewhat impatiently.

"Well I know that you came here to try to run away with Jake."

"That is absolutely not true! Where would you get such a preposterous idea from?"

"You and your absolutes Bella!" He was always telling her that she should not speak in absolutes. "Do you know that you talk in your sleep Bella? You spoke last night."

"That is _not_ true! And even if I do talk in my sleep, as you claim, I didn't sleep at all last night so there was no way you could…" Her speech trailed off

"No way I could know that you planned on leaving me today? But yet…somehow I do." Edward paused before continuing "You dozed last night Bella. You didn't sleep but you dozed. I still got an earful though."

Bella didn't know how to respond. Emotionally she was a wreck. It was only her practiced stoicism that kept her from an emotional outburst. She'd had to deal with Jacob's rejection and now this. It really was too much.

"So … are you all packed? Is he coming out here to make an announcement that the wedding is off?" Edward continued. Obviously he was tense but now he was studying her expression for some sign of her answer. Before Bella could answer, Jacob entered the hall and took his place before the altar. He was carrying a microphone and it seemed that he was about to make an announcement.

"Good day friends, family and well wishers. I just want to say thank you for coming here to support Leah and I as we take this step…"

Bella didn't hear the rest of his speech. She was just aware that Edward had breathed a huge sigh of relief and closed his eyes. He sat back in his chair, put his hands to his temples and smoothed his eyebrows before dropping his hands into his lap. Obviously he was relieved. Soon, the strains of 'Here Comes the Bride filled the hall'. Bella was lost. She'd lost Jake. She stared at the altar and at Jake in disbelief that he really was going through with it. She finally realised that all she would have of Jake now was her memories.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: Memories Part One

Bella arrived in Guaico full of hope and optimism. This was a new leg in her journey to adulthood. As a child growing up in Debe she had always wanted to be a nurse or a teacher. She had so admired her teachers. She'd looked up to them. They were always well dressed and drove nice cars. Her teachers were always well spoken and kind. They understood the plight of their students. Many of Bella's classmates at school could not afford to pay taxi fares to come to school so they walked to school every day. For some of them it was miles. Bella was fortunate in that she lived two houses away from her primary school and three houses away from her secondary school and by the time she was in her last year of secondary school her uncle who lived with the family had bought a car.

When she did not get her full certificate she had felt despondent but that did not last for long. She had done better than anyone else in her family had ever done and they were proud of her. Sure she would not be able to fulfill her dreams and become a teacher or a nurse but at least she had options, limited though they may have been. She remembered clearly the day her mother and uncle had called her into the family's living room to discuss her future.

"Well Bella as you know we are extremely proud of you. You've kept your shoulder to the wheel, worked hard got three CXC passes" her uncle had begun. Even though her mother was present it was custom that a male family member had these 'discussions about the future' with young adults. Since Bella's father had died when she was a child, the task had fallen to her uncle. Bella's mother would never have thought to usurp this role from him. He continued, "What do you plan on doing next Bella? We really would not like you to work at the local KFC. You must have given this some thought. What's next for Bella?"

"Well uncle Geff, mummy, I thought I could work on a farm. Mr. Singh's farm is always looking for workers." Her mother and uncle exchanged a knowing glance. Mr. Singh was a large farm owner in the village. It was rumoured that he'd had relationships with several of his young female workers. Bella guessed that their looks meant that they did not approve of her suggestion that she work for him. "Or I could work on another farm"

"What about marriage Bella? Didn't you meet any nice young men at school?" Her uncle questioned

"No I really don't want to get married right now. I would prefer to work first and get married a few years from now." In reality Bella wanted to delay marriage for as long as she could. She thought about some of her school friends who had graduated the year before she did. Several of them already were married with children or pregnant. She did not want that for herself. She valued her freedom. Married women were anything but free.

She noticed that her mother and uncle looked at each other again before her uncle continued, "Well I've already spoken to Mr. Cullen about you. He has a farm in Guaico and needs … some help" "If you want you can move up there and work on the Cullen farm.

"Mr. Cullen I've never heard about him uncle. Who is he?"

"Well Mr. Carlisle Cullen has quite a large farm, forty acres, in Guiaco which he works with his two sons Edward and Jacob. They do mixed crop farming and even do some horticulture. I believe they have a contract to supply the Hyatt Hotel with all of their flowers for the hotels arrangements. That's quite a lucrative contract as you can imagine. They could use a little female help around the place. He's prepared to pay you well and ..well…"

"Well what, Uncle Geff?"

"Well, you should be very comfortable there…even though it's far from home"

Bella felt comforted by her uncle's words. She could be comfortable there. It would be a new start for her and a good way to avoid marriage and teenage pregnancy. "Well ok Uncle Geff. I'll give it a try" Guaico. Bella had hardly ever been further than the neighbouring town of Penal now she would get to live and work in Guaico. The idea had grown on her fast.

"The only thing is that he needs you to start right away. We can leave tomorrow. Your mother and I will take you. Do you think you can pack your bags tonight?"

"Yes uncle Geff. I don't really have that many things"

"Good girl. We'll leave first thing in the morning"

What an exciting day this had turned out to be. She woke up this morning not really knowing where her life was headed but now she knew. She was going to work on Mr. Cullen's farm in Guaico. Bella spent most of the night packing up her clothes, shoes and books, not that she'd have much time to read working on a farm. She expected that it would be hard work especially as the only woman on the farm. All of the responsibility for cooking and cleaning would fall to her in addition to any other chores she might have to do on the farm. Bella was okay with that. She was not afraid of hard work.

The next day, the trip seemed to take forever. She had been to Guaico the year before the last when her form four class had taken a trip to the area to visit some of the farms there. They hadn't gone to Mr. Cullen's and she could see why since it seemed to be one of the more remote farms in the area. But they had met a lot of the farmers in the farmers' market that was being held on the same day that they visited. Somehow the trip seemed longer this time it must be because she was anxious and eager to meet the new people who she would now interact with on a daily basis. Her Uncle had told her that she would sleep at the Cullen's house on the farm as part of her working arrangements. This suited her fine since it meant that she would not have to spend her earnings commuting to work. It would mean that she could save more of her wages.

After a drive that seemed like eternity they finally arrived at the Cullen Farm. They drove up to the house and parked along side a new Audi motor vehicle. Obviously the Cullens were well off. Their house was large, certainly larger than any she had seen in Debe. It was not an unusual notion to her though that farmers were wealthy people. Mr. Singh was one of the wealthiest persons in Debe. Bella hoped she would feel comfortable living here. She was accustomed to living in a much humbler house. Well, they say that the only constant thing is change and this would represent a huge change for Bella.

As they got out of the car Bella noticed three men standing on the front porch of the house. She presumed they would be Carlisle and his sons. Brief introductions were exchanged before everyone went inside. Uncle Geff and Carlisle retreated to Carlisle's study to discuss the arrangements for her stay at the Cullens' home. She was left sitting in the living room with her mother, Edward and Jacob. Jacob was friendly enough but Edward was silent. She often caught him staring at her and it made her uncomfortable. She didn't like the way he stared at her. Whenever she caught his eye he would look away. Jacob on the other hand was truly pleasant and easy to talk with. By the time her uncle and Carlisle returned they had easily discussed a host of topics, from her recent completion of school to the weather. It turned out that he was only two years older than she was and that he remembered seeing her at the farmer's market when she had visited with her school. About Edward she learned nothing because he said nothing.

When the men emerged from the study, Carlisle called Edward to the study and directed Jacob to assist her with getting her unpacked and settled. She was relieved that it was not the other way around. Her room was on the second floor of the house. As she approached it Jacob pointed out where Edward's and his rooms were. Her room was next door to Edward's which in turn was next to Jacob's.

Bella did not take long to unpack especially since Jacob was kind enough to give her privacy to do it. After she was finished unpacking, She made her way down stairs and headed straight for Carlisle's study. Before he'd left her room, Jacob had mentioned that Carlisle would want to speak to her when she was done settling in. In the study Carlisle explained her duties at the farm. She would be responsible for all of the cooking and cleaning just as she had thought but she also would have to take water to Jacob and Edward in the fields for their water breaks during the day. For this she would be paid what she considered to be a handsome wage. Carlisle also indicated that he hoped that, given the nature of her job, she would work together with them more as a family member than as an employee. He seemed really nice and hoped that things would work out and that she could stay here for a few years before she'd have to move back home. Bella knew that once she moved back home her family would be on a mission to get her married off. She was happy for the job here and the opportunity to delay marriage for as long as she could.

Bella and Carlisle left the study and headed down the corridor where Edward and Jacob were conversing. It was obvious that they had not heard their approach because the conversation continued uninterrupted.

"Leave her alone! Don't you have enough female friends as it is.? You know she is different Jacob. Leave her alone!" Edward said.

"Don't be mad at me because you don't have a way with the ladies." Jacob coolly replied.

Before they could continue Carlisle cleared his throat to alert them to the fact that he and Bella were approaching. Both exchanged glances but said no more.

She wondered what Edward meant by saying that Jacob had enough female friends. Jacob must be a player. She made a note to her self to stay away from him. The last thing she wanted to do was to get played. And what did he mean by saying that Bella was different. Did she have a big sign on her forehead saying 'naïve country girl'. It made her wonder if Jacob was being nice to her because he thought she would be an easy target. She made another note to herself to be wary of Jacob.

The rest of day passed quickly. Bella quickly set to work tidying the house, which was obviously only lived in by men, and preparing breakfast and lunch. Her mother and uncle had long since left but Bella found that she already felt comfortable in the house and the housework helped her get acquainted with the place. At 10 am she took water to Edward and Jacob as they worked in the fields. Carlisle was not in the field with them. He had explained that he often was away from the farm, sometimes for weeks or even months, looking for new business for the farm. Edward and Jacob worked on the flower farming which was done not too far from the house so it was a short walk for Bella to take their water to them.

"Good day again Bella." Edward said as she offered him a bottle filled with cold water, "I hope…the house wasn't too difficult to pull together"

"No actually it was surprisingly neat for a house of only men"

"Um ..Well …Ok then. Thanks for the water."

"You're welcome Edward."

She took Jacob his bottle next. The conversation with him felt easy. Not awkward like with Edward. He asked what she'd cooked and indicated that he couldn't wait to taste what she'd cooked. Obviously he was a man with a healthy appetite. And the food had done him good! Jacob was fine. He was gorgeous and muscular and he had the most gorgeous smile she'd ever seen on a male. It was no wonder he had a way with the ladies. She had to admit that Edward was handsome as well but his silence and the way he looked at her bugged her. She could tell that she and Jacob would become fast friends. She just hoped that she would be able to keep it as just that, friends. If she could do that she realized that she would have a comfortable stay at the Cullen household.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight: The Squeeze

Over the next few months Jacob and Bella did become friends but she also noticed that she had started to develop feelings towards him. Contrary to Edward's early statements, she did not think that Jacob was a ladies' man. There had been a few 'visitors' in the beginning but that had steadily waned. Now they spent most of their spare time together just hanging out. She'd tried to be friendly with Edward but talking to him was difficult. It always seemed as though he ran out of things to say.

One Friday Jacob suggested that they all go to 'The Squeeze', the new hot club in Sangre Grande. Bella agreed. She relished the idea of spending more time with Jacob. This would be a perfect opportunity to get to know him better and perhaps she'd even get to dance with him. Edward was coming along with them but she thought that with his being as handsome as he was he would soon find someone he liked. He certainly did not seem to like Bella too much. He never had much to say to her.

Bella readied herself. She had decided to wear a simple olive green t-back vest and a brown three tiered mini skirt. She hoped that her outfit did not make it obvious that she viewed this as a date. As they all headed down stairs, Bella noted that the Cullen boys cut a fine picture. She would be the envy of all the girls there tonight, walking in with not one but two handsome eligible bachelors. Edward looked particularly handsome tonight. He apparent had taken special care in dressing tonight. She was almost sorry for the lady that he set his sights on tonight. She would not stand a chance. Jacob looked stunning as usual. He too was well dressed and Bella could not wait to spend time alone with him.

They'd all agreed that Edward would drive so he went around back to the garage to bring out the car. He pulled Carlisle's Audi up to the front porch and got out to open the front door for Bella.

"Oh, no thanks Edward. I'll just sit in the back with Jake. I've never been a front seat rider. I'm always more comfortable in the back. I hope you don't mind?"

"No, I don't mind." He replied but he looked disappointed.

Bella really did not want to hurt his feelings but she had no idea why he'd care whether she sat in the front or the back. "I can sit up front if you want me to. I guess you probably don't want to look like our chauffeur do you?" She said

"No really, it's ok" Edward really was a true gentleman

"Sit up front Bella" Jake suddenly chimed in. I need room to spread out in the back. I am a growing boy after all." Bella realised that he was just saying that because he didn't want Edward to feel badly. So she added,

"Well it's decided then. I'll sit up front with Edward." Bella noticed that they exchanged a quick glance. With all this glancing going on Bella often felt like she was the only one not in on some gigantic secret. As soon as she had the thought she felt silly about it. What sort of conspiracy would she be involved in.? Her life was always mundane.

There was light banter between the three of them as they rode to the club. She could tell that Edward was making an extra effort to be cordial. He was downright chatty compared to his usual self. When he did run out of things to say, he'd glance in Jake's direction and Jake would supply a new topic which Edward would then continue. It was almost as if they'd planned it.

Before long they arrived at 'The Squeeze'. Bella was right. She was the envy of several young ladies as she walked into the club. Edward paid the entrance fee for the three of them and Jake immediately went to get drinks for them all. She ordered a virgin piña colada and the boys both got beer. She could tell that she was about to have a fantastic night as soon as they walked into the club and her favourite song, One More Night by Busy Signal, was blaring over the club's speakers. As they made their way to the dance floor, she whispered into Edward's ear that it was her favourite song and he asked her to dance. She could not resist. She just loved the song…

One more night

Gimme just one more night

Girl, one more night

Cause i can't live without you

One more night

Baby, gimme one more night girl

A million more nights

Cause i can't sleep without you

Alright...

Cause everyday mi say

Mi want you inna mi life

Cah mi nuh want fi wake

If you nuh deh deh by mi side

A beg mi a beg you

Wah ply whole a mi pride

Gal mi work so cold without you

And mi feelings cya hide well

Mi memba when you say you need mi all day

Make love from the room

To inna di hallway girl

Mi nuh really wah fi learn di hard way

Mi nuh fraid fi seh please girl stay

Hotthead...

Edward held onto her hand and led her to the dance. Once they got there he held on to her hip bones and got behind her so that they could dance typical trini style. He held her close as they swayed their hips and pelvis to the beat. Bella was lost in the music she really loved the song. She barely noticed that he had tightened his grip and pulled her even closer until she felt his erection pressing against her behind. Bella felt awkward but continued dancing. It was not uncommon for men to get aroused when wining so she just brushed it off as par for the course but made a mental note to herself to avoid dancing too close with him in the future. She was after all interested in his brother.

Soon Jacob returned with their drinks and Bella hoped that he would ask her to dance and help her escape from any awkwardness with Edward. She looked at Jacob and hoped that her eyes would convey the fact that she wanted him to ask her to dance. From the look in Jacob's eyes she could tell that he got her message, but instead of asking her to dance he handed Edward his beer, Bella her Virgin Colada and said,

"I'll go find us a table a table."

Bella could not understand why he would leave her with Edward. She wanted to spend her time with him, dance with him and show him how she felt about him so that she could find out if he felt the same way. Instead of spending time with her it seemed that he was taking every opportunity he could to palm her off on Edward.

Bella thought that maybe he just wanted to give her room since he was unsure of how she felt. She realised that she would have to speak to him soon so that he would be clear about her feelings. After several upbeat songs the DJ began playing slow music and as was expected Edward turned Bella around so that they faced each other to slow dance.

Everything in Bella screamed that she should excuse herself and go to the table with Jacob. She did not want to slow dance with Edward. The last thing she wanted to do was to send him a wrong message and she was concerned that if she danced too closely with him he would get the wrong message. But, he had been nothing but kind to her so she had no reason to be unkind to him. She knew that there was no way to avoid the dance without seeming rude so she danced.

Edward really was a great dancer. He had put his hands in the small of her back as he gently led the dance. She felt safe with him. He made her feel comfortable and protected. They danced for six songs before the slow set was over and she was able to indicate that she wanted to sit down.

"Let's go find Jacob. I would really like to sit down" Bella had to shout so that Edward could hear her above the music.

"Ok. Let's go."

Bella was surprised when Edward took her hand to lead her to the table. She thought the gesture was a bit more intimate than was necessary given the nature of their relationship.

"Hey Jake" Edward sang happily. "I see you've finished your beer. Can I get you another drink.?"

"Yeah. I'll have another beer."

"Bella, Do you want anything?" Edward asked

"No. I'm fine."

"Ok I'll be back soon"

Edward weaved his way to the bar through the packed club. Her eyes followed him until she felt Jake's fingers on her hand. Finally, the evening was living up to her expectations.

"So, How are you enjoying the evening Bella?"

"Great Jake, Edward is a good dancer. But I had hoped that I would spend more time with you."

"Why?"

"Because…well because I like you. I actually wanted to talk to you get to know you better outside the house so to speak… Find out if you like me too."

Jake sighed before continuing "What about Edward? You two seemed to be hot and heavy on the dance floor a while ago."

"Edward? Oh no Jake. There is nothing between Edward and I. Edward doesn't even like me that way." Bella was surprised by his question. She wondered where he'd got that idea from.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure!" Bella widened her eyes for emphasis "I would know. We women know when a man is interested and I can assure you that Edward is _not_ interested! And I'm not interested in him. One Cullen brother at a time, please!"

"Let's dance Bella." Jacob her by the hand and led her to the dance floor.

As Bella and Jacob reached the floor the DJ began playing 'No Air' by Jordin Sparks and Chris Browne. They swayed in time to the music and Bella felt caught up in the sentiment expressed by the song. Jacob had been her air since she came to Guaico. He was becoming her everything. She really hoped that he felt the same way about her. She'd let herself get so involved with him in her head, she'd had so many daydreams, fantasies, about him that now that she had told him how she felt she had to remember to try to restrain how she acted, he had not been along for the ride she'd had in her head.

Jacob caressed her hips and let his hands slip down to her buttocks. No man had ever touched her there but Bella felt strangely at ease with Jacob's touch. They danced together for several other songs. She could not remember how many, all she could remember was how she felt being that close to Jacob. She felt alive and full of hope! The way he held her made it patently clear to her that he shared her feelings and Bella was thrilled.

When the slow set was over Bella and Jacob returned to the table where Edward was sitting nursing his beer.

"Hey you guys"

"Hey Edward," Jacob responded "We almost forgot about these drinks. They're still cold though"

"Yeah they were beastly cold when I got them" From his response Bella could tell that he had returned to his usually taciturn self. She wondered what was the cause of his sudden reversion to his normal behaviour. She had enjoyed his company much more when he made the effort to be pleasant. In any event, Bella was too happy to think about it for too long though. Things were finally coming together with Jacob, all was right in her world.

The ride home was sublime. Bella felt lost in Jacob as the two sat close together in the back of the car. She wanted him to kiss her so badly but she was glad that he didn't. It would have been weird to make out in the back seat with Jacob when Edward was driving them home. Bella had really hoped that he would have found a girl at the club it would have made the ride home easier. She would not have had to worry about offending him if he were bust with a girl of his own.

As they entered the Cullen house, Edward quickly climbed the stairs and made his way to his room. Bella thought he was being really kind, she was sure that he was trying to give them privacy. Jacob took Bella's hand and slowly led her up the stairs. They made their way to his room and spent the night making out. Jacob's kisses were just as passionate as she'd dreamt they would be. She was so happy she could hardly believe it. Who knew that her decision to move to Guaico would have such a profound effect on her life?


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine: Coffee

In the weeks and months that followed Bella and Jacob's evening at The Squeeze, they became inseparable. Jacob was especially thoughtful and attentive and Bella relished every moment of it. While there was always plenty of work around the house, Bella found that Jacob spent most of his free time with her. They would talk for hours and make out whenever they could. Bella really hoped to marry this man someday.

She had also hoped that she would be able to build a better relationship with Edward though. She'd come from a tightly knit family and it was common where she came from that one got along well with one's in laws. In fact many of her friends from school who had got married lived with their in laws until they could afford homes of their own. If Edward were to become her brother-in-law in the future she wanted to have a good relationship with him now. It was just so difficult to talk to him. He was pleasant enough, but he just didn't talk much, at least not to Bella. Bella wondered how two brothers could be so different.

Just as Bella completed that thought Edward entered the room.

"I…I was wondering if you'd like to grab a cup of coffee at Rituals… with me? I mean would you like to go to Rituals for coffee with me?" Edward almost blurted out.

"That sounds great. I've been feeling kinda trapped on the farm lately so I'm just dying to get out of here"

Edward, it seemed, breathed a sigh of relief in response to her acceptance. She really didn't understand him. Why did he act like he was so invested in her answer? The talk would really do them good. She had to try to figure him out if she hoped to have any type of relationship with him.

"Great. Next hour good for you? I know that ladies need time to get ready"

"I am not your typical lady. It doesn't take me that long to get ready. I'll just go have a shower and meet you downstairs in… thirty minutes?

"Fine, half an hour it is then." Edward replied happily.

Bella headed directly to the bathroom to ready herself to go out. She really was happy for the chance to get away from the farm, if even just for a short while. The last few days had been sort of intense since they'd had a big delivery to the Hyatt and even Bella had had to get involved in harvesting flowers to fill the order. They had all been preoccupied with the order and had had little rest in the last few days. She was also glad for the opportunity to spend some time with her future brother-in law. She smiled at the though of having a brother-in-law.

She grabbed a long white fluffy towel from her bedroom and threw it over her shoulder before heading toward the bathroom. On her way to the bathroom, which was directly opposite to Edward's bedroom, she ran into him in the hallway. He too was apparently headed to the bathroom.

"Great minds think alike. Well, ladies first. Just call me when you're done."

"Great. I won't be too long so don't go too far away."

Bella was pleasantly surprised that he seemed to be in a surprisingly talkative mood today. In fact it seemed that whenever they were alone at the house as they were now, he was a little more talkative. They were alone now since Jacob was charged with the responsibility of making the actual delivery to Hyatt and Carlisle was, as he very often was, away on business.

Once in the bathroom she stripped out of her clothes and headed for the shower enclosure. Bella opened the shower and let the warm water soothe her aching muscles. She had not realized just how sore she was until the water began to release the tension that had obviously built up in them. She closed her eyes, relaxed and wondered if she would be able to leave the shower in the time frame she'd earlier predicted. The water just felt so good!

Suddenly, she heard a clunk and before she could figure out what had made the sound she was drenched by the sudden spray of water from the shower. Apparently the shower head had broken off and hit the bathroom floor producing the sound she had heard earlier. Instinctively, Bella ran out of the shower and covered herself with her now soaking wet towel while simultaneously calling for Edward. She was lucky she had told him to stay nearby because he was soon in the bathroom.

"Edward, the shower's broken!" She stood outside the shower enclosure dripping wet. She felt glad that she had pinned up her hair and had donned a shower cap before she went into the bathroom or her afternoon plans would have been ruined by soaking wet hair.

"Oh." Edward went in to the enclosure and immediately stopped the spray with his hand. "Could you get me a wrench from beneath the sink?" Bella noticed that he was dressed only in his towel which he had wrapped around his waist. She also noticed that while he was not as built as Jacob, his tall frame was lightly muscled and covered with long lean muscles. If she weren't attracted to Jake, Edward would definitely have a shot.

"Will this one do?" Bella cleared her head and reached below the sink and pulled out a large wrench.

"Yeah that's fine" he was already assessing the fallen shower head which he had picked up and was turning around in his free hand. Bella entered the shower enclosure behind him to hand him the wrench.

"Here Edward" She said as she handed him the wrench. She'd underestimated the weight of her drenched towel and as she let go of it with one hand to pass the wrench to Edward, the towel slipped and fell to the floor. Edward lifted his head just as the towel fell to the floor. Bella was totally embarrassed. She was in the small shower enclosure in close proximity to, what she could only presume was, a naked man and she was butt naked!

She was frozen. Bella could not fathom how she would get over this embarrassment. While she stood frozen, Edward drank her in with his eyes. He took in her body from head to toe but his gaze lingered on her bust and on the small triangle between her legs. It was only when Bella herself noticed that his towel began to rise that she snapped out of her daze and grabbed her towel from the floor and hurriedly covered herself.

Her sudden movement apparently snapped Edward back to his senses as well. "I'm sorry Bella. I really did not mean to stare." He had turned his back to her so that his erection was now hidden from her view. "Let me just finish up here and I'll be out of your way."

"It's okay Edward. It was my fault for dropping the towel." Bella wondered if she could ever look him in the eyes again and was concerned that their planned trip to Rituals might now be awkward.

"I hope that this doesn't change your mind about going out for coffee with me?" he questioned. Bella wondered how it is he always seemed to have this uncanny ability to know just what she was thinking. It wasn't the first time he'd done and she doubted it would be the last. She wondered if she were that easy to read.

"No, not at all Edward." What else could she say; 'No I'm too embarrassed to go out with you now that you've just seen me naked?. Instead she continued "I'll meet you downstairs as soon as you're ready."

"Great"

The rest of their preparation time was uneventful and Bella and Edward were soon on their way to Rituals. Edward drove. He took the scenic route and took the opportunity to point out several historic landmarks in Guaico that Bella had never paid much attention to before. He seemed to be at ease and to have forgot the events of earlier so Bella decided to forget it as well. If she didn't it would always be the white elephant in the room between them.

When they got to the coffee shop, Edward found them an empty table and Bella ordered a frappucino while Edward ordered a cup of black coffee with no sugar or milk.

"Why come to a coffee house to order black coffee with no sugar or milk Edward? You can have that at home. Why not try something a little more exciting from the menu? What about a caffe latte?" She urged

"I've never been much of an adventurer Bella. Once I find something … or someone I like I usually stick with it …or her.'

Bella wondered how come he was so forthcoming. She was glad though. She knew so little about Edward and if he was talking now she'd take the opportunity to find out some more about him.

"So you're a man of simple tastes, black coffee not frappucinos, and once you've found something that takes your fancy you stick with it. You're very handsome… tall… sexy sooooo… why don't you have a girlfriend?"

Edward blushed. She could tell he was embarrassed and regretted her bluntness. "Sorry Edward. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I shouldn't have pried."

"No that's okay. I don't mind answering. There is someone I …like but…she seems to like someone else."

"Seems Edward? That's not going to get you anywhere. Does she know that you like her? How are you sure she likes this other person?"

"I think she does. I think she knows I like her. I've tried my best to be attentive and kind. I don't know that there is much more that I can do. She's really smitten with him. The way she looks at him… I can tell she loves him."

"Sometimes attentive and kind isn't enough Edward. You have to tell her how you feel."

"I can't. I wouldn't want to step on another man's 'turf' so to speak. I don't think it would be right."

"All's fair in love and war Edward! Haven't you ever heard that?" Bella questioned when she got no response from Edward she continued, "Well maybe if you don't want to move forward with her then maybe you should move on? Find somebody new."

"Like I said earlier, I don't move on so easily. Once I like someone it's hard for me to let go."

"But you wouldn't be letting go exactly. There's nothing there right now."

"Maybe not for her but there's plenty there for me….. She fills my every thought."

Whoa, he really was smitten. "Well if you can't let go then you've got to tell her how you feel. Let's see…I know, this is going to be perfect. If she's the girl for you she'll never be able to resist this" Bella squealed. "Put together a bunch of her favourite flowers, tie them in a pink ribbon, give them to her and tell her how you feel. That's got to work!"

"I've done three quarters of that already. I just didn't tell her how I felt." He muttered under his breath, too low for her to hear.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing. I just think that it's a pretty good idea. I think I'll try it"

""Great. Let me know how it goes….Oh look at the time. We'd better be getting back." Bella didn't know where the time had gone. She needed to get home she had a date with Jake this afternoon.

"Ok." Edward replied as he motioned the waitress to bring the bill.

As they left the coffee shop, Bella was glad that she had come. She felt that she had got a better insight into Edward. She knew that he was in love with someone and that he was too shy to let that special someone know because she was involved with someone else. She actually felt kind of sorry for him. It must be really hard seeing that person and not being able to express his feelings for her. She was so grateful that everything was out in the open between her and Jacob. It would have been particularly torturous to live in such close proximity with Jacob and not have him know she felt and not have him reciprocate those feelings. She was truly grateful she was not in his position.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten: The R word (Part One)

The ride home was pleasant enough; Edward actually continued talking as much as he had talked in the coffee shop. She hoped that his new found openness would last; she really wanted to have a better relationship with him since she hoped he would soon be her brother-in-law. Bella knew that she wanted to marry Jacob more than anything in the world. She found that her feelings for him were strong; almost overwhelming. He was after all her first love.

When Bella and Edward arrived home, he rushed to open her door for her and said he hoped they could have more talks like they did today. Bella returned the sentiment. Her daydreams about Jacob often included family get-togethers. She imagined Jacob, Edward, Carlisle and herself having big picnics on the lawn at which she would announce that she was pregnant with her husband's child. She couldn't wait to have Jacob's baby. Bella knew she was getting way ahead of herself Jacob had not even proposed; they had not even had sex yet but she was daydreaming about babies. She shook her head to bring herself back to reality.

Just as she got out of the car she noticed that Jacob had returned and was waiting for her in the foyer. He was on his feet and it was almost as though he'd been on sentry duty awaiting her return. Bella knew that he would be eager to see her since They'd planned to spend the evening together. He had indicated that he wanted to go for a walk this. He'd said he had something special to show her and Bella could hardly wait. She ran into his arms and planted a big kiss on his lips. As usual Jacob reciprocated with everything that was in him. Their kisses were always so passionate and she often found it difficult to tear herself away from him.

"Jacob" Edward greeted him coldly as he followed her into the foyer.

"Edward" Jacob replied warmly "How was your morning coffee with Bella?"

"Fine, Jacob. It was fine. Now if you'll excuse me I'll just be in Carlisle's study if anyone needs me."

Jacob focused his attention on her. "Are you ready? I have a bag packed."

"Where are we headed Jacob?" She briefly wondered how Jake knew about her outing with Edward but she didn't let it trouble her for too long. After all her Jake was here and they were going on a date.

"You'll see. Let's start walking."

"Well at least tell me if I'm suitably dressed."

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it; I have taken care of everything."

Bella and Jacob set out for a walk and headed west of the Cullen house. They passed large fields planted with many different varieties of flowers among them hydrangeas, roses, lilies and orchids. Bella took in their beauty and felt so happy and contented to have the opportunity to walk by them with Jacob. There was so much in her life to be thankful for. Jacob brought her such happiness. They walked hand in hand for what seemed like miles but was in all likelihood only one. Just when she was finally tired and was about to start complaining, she noticed that they had come to an area of the farm she'd never seen before. She'd really never been this far out. Bella surveyed the area and noticed that about two hundred yards in front of her stood an incomplete structure.

"Where did this come from? Whose house is it Jake?"

"Your guess is as good as mine Bella. This is a corner of the estate I hardly ever visit. I was out here the other day, saw this and thought it was a wonderful place for us to have a little privacy."

"Privacy, Jake? What would we do with privacy?" She asked jokingly

"Well maybe you can't think of anything Bella but I sure can!" He replied as he raised his eyebrows. "Make out for one."

"Jacob you really are a naughty boy" Bella laughed

"Come. I have another surprise for you." Jacob led her by the hands into the house, up the stairs and to a room on the right that was obviously intended to be used as a bedroom. There Bella saw a small well made bed. For a second she wondered what a bed was doing in an incomplete structure but then she remembered how romantic Jacob always acted. She was sure he'd brought the bed so that they could make out in comfort.

"Jacob, you thought of everything" She smiled

"No I just thought of you Bella. About how much I love spending time with you, about how much I... I love you. There I said it. I've never said that to any woman Bella; but I do love you I've never felt this way before."

Bella rushed into his arms "Jake I'm so glad you feel that way! I love you too. I've loved you for so long."

Jake began to kiss her passionately and before long they were lying on the bed. Bella always enjoyed making out with Jacob but she could tell that something was different this time. There was greater urgency to his kisses. She felt caught up in him and the love she knew he was trying to express. So caught up that she did something out of the ordinary for Bella. She reached down and grabbed his rock hard crotch. Jacob groaned.

"Make love to me Jacob"

"Are you sure Bella? You don't have to if you don't want to. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I don't want you to regret anything you do with me. I didn't tell you I love you to coerce you into having sex with me."

She loved it that he was so nervous. It meant that this was truly special to him. She knew that Jacob had already had sex and that he was so nervous with her, as though it was his first time, made her more comfortable and more sure of what she was doing. She loved this man and giving him her virginity was right. She would be giving it to him eventually when they got married, so why wait? "I'm sure Jacob. I love you" she said before she planted a deep kiss on his lips.

Jacob returned her kiss and soon they were both naked, their clothes strewn on the bare concrete floors. Even though she had never been intentionally naked with any man before Bella felt safe and comfortable. The feeling didn't change when he began to caress her bare breasts or when his hands slipped down below her waist. In fact his touch made her feel more alive than she'd ever felt. Jacob focused intently on giving Bella pleasure and before long she noticed that a warm feeling began moving through her body. It emanated from her core but soon found its was down to between her legs. Bella close her eyes and let the feeling wash over her. Just as the feeling began to intensify, Jacob removed his hand and replaced it with his mouth. Bella thought she'd died and gone to heaven. She gripped the sheets as an explosive orgasm rocked her body.

"Hey, are you ok" Jacob questioned

"Never better!" was all she could manage.

"We don't have to do anything more right now. Not if you don't want to."

"I want to Jacob"

Jacob made his way back up the bed and renewed his attention to her mouth. He positioned himself over her entrance and carefully entered her. Bella was thankful that she was well lubricated from her orgasm. It made the adjustment easy. Jacob was large but he took his time with her. He entered her slowly and worked his way up to a steady rhythm. Bella quickly felt the heat return to her stomach and…sure enough she had another orgasm. This time she held nothing back she screamed his name and announced her climax as though he wasn't there and wouldn't be able to tell for himself. It seemed that her orgasm excited Jacob who soon followed her with an explosive orgasm of his own.

Bella felt on top of the world. She'd made love to the love of her life, had her first two orgasms, life just couldn't get any better. Oh yes it could. She could marry him and have his baby. In her head she knew that would have to be years away. She'd never wanted to get married at sixteen like some country bumpkin, but she would marry Jacob tomorrow if he asked her.

They lay together spent until Bella heard a noise coming from the stair well.

"Is someone here Jacob?" Bella whispered as she clung to the covers using them almost as a shield

"I don't think so. I'll go check." Jacob said while quickly getting dressed. Before he could make out of the bedroom a figure appeared at the door.

It was Edward.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven: The R word (Part Two)

"Leave !" It was a command not a request.

Jacob obliged. Edward's command was after all directed at only him. Bella was still scrambling to put on her clothes. She wondered why Jacob left without any resistance. He just zipped up his pants and left with only a backward glance. How could he leave her alone with Edward, or with anyone else for that matter, after what had just happened between them? She needed to speak to him. She got out of bed with the sheets wrapped around her and was about to get dressed so that she could follow him. She was stopped in her tracks by Edward's glare.

She could tell that Edward was angry. He carried in his hand a large bunch of blue hydrangeas, tied in a pink ribbon. After Jacob left he paced backwards and forwards for ten minutes before he spoke. As he started to talk he crushed the flowers with his hands.

"Is that why you came to Guaico Bella? To be another one of Jacob's whore?" Edward ground out through jaw clenched his.

"Edward! That's not fair. I love him and he loves me. I know that it's not right to have sex before marriage…but…but I just love him so much!"

"You love him and he loves you?" Edward laughed. It was a laugh that had no humour. "Do you know that Jacob _loves_ a different woman practically every month?" He had stopped pacing but had begun slowly moving straight towards her. "Do you think that you are somehow special to him?"

"I am Edward. I'm special to him and he is special to me. In any event Edward, I'm not answerable to you for anything that happened between Jacob and me."

"You're absolutely right" he responded sarcastically "You're absolutely right, you're not answerable to me. Who am I after all? I'm not important to you. I just happen to be the man who _truly_ loves you. Flowers and a pink ribbon? What a load of crap Bella. Flowers? You didn't come here for flowers?"

Bella was stunned. "What? What did you just say Edward? The import of his words dawned slowly on her. The woman he was secretly in love with was her. She covered her mouth with her hands. "Edward were you talking about me at the coffee shop today?...Oh my goodness, I had no idea you felt that way. Oh Edward, I'm really sorry. This must have been really painful for you. I'm _so_ sorry. I really didn't know!"

"Didn't know? Please Bella. I find that very hard to believe. You knew! You must have known. You just didn't care if I got hurt! …. And sorry? You're not sorry Bella. You and Jake both knew what you were doing to me. You must have been laughing behind my back all along. Why else would you have chosen to come here of all places?"

"What do you mean Edward? What's significant about here?"

"This Bella is the house that I have been building for us. And this … this is the master bedroom. The room in which I thought we would lose our virginities to each other. Now every time I come here all I will be able to think about is you and Jake. You and Jake naked… you and Jake fucking" He winced as though the memory pained him. He pressed the palm of his hands to his temples and closed his eyes as if to release the pressure that was obviously building within him.

Bella could tell that he was irate. Suddenly she was scared, afraid that he would be so upset that he would tell Carlisle. She knew that if Carlisle found out about what happened between her and Jake she would, in all likelihood, be sent back to Debe. In Shame! She didn't want that to happen.

"Edward, I'm sorry, I … I really didn't know that you had feelings for me. I'll make it up to you, I Promise."

Her words gave him pause. "How do you intend to make it up to me Bella?" She could see that her words were having their intended effect. He was calming down. She saw hope in his eyes.

" I have some real pretty girlfriends Edward. Maybe you, Jacob and I could double date sometime?"

The moment she said it she regretted it. She could see that her offer had upset him. Edward was livid again!

"So you want to palm me off on one of your friends now? You women are all the same. You spread your legs for any _idiot_ that is just out to use you but the nice guy? You just brush him off; fix him up with a friend… You'll make it up to me? You want to make it up to me? Well then, make love to me. You just did it for Jake. So now you can do it for me!"

"Don't be ridiculous Edward. You know it doesn't work that way. I made love to Jake because I love him. I'm not going to have sex with you just because you ask me to." Bella knew that there was nothing more that she could say to him; he was not thinking rationally. Her words, meant to soothe, were only enraging him. She needed to leave. She decided that she needed to make her way past him. But as she tried to, he stuck out his arm and stopped her progress.

"I'm ridiculous when I ask you for sex but Jacob's not?"

"It's _different_ Edward. I love Jacob. We have a relationship"

"You love him? Well you'll learn to love me." He had maneuvered so that he stood directly behind her. He held on to her hips and pressed his erection into her behind. "What's so wrong with me Bella? What's wrong with loving me?" he pleaded as he moved her closer to the bed. Edward obviously took her silence up to this point as consent. He reached up and grabbed her chest and massaged her breasts as he began kissing her neck.

"Oh Bella." He moaned as he wiggled against her butt.

Bella finally found her voice again. "Edward Stop!"

"Why Bella?" His breathing was heavy

Before Bella could respond, he grabbed her, pulled her down by the shoulders and pinned her on the bed beneath him.

"Edward, please! Please don't do this!"

He didn't respond. He just cut off her words with a crushing kiss on the lips. She struggled against him at first but soon realized it was pointless. She could not fight against his six foot two inch muscular frame. She couldn't call out for Jake. She knew he was probably a long way off by now and Edward had already removed the sheet which was the only covering she had. He pinned her to the bed with his body and was unzipping his pants.

Bella closed her eyes as he penetrated her. She literally could not believe this was happening. Only moments ago she had experienced the beauty and joy that accompanies being intimate with a man you love and now she was experiencing this.

Edward's mouth never left hers. She didn't get another opportunity to plead with him to stop. She didn't know if she would have pleaded if he had stopped kissing her, so great was her level of disbelief that this was actually happening to her. She had become numb.

His groans of climax jolted her back to reality.

"Ahhhhh. I love you Bella"

When he was done he released her arms but Bella did not have the strength to use them, they lay limply above her head. Edward stood up to adjust his clothes and Bella noticed that his hands trembled as he pulled up his zipper. Bella got dressed and numbly walked past him. Never in a million years had she ever contemplated that something like this would ever happen to her.

"Where are you going Bella? Don't leave just yet. I want to talk to you."

"There's nothing left to say Edward. What do you want to talk about? About the fact that you just raped me Edward?"

"No Bella. We… just made love. Maybe you didn't enjoy it as much as you did with Jake, but that does not make it rape!"

Even as he spoke Bella could see from his face that the reality of what just happened was sinking in.

"Did I say yes Edward? Did I say Yes?" tears streamed down her face

Edward ran his fingers through his hair and began tugging nervously on it. It was obvious that he was replaying their conversation in his mind. "No" this time it was not a no of denial but a no of realization. Bella decided to leave. As she passed him, he laid his hand upon her shoulder and said, "Bella, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! This is not how I wanted our first time to be. I'm sorry Bella." His eyes pleaded for forgiveness. She shook his hand off her shoulder, looked him squarely in the eyes and said, "Don't you ever touch me again Edward! Your sorry means nothing to me. I hate you! I will always hate you for what you've done to me. I won't tell anyone about what you did but don't you ever speak to me again!"

With those words, she ran out the door and back to the house she needed to speak to Jake.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve: On The Couch

Bella had run all the way back to the Cullen house. She had gone straight to the upstairs bathroom and showered five times before she'd finally felt clean. She had spoken to Jacob and he had explained that he felt that Edward needed to talk to her so that he had given him the space to do it. She was upset with him at first but she soon forgave him. It wasn't his fault his brother was disgusting and there was no way he could have known what Edward would do!

Now, three years later Jacob and Bella's relationship was perfect.

Edward. Bella tried to stay out of his way. He, on the other hand it seemed, sought her out. He was always begging for forgiveness or asking her to talk. He would often be waiting outside his door on those nights that Bella made her way across the corridor to be with Jacob. "Please Bella? Could you just spend some time with me? I just want to talk! Please." She'd heard him time and time again, but each time she'd walk past his room as though he didn't exist. He'd finally got the message and left her alone, he just stopped appearing in the corridor.

After that he'd taken up only speaking to her when Carlisle was around since he realised that she would talk to him then. She didn't want to make Carlisle upset so she humoured Edward in front of Carlisle. On the rare occasion that Carlisle was at home Edward used it to his full advantage; asking Bella about how she was going and even on occasion inviting her to some party or other. Bella's responses were always the same. A polite no!

Carlisle had arrived last Tuesday so Bella had braced herself for another onslaught of invitations from Edward. As they sat together having their Friday night dinner he began:

"So Bella, there's a party tomorrow night at the Squeeze … and I was wondering if you might want to go…with me?"

"I don't think so Edward" Bella replied politely

"Why don't you go Bella? It will be good for you to get out and good for you to spend some time with Edward." Carlisle interjected.

She wondered where that came from. "It's just that I'm very tired Carlisle. I don't know if I'll be up to going out tomorrow."

"Well here's what, why don't you take tomorrow off? That way you'll be well rested tomorrow night and the two of you can go have some fun."

"Ok." Bella searched her mind to figure out how she could put off this outing. Then it dawned on her, "Maybe Jake can come along?" If she couldn't put it off at least maybe Jake could come along.

"No…I think Jake has some deliveries to do on that night don't you Jake?"

"Um yeah...yeah I have to make a night time delivery, you know flowers for a wedding the next morning." Jake chimed in.

Bella was now certain that this was co-ordinated. She had never seen a night time delivery before. She wondered what lies Edward had spun to get Jake and Carlisle to agree to this charade. "Well I guess it's settled then." She looked over at Edward, who usually sat directly opposite her at the table, and smiled. She hated him so much at this moment she wondered if he could tell, even in spite of her smile. She only saw optimism on his face. He was so clueless. She wondered what exactly he thought this charade would achieve.

When dinner was over she cleared the table, cleaned up the kitchen and headed upstairs. She made a point to visit Jacob in his room. Carlisle was not home, having left for a short stay at the Hyatt, so she did not hold back on her screams of ecstasy. She knew Edward would be listening and she hoped it would upset him.

By the look on his face the next morning she knew she'd achieved the desired result.

Her achievement actually relaxed her and Bella actually enjoyed her day off. She took a walk into the town centre and bought herself some new clothes and shoes. When she returned home she was so tired that she took a nap on the upstairs lanai. The area was well shaded by the plethora of potted ferns that hung from the surrounding beams but Bella noticed that the sun always found a way to peek in through the plants. Somewhere between sleep and wake, she realized that she no longer felt the sun; whose rays had it seemed previously taken up residence on her legs. She opened her eyes and discovered that the reason for the sun's sudden absence was Edward. He had been standing over her for how long she did not know.

He must have noticed that her eyes were opening so he said,

"I was just wondering if you might want to go inside to nap…I notice that you seem pretty tired after your trip to town so I thought you might be more comfortable inside."

"I'm fine right where I am Edward."

"Well Ok. I was just concerned."

"Thanks, but no thanks Edward."

He just sauntered away and left her alone.

Before long it was eight o'clock and Bella was dressed to go out. She wore a loose fitting dress that did an excellent job of disguising her figure. They drove in silence all the way to the club and Bella stared stoically out the window. She supposed he knew better than to try and make small talk with her and she wondered what he really thought he would achieve tonight. He had to know she hated him.

Edward was ever the perfect gentleman, or at least he tried to be. As he parked outside the club he asked her to wait in the car but when Bella realized he was coming around the car to open her door for her she hurriedly jumped out of the car before he had the opportunity to reach her door. They walked into the club together and Edward immediately asked her if she wanted to dance. He really had to be kidding! She didn't answer him but she was sure that the look on her face would tell him that there would be no dancing with her tonight. They found a table and Edward went to the bar to get drinks. Upon his return they again sat in silence for twenty minutes before he finally spoke up:

"I've been trying really hard to figure out how to act around you. I realize that you were hurt by … by what happened between us but I want us to move past that. Bella I have very strong feelings for you and I know that right now you are…in a relationship with Jacob but I hope that we can at the very least be friends."

"That's not going to happen, Edward." Bella replied flatly

"Bella, please give me a chance to make it up to you."

"Whatever Edward" She was tired of this conversation. She didn't care enough to argue with him. Her tone was resigned and he must have picked up on it. Ever the optimist he asked:

"Do you want to dance, Bella?"

"No, actually, I just want to go home." She gave him a bright but wry smile. She could see that he wasn't surprised by her request. He just quietly got up and waited for her to lead the way out. The ride home was as silent as the ride to the club.

Once she was home she didn't bother to go to her room, she headed straight for Jake's room which was the first room at the top of the stairs. Edward had followed her up the stairs so he would have had a perfect view of her entering Jacob's room. Once there, she practically assaulted Jake.

""Um, …Um. O Jake I love sucking your cock. …Um…Um…Um" Bella knelt before Jacob and gave him the blow job of his life. Her head bobbed up and down in his lap. She could tell that he was enjoying her efforts as his head was thrown back and his eyes were closed. Obviously he was enjoying what she was doing. She knew that she was good at it and it wasn't long before Jacob came. It was good that she didn't have to wait long before he had another erection.

The sex was mind-blowing and apparently utterly exhausting. Bella didn't realize that she had fallen asleep in Jacob's room until she was awakened by a knock at the door and realized that she was not in her own room but was lying in Jake's bed. His arm was draped over her and they had slept in a spooning position. Bella hoped that there would be many more nights like last night (at least the part that involved Jake) and mornings like this morning in her future.

The knock at the door jolted her out of her fantasy.

"Bella?...Bella?"

It was Edward. "Yes Edward."

"Good Morning Bella..Jacob" he said from the other side of the door. "Carlyle wants to see to you both in his study as soon as you get dressed."

"Oh, okay. We'll be down in a minute" She wondered what he wanted to speak to them about. Wondered if he had realized that they had slept in Jake's room and wanted to chastise them for doing it. She was totally embarrassed. She dressed quickly and rushed downstairs not wanting to provoke his anger or prolong her shame. Jacob it seemed was less concerned about whatever it was Carlyle was about to say. She knocked timidly on the door to Carlyle's study.

"Come in." She entered quietly, Jacob followed.

"Good Morning, Carlyle. I understand that you wanted to speak to me...us." As she surveyed the room she noticed that Edward too was seated on the sofa in the study, she wondered why he was here but didn't ask; instead she greeted him, "Good morning, Edward." He greeted her in return but did not make eye contact. It seemed that he had found something very interesting on his lap and he was making a study of it.

"Have a seat Bella." Carlyle offered. While she looked around for a seat he continued, "Yes I do need to talk to you; I've put this off for far too long. You can sit on the sofa next to Edward."

She made her way over to the sofa and again noted that Edward did not make eye contact with her. She was certain now that he must have told Carlyle that she spent the night in Jacob's room. She wondered what would be _her_ punishment (surely she alone would be punished, he would not punish his son. Jacob was a man after all and would be seen as 'just sowing his wild oats' it was she who would be considered the loose one) and sincerely hoped that she would not be sent back home to Debe. Edward was really too much. He was a jealous, spiteful, hateful person.

"Bella, do you remember when your school visited the Farmers' Market in Guaico all those years ago? You must have been in Form Four at the time."

"Yes I remember."

"Well you may not have known it then, but Edward saw you at the market."

She looked over at Edward. Now she really did not know where this was going. It did not seem to be about last night.

Edward finally spoke up "I gave you a bouquet of flowers, Blue hydrangeas. You said they were your favourite." he said as he continued to look down at his lap.

"I remember that … but why are we talking about my trip to the Farmers' Market?"

"You'll see in a while Bella. Be patient." Carlyle answered "We're talking about that trip because it's central to your life and …to Edward's." he paused just long enough for her to really wonder where this conversation was going. "Bella, do you believe in love at first sight?"

She thought about Jacob. She could not honestly say that it was love at first sight. It had taken time for love to grow between them. So she answered honestly.

"No. No I don't"

"That's surprising. I thought most women believed in it."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you but I just don't, Carlyle" she kept her voice calm, even since she really had no idea where this conversation was going.

"Well Edward does." She looked across at him; still he refused to raise his head. "He fell in love with on that trip. He says from the first moment he saw you he was in love with you. He was so in love with you that he couldn't stop talking about you when he came home. I'd never seen him so excited about anyone. Of course he'd had his crushes before but I knew this was different. So…we called your school and got contact information for your mother and uncle."

"Why would you want to contact my mother and uncle? And when exactly did you contact them?"

"I called them about four years ago and arranged … for you to marry Edward."

"What? To marry Edward? There must be some kind of mistake! I … I love … I have very strong feelings for Jacob. This can't be right." Bella was totally confused. How could he say that he had arranged for her to marry Edward, he must be mistaken. Her mother would never have been party to any arranged marriage. Even though arranged marriages were common in some quarters of the country, Bella's mother always told her that she believed that people should be free to find love on their own.

"Bella I know now that we approached this wrong. We should have told you from the start; in fact your mother and uncle were supposed to have told you before you came here but when they told me that they didn't, I had a talk with Edward and told him that you didn't know. I told him to be patient and kind with you and that love would grow. It seems however that he's been a bit too patient. Allowing you to develop feelings for Jacob in the mean time. It really does not matter now. Your little fling with Jacob is over. You were sent here to be Edward's wife and that's what you'll be." He was calm as he spoke; Carlyle was always calm. His calmness usually made her feel at ease around him but this time it was just annoying her.

Throughout it all, Edward still hadn't said a word. The only thing that had changed since she had come into the room was that he was now staring straight ahead instead of in his lap. She continued, "Carlyle, I know that you _think_ that I was sent here to marry Edward, but you're mistaken. My mother would never do that to me."

"Do you want to speak to your mother Bella?" Carlyle questioned politely.

"Yes, I would like to actually."

"Okay." Carlyle said as he reached for the phone and dialled what she could only presume was her mother's number. He waited for a while and then began.

"Good morning Mischa… yes I'm fine and Bella is fine. In fact she's right here and she wants to talk to you. Hold on a second."

Bella took the phone from his outstretched hands. "Hi mom"

"Hello Bella baby. It's been so long since I've heard from you. How are you and Edward going?"

Bella felt crestfallen. "Why would you ask me a question like that mom? What made you think I would be with him?" From the corner of her eye Bella could see Edward's movement as he adjusted himself in the chair. It seemed that he sat up straighter somehow. It was as though her question to her mother somehow gave him confidence.

"Aren't you two together yet?" Mischa replied.

"No mom, we're not together. Why would you ask me that though mom? There's something you're not telling me! Carlyle said that I was sent here for an arranged marriage to Edward, is that true mom?" Bella already knew the answer but she wanted to hear her mother say it.

"Yes it's true Bella."

"How could you mom? How could you do this to me?"

"Bella, I just wanted what's best for you. The Cullens are a good family and Edward is a nice respectful young man. He will be good for you Bella."

"Why mom? Why would you do this to me? I thought you believed in love" Bella felt totally humiliated.

"Bella I'm sorry but … your uncle insisted. Hewanted that new car. He would never have been able to afford it and it was a good thing for the entire family. Remember how he used to pick you up from school, Bella?"

Then everything fell into place. The car that her uncle had got when she was in Form Four, he had got it soon after she had made her class trip to Guaico. The car was her dowry. She had been sold like a piece of chattel in exchange for a car. She let the receiver fall from her hands. There was nothing more to say to her mother. She would have nowhere to go to even if she decided to run away from this 'arrangement'.

While she'd focused on Edward's silence, she had not missed Jacob's. He'd said nothing since they came into the study. Like so many other times before, he wasn't there for her. She briefly wondered why but then realized whether he stood up for her or not it would not have mattered. Carlyle had already pronounced the end of their relationship and Jacob could not challenge that. She would soon be married to Edward whether she wanted to or not.

The rest of the conversation passed by like a blur, Bella wasn't able to concentrate. She was brought back to reality by Edward's voice,

"Bella?... Bella? …Bella …Bella … Bella, wake up. It's like you've been dreaming…" Her eyes focused and it was Edward who was shaking her, but she was in the wrong place. She wasn't on Carlyle's couch any more. She was seated at a table and Edward was across the table from her. As she looked around she realized that she was at Jacob's wedding she must have drifted off….


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen: Back at the Wedding

Edward left Bella at their table. She was lost in thought anyway and hadn't been much company. He really wanted to talk to Jacob and now was as good a time as any. Jacob was now happily married to Leah and Edward needed to get a commitment from him that he would leave Bella alone. They hadn't run off as Bella was hoping, so that at least was a step in the right direction. Edward had to ensure that it would remain that way.

He'd watched Jacob and Leah throughout the evening and from what he could tell; Jacob really was in love with Leah. He looked at her the same way he, Edward, looked at Bella. And Edward loved Bella! Jacob held Leah the same way that Edward wanted to hold Bella, the same way he would have held her if she gave him the chance.

When Jake and Leah were making their rounds around the hall, greeting their guests, Edward told Jacob that he wanted to speak to him alone when he had the time. Now, Jacob motioned to him that he had some time so Edward followed him into the same small rectory in which Jacob and Bella had spoken earlier.

"So, what's up bro?" Jacob wasted no time in trying to ascertain what Edward was about.

"Well first of all let me say congratulations again to you and Leah. I wish you a long and happy marriage."

"Thanks! ... but I know that's not what you wanted to tell me in private"

Edward looked down at the floor and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. A smile played across his lips. "It's about Bella… I wanted to ask you to leave her alone."

"I'm married dude. I have no intention of being unfaithful to Leah."

"Yeah, I guessed as much but I just wanted to be on the safe side. I wanted it out in the open…..especially after what happened earlier."

"Earlier?" Jacob's expression was puzzled.

"I know she asked you to run away with her Jacob." Edward looked Jacob straight in the eyes. They say the eyes are the window to the soul and he needed to see into Jacob's soul right now; needed to see the truth. "Since she's still here and you married Leah, I figured you said no." Edward spoke the words as a statement but the question was clear. He wanted confirmation.

"Yeah I did. I told her no. I also told her to give you a chance. That you love her."

"You did?" Edward questioned. When Jacob nodded yes, Edward smiled and continued "What did she say?"

"Dude you need to be careful. I don't think Bella cares about you at all."

"Why? What did she say?"

"She said she didn't give a fuck about you or your feelings."

"Oh…Oh." He nodded his head as if in confirmation. He was crestfallen.

"Give her time, Edward. Her feelings may change now that…things have changed."

"Jacob, do you remember the first day she came to Guaico?"

Jacob nodded again, so Edward went on. "You remember dad called me aside to talk in his office?"

"Yes I remember." It was Jacob's turn to look puzzled.

"He told me that she didn't know that she was coming to Guaico to be my wife. He advised me to take my time with her. To be attentive and kind and that love would follow. I tried. I've really tried Jacob. But it seems that there are things that I've done … mistakes that I made that she can't get past."

"Give her time Edward. Just give her time."

"What else can I do? There's nothing else that I have to give that she wants. Well, I didn't come here to burden you my marital problems, especially not on your wedding day. I..um…wish you and Leah the best Jacob, I really do. I'll see you later"

Edward left the rectory and headed back to his table. As he approached it he could see that Bella was still 'far away'. He made small talk with a few of his neighbours on the way back and again fielded questions about whether Bella was pregnant. If only they knew how much he wished for that they'd probably stop asking him about it. He wanted Bella to have his child but she didn't even want him to touch her so there was precious little chance that he'd get what he wanted.

He finally got back to the table and it seemed she didn't even notice that he'd been gone. "Bella…Bella" When his voice alone didn't get her attention, he reached out and gently shook her arms, "Bella." Her skin was so soft. He missed touching her. "Bella." He could see that her eyes were starting to focus on him again. "Bella, it's like you've been dreaming."

"I wasn't dreaming, Edward. Just remembering."

"Good things I hope."

"Some good. Some not so good." She finally focused on him. "I've lost him Edward. It's over… He's chosen Leah."

"I know Bella. I'm sorry that you got hurt … but I'm not sorry it happened." He said quietly

She looked at him and he could see the pain in her eyes. He wished for a moment that she felt that way about him and hoped that if he gave her time she would learn to love him. He realised the DJ was playing his favourite song – "I wanna know what love" is by Mariah Carey – so he said,

"Hey this is my favourite song. Do you want to dance?" He held out his hand and hoped she would take it but he prepared himself for another rejection.

"Ok"

I gotta take a little time  
A little time to think things over  
I better read between the lines  
In case I need it when I'm colder

In my life there's been heartache and pain  
I don't know if I can face it again  
Can't stop now, I've travelled so far  
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is...  
I want you to show me...  
I wanna feel what love is...  
I know you can show me...

I'm gonna take a little time  
A little time to look around me...  
I've got nowhere left to hide  
It looks like love has finally found me...

In my life! there's been heartache and pain  
I don't know if I can face it again  
I cant stop now, I've travelled so far  
To change this lonely life!.!.!.!.  
I wanna know what love is...  
I want you to show me...  
I wanna feel what love is...  
I know you can show me...

Edward held Bella close as he swayed to the music. He was grateful the she was giving him the opportunity to comfort her, to hold her close when she was upset. She had never done it before. He liked this new development; this change. He hoped it was permanent.

As they danced he inhaled the scent of her hair, strawberries, he'd always loved that scent. He listened to the words of the song as they moved and remembered why he loved the song so much. He'd loved Bella for so long now that it seemed he could not remember a time before he loved her. It was just that he wanted her to love him back! He wanted it so desperately that sometimes it made his head spin. And now dancing here with her at Jacob's wedding, to his favourite song, inhaling the scent of her hair, pressed up against her, he could almost imagine that she had some feelings for him. Maybe it was his turn to dream now.

Being this close to her was having other effects too. Her movements against his body were fluid, graceful … sexy. He could feel her through the thin chiffon dress she was wearing, could feel her breasts against his chest, her hips against his thighs. It was very sensual and the thinness of the dress and the fact that he'd had not had sex in three months weren't helping him!

In no time he was aroused and what was worse was that he was sure that she could tell. But this time unlike every other time she did not move away from him or ask to return to her seat. She was actually allowing him to hold her close while he had an erection. He was certainly enjoying the dance and its effects but he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable so he was careful not to press too closely.

When the song ended, he was pleasantly surprised to note that she did not head back to the table. Instead she held him close and they continued dancing. He figured she must be really hurt!

"Are you sure you're okay Bella?" He asked after they'd danced for five songs in a row.

"Yeah, I'm fine. … I've had some time to think and I just realised that I didn't lose Jake today. I lost him a long tome ago. In fact I'm beginning to wonder if I ever _had_ him in the first place. There have been so many times when he just didn't stand up for me, didn't fight for me. Do you know what he told me today? He told me that he'd known all along, right from the beginning that we were supposed to get married. It really sent me into a tail spin Edward. How could he get involved with me and worse yet let me get involved with him when he knew I was promised to you? I just don't get it! I feel so let down by him."

He was glad that she was opening up to him. It was strange for Bella to say more than one sentence to him at a time. She was usually so guarded. He wasn't stupid though; this new loquaciousness must be because she was still upset about Jake.

"Well Bella people make mistakes. We're all entitled to a few mistakes I think. What's most important is how you make it up or try to make it up to those you've hurt along the way." He said thoughtfully.

"I guess you're right. We all make mistakes. It just seems that some are so bad; so hurtful, it makes you wonder how they were made in the first place."

"People do stupid things when they're in love Bella. Stupid, stupid things. Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees when you want someone badly." He stopped even though he had so much more to say. He was sure she would realize he was talking about himself and not Jake and he didn't want to upset her.

"I'm sure that's so. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever had that kind of love …I thought I did …but I'm not so sure anymore."

He wanted to tell her that he loved her that way and that if she would give him a chance maybe she would grow to love him too. But he knew she'd been through a lot today and he didn't think now was the right time. So instead he just held her close and continued to dance in silence.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen: Riding

As the night wore on he noticed that she seemed a little freer with her conversation and that they were actually chatting pleasantly. She had been to the bar twice and both times had ordered beer. He knew she generally did not drink unless she was upset and as far as upset goes this night had to be pretty challenging for her.

Finally, after Jake and Leah made another round, thanked their wedding guests and left for their honeymoon, Bella suggested they leave.

"Edward, I'm feeling pretty tired. Maybe we should head home."

"Ok. Let's just say goodnight to a few people and then we can leave."

They bid farewell to a few of his friends, mostly mature ladies. Bella always did say all the mothers in the area loved him. Bella it seemed did not have anyone in particular to whom she wanted to say farewell. On the way home she just stared out of the window saying nothing. Edward didn't really mind. It gave him an opportunity to admire her, admire the rise and fall of her breasts as she breathed. It really had been too long since he'd touched them. He wanted nothing more than to reach over and touch them right now and he was grateful she was looking out the window so that she couldn't see him ogling her. He really was desperate. He was getting hard just by looking at her and thinking of the things that he wanted to do with her.

When they arrived home, she headed directly to the kitchen,

"Well good night Edward. I going to turn in early, I just want to get a drink of water before I head up to my room."

He realized she was subtly trying to tell him she would be sleeping alone tonight. He wasn't surprised; he had had no intention of asking her to sleep in her room. He needed to be alone tonight or rather he needed privacy.

"Ok I'll just head up to my room. Good night Bella"

"Goodnight Edward."

As soon as he got to his bedroom, Edward started to undress. He took off his jacket and tie and sat down on the bed recounting the evening's events. It seemed to him that Bella was finally beginning to get over Jacob. He hoped that that would mean there was now some room in her heart for him. He remembered how good it had felt to hold her close, to feel her heart beat against his chest and to feel her body against his.

As he remembered, he let his hand slip down to his lap and he undid his zipper. He did not fool himself that this was accidental. As soon as he noted the effect she had on him when they were dancing he knew he would have to do this to relieve the pressure he was feeling. He began making long slow strokes and he let his eyes close as he imagined that Bella was here with him and that it was her stroking his member. He remembered her scent and inhaled deeply as though it would heighten the memory.

By the time he had worked up to a decent rhythm he heard,

"Edward?"

He jumped up, turned his back to her and tried in vain to get his pants zipped back up. He chastised himself for leaving the door open; he had been so certain that she would not come to his room but would instead head straight to hers.

He knew that Bella did not approve of masturbation and felt that the fact that she had caught him in the act could erase any gains he may have made earlier in the evening.

"Bella, I'm sorry … I didn't mean to upset…"

Before he could finish his sentence Bella was right next to him; standing between him and the bed. She placed her finger over his mouth to silence him. He obliged her and stopped talking. Once she realized that he was done, she slid her hands down to his arms and turned him around so that his back was now toward the bed. She gently guided him until he sat down and she stood in front of her. He braced himself for the start of her lecture. She was obviously displeased and did not want to hear his excuses.

Edward sat awaiting her tirade and was surprised that instead of mouthing off at him she began lowering what little of his zipper he had managed to pull up. He raised his eyes and searched her face for some clue about what she was about to do. Bella may have disliked him but she had never been physically cruel to him. He was unsure of whether she was about to start now. When she reached into his zipper and grabbed a hold of his erect member he was both exhilarated and nervous. Unsure of what to expect, he grabbed her wrist to stop her from hurting him.

"Bella … don't"

"Shhhhh…" came her only response. She wrapped her fingers around his restraining hand and removed it. Then Bella began to stroke him. His eyes also rolled back in his head. He could not believe it but Bella … his Bella was stroking his cock. The sensation was indescribable, unbelievable; her soft hands, as compared to his rough ones. He closed his eyes and savoured the new sensation. She was willingly giving him a hand job. He hoped this would never end and he was afraid he would ejaculate too soon and bring it to an early conclusion. He placed his hand over hers to slow down her pace; he was desperate to prolong this.

Just as those thoughts began to swirl in his head he noticed that he felt the bed sink to the right of him. He opened his eyes and realized that Bella was climbing up on the bed. She had placed her left knee to his right and she now held on to his shoulders as she pulled herself up so that she was straddling him. Her dress was hiked up just enough to allow him to see that she did not have on any underwear. Inanely he scanned the room and saw it on the floor. She must have taken it off when she was stroking him. He didn't even know why he cared when she'd taken it off since by now he was firmly of the view that she was going to have sex with him. He held on to her hips but waited for her to lower herself onto him.

When she did it was like no other time he'd entered her. This time Bella actually wanted him inside her. He could tell not only because it was she who had climbed on top of him but because she was wet. That had never happened before. There would be no need for KY tonight.

Then she began to ride him. The incredulous feelings he thought he'd felt before paled in comparison to this new sensation. Bella lifted herself up and down on his cock and he used his hands which he'd already placed on her pelvic bone, to move her forward and backward. The way he felt made his toes curl. He reached out to caress her breasts through her dress and she instantly invited him to undo her zipper which was round the back of the dress. He eagerly obliged and was rewarded with the sight of her pert round breasts. He took each nipple into his mouth and circled it with his tongue as she continued to ride him. Bella groaned,

"Ooohhhhh … Edward. Edward I'm coming!"

And that simple sentence was his undoing. Bella had said his name … while they were having sex and she was having an orgasm from sex with him. He exploded. "Oh …. Bella." He gripped her hips so tightly he wondered if he would leave a bruise. He felt drained; he clung to her hoping desperately that she would not leave.

He needed her to spend the night in his room. It would reassure him that she was okay with what had happened between them. He was relieved when she collapsed into his embrace. And for the first night since he'd married her. Bella slept right where he thought she'd always belonged…in his arms.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen: Regular Occurrences

For the first time in three months Edward slept peacefully. He dreamt that he and Bella made love over and over again; that she screamed his name and told him she loved him. It was as though he could feel, smell and taste her, the dream felt very real. But when Bella said she loved him more than she'd ever loved Jacob, he knew it was a dream. This really could not be happening.

Yeah they were having fantastic sex that felt completely right and real but even as he dreamt, Edward knew that Bella really loved Jacob so any admission of loving him more than she did Jacob had to be a dream. Even though he knew it was a dream, he regretted leaving it behind when he woke up. The dream was unbelievable, but it still was really perfect. Just the way he'd always imagined that making love to Bella would be. He'd always fantasized about Bella as a willing partner; enjoying sex with him just as much as she'd enjoyed it with Jacob. And yes he knew he was paranoid about Jake and Bella's sexual encounters. She had done so many more things with Jacob; had been more open and willing with him; more satisfied. Edward wanted her to be just as free when she was with him.

As he snapped himself out of his dream, Edward realized that he'd turned during the night and that his back was now facing Bella. He turned only to realize that even though her scent still lingered on the bed, Bella herself was not there. A faint smile crept across his lips as he wondered if she'd got up early and gone downstairs to make his breakfast. He'd always read that a woman who was sexually satisfied loved to cook for her man. If he had to judge her sexually satisfaction by his own and by the way she'd screamed last night then she'd be cooking up a storm.

Edward took a shower and quickly got dressed, pulling on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He brushed his teeth, washed his face and headed downstairs to meet Bella. He could barely contain his excitement as he descended the stairs and made his way to the kitchen which was at the back of the house. He remembered how Bella felt as he held her when they danced; how she smelt and looked as she closed her eyes while she rode him; he remembered that she was wet. He never wanted to forget last night and he hoped that there would be plenty more last nights in the days, months and years ahead.

He got downstairs with pep in his step that he hadn't had for a long time. He rounded the corner and noticed that Bella was sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen over a steaming cup of coffee. She clutched her head in her hands and even though he couldn't see her face, he knew that something wasn't right. He slowed his pace and softened his step wondering just how to approach her.

"Hey, morning Bella. Are you alright?" He thought the direct approach was best.

"Morning Edward. I have a splitting headache. That'll teach me."

"Teach you what Bella?" He asked puzzled

"Teach me not to get plastered! I really feel out of it. You know I don't usually drink Edward, why didn't you stop me?" She asked the question like she already knew the answer.

"I knew you had a lot on your plate last night. And I only saw you have two drinks so I figured you'd be able to handle it."

"I don't think I'm handling it very well at the moment. My head feels like it's about to explode."

"I'll make you a tomato drink. I hear they're very good for hangovers." He moved across the kitchen and headed straight for the refrigerator. He found all the ingredients he need in the vegetable drawer and headed to the sink to wash them before he chopped them and put them in the blender. He ran the blender on a low speed knowing that the sound of its motor working would irritate her headache. Just as the blender turned the tomato so too Edward's mind was turning; mulling over the consequences of this new development. If she was hung over now, was she drunk last night? And did that automatically mean that she didn't know what she has been doing with him, did she even remember what she did with him?

He waited until he set the glass of tomato juice before her and as he watched her drink he said,

"How about last night Bella?"

"What? What do you mean Edward? What about last night?"

Just his luck! It sounded like she didn't even remember what had happened last night. He had to tread carefully. The last thing he wanted to confirm was that she didn't remember the most special night of his life!

"You just said that you're not handling it well this morning. What about last night then. How did you handle it last night?"

"Last night was fine. I would not have drunk so much if I were feeling upset or…" he saw the exact moment of realization in her eyes. He saw just when she figured out that he was not talking about the wedding but later in the night after they got home. She continued, "Oh… you mean later last night don't you?"

"Yes Bella. I'm talking about after we got home; about when we made love." His voice trailed off as he said the last two words. For him hope was fading fast. He was losing hope that she would have as pleasant a memory of last night as he did. Edward studied the counter top of the breakfast bar. He couldn't look her directly in the eyes. Not if she was about to break his heart, shatter it into a thousand pieces.

"Oh" she smiled before continuing, "Well Edward … I know we had sex last night ... and that it was fun … but that was really the alcohol. I was drunk and missing …"

"Don't say it! Don't you dare say you were missing Jacob." He almost screamed

"I wasn't going to say _that_. I was going to say that I was missing companionship ...well not companionship exactly more like _**sex**_. So in essence I was drunk and horny and I needed to exorcise that demon as they say. But I'm sorry Edward. You didn't deserve to be used in that way, and I'm sorry I used you. You were really very kind and supportive of me and I had to go muck things up by having sex with you. I'm sorry if you got the wrong impression about last night. It was just a one off thing. I hope you didn't get your hopes pinned on it being a regular occurrence."

And there it was, a perfect manual for how to deflate a man's hope. He didn't know how to respond. What could he say, that he didn't consider it a muck up but rather the most sensational night of his life? Anything he said now would sound like he was begging her to reconsider and to have sex with him on a regular basis.

Well at the very least things were changing. She was actually sorry for being so cruel to him. _That_ had never happened before. Bella was apologizing for grinding his nuts into the ground. _I hope you didn't get your hopes pinned on it being a regular occurrence. _How flippantly she was able to dismiss the first time they'd had sex and it had been pleasant for both of them. To him it was a landmark love making session but to her, it was a muck up_. _Her words were replaying in his head and stabbing at his heart.

When he didn't answer she continued, "Edward, again I'm sorry"

"Drink the tomato juice Bella." That was all that he could manage to say. Edward was beginning to believe that she would never ask him to make love to her. This was going to be a sexless marriage. He had already had enough of masturbating and now it seemed that Bella wanted to commit him to a lifetime of beating off.

Sensing his unease she chimed in, "It's not like we'll never have sex again … it's just that well … it won't be like last night. Last night I wasn't really myself; that was the alcohol talking; acting, and I know the sex was really hot but I just don't feel that way about you … sexually … when I am myself. Maybe we could go back to having sex like we did before."

"Sex like before?" He snickered before regaining his composure, "You mean like when you just lie there and … and do nothing? When you refuse to let me kiss you; when you refuse to touch me? … That's not sex Bella that's one hair away from rape. I know there was a time when I felt, and there still are times when I feel, desperate enough to accept any scrap from your table but not after last night Bella. You say that you don't feel that way about me? Well I don't believe you Bella! You won't admit to yourself that I'm a half decent guy that you might like if you gave me a chance. The alcohol didn't act for you, oh no … that was you using the alcohol to take a chance you wouldn't dare take when you're sober. I realize from what you've said here you haven't come to terms with that yet but don't worry Bella. I'll be right here waiting when you do."

He could tell that she was surprised; he had never spoken to her like that before. He too was surprised, but he felt like she needed to hear it. He had waited too long to tell her. He was always too afraid that she would leave him and go back to Jake; back to good sex; back to orgasms. And part of him was always ashamed of the fact that he could never please her but after last night he knew that she could climax with him if she would just let go of her anger over their first sexual encounter and if she'd let go of the memory of Jake. That's what the alcohol helped her do. Now if she could just do the same sober their marriage would be perfect.

He'd been really optimistic about her getting closer to loving him or at least caring about him when he woke up this morning, but not so much anymore. He trusted that she would consider his words seriously; hoped she would give him a chance someday soon. All he could do was wait and see.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen: Fear and Invitations

Edward couldn't believe that he actually felt better after he had spoken to Bella that way in the Kitchen. He'd never thought that would speak to her so harshly and so plainly. But he knew it was time. What was the point of living with her and always being in a state of fear? Afraid that she'd never enjoy sex with him; afraid that she would leave him for Jacob, afraid that she would never love him. He'd waited so long for a woman to love him. Esme certainly didn't love him at least not enough to stay.

Edward knew that her leaving had affected him profoundly. It's just strange how the same event affects different people differently. After she left Carlisle became more and more withdrawn. He was at the farm less and less but when he was there it seemed to Edward that he was particularly demanding of Edward. It was as though when she left Carlisle forgot how to be kind, at least to Edward, Edward felt more like his employee that his son. Jacob was younger, he had been only eight when she left and was less involved in the day to day business at the farm. So he was spared Carlisle's ire more that Edward had been.

Edward and Jacob were often left in the care of several 'aunts' from the community while he was away. Edward always felt that Jake actually enjoyed all the attention he got from the constant stream of ladies that flowed through their house. Jake thought they were wonderful but Edward could see through them he knew they came purely out of pity. Pity for Carlisle, Edward and Jacob who were left without a mother, without someone to cook, clean and care for them.

It's not that he hadn't been grateful for all their help it's just that it made him feel all the more embarrassed. They were a constant reminder that Esme wasn't there; that they hadn't been enough to keep her. And at the time, they didn't need any more reminders of that. They had one every Sunday in church when they had to sit in the church and see her looking at the new pastor. Looking at the man she'd left them for. It was a blessing in disguise when the pastor was reassigned to another parish and they didn't have to bear looking at them anymore. See her was painful enough but the fact that Carlisle had forbidden them to speak to her was even more painful.

Edward always wished that he had been able to accept her leaving as bravely as Jacob had. It seemed that he was able to form relationships with girls with ease. And he had formed _many_. A string of them by the time he left high school. Edward always wondered how he was able to let them go. To watch each one walk out of his life and not remember _her_. Edward certainly wasn't able to do it and so he'd kept his relationships down to minimum. It wasn't like the girls at school weren't interested in him or like he wasn't interested in them but he'd could never see the point in having romantic relationships when they would only end in heartache.

That was until he'd seen Bella at the Farmers' market. Just like the words in that Alanis Morissette song 'life has a funny way of sneaking up on you'. He'd avoided relationships to avoid the hurt and now when he'd finally committed to one he was getting hurt anyway. Maybe he should have been more like Jacob at least he would have had enough experience to know how to please a woman in bed. Women left when they weren't satisfied. He'd heard the arguments. They found someone who could satisfy them and they left; they left their husband and their children for good sex. And Edward had never been able to give Bella good sex … unlike Jacob.

After that night, the night of Jacob and Leah's wedding, he'd felt a little better about things. At least he knew now that he was physically capable of giving her an orgasm. It firmed his resolve that it was just the mental stuff she had to get past. He was surer than ever that giving her time; time to love him was the right thing to do. What had Carlisle said, be kind and patient and love would grow. It really seemed that since they'd stopped having sex their relationship had got a little better. She spoke to him more now and she'd actually apologized for hurting him on the night of the wedding and that was a remarkable improvement. They hadn't spoken about it again and they definitely hadn't had a repeat of that night's events. While they'd started back sleeping in the same bedroom, there was definitely no sex going on in this Cullen household. He was sure that wasn't the case in his brother's house. He and Leah were probably screwing like rabbits.

This morning, a month later, was like any other since the wedding. He'd awoken with a raging hard on and had come downstairs to take care of it before Bella could wake up. He didn't know though why his mind had wondered to Esme; it certainly had been a boner deflator. When he realized he wasn't going to be able to get off, he decided to surprise Bella and make breakfast for her. While he wasn't a gourmet chef, he was certain he could at least make her decent eggs and toast. He tried to remember how she liked her coffee but couldn't, so he decided just to brew the coffee and lay out the sugar and milk so that she could make it how she liked it. He thought it would make a decent start to their seven month anniversary. He knew it wasn't as though people usually celebrate their seven month anniversary but he felt like celebrating every day he had Bella in his life. Today would just provide an excuse to take her to dinner.

He had already made reservations at her favourite restaurant, Il Colloseo. He knew she loved the seafood salad there and he thought that it would be nice for them to share a relaxing evening together. Just as he was in the middle of that thought he heard her footsteps on the stairs. He covered her tray and waited to surprise her.

"Good morning Bella." He beamed. "How are you doing today?"

"I'm alright." She looked puzzled though. "Edward did you make breakfast?"

"Yep!" He was pleased that he was able to surprise her. He'd thought for sure that the smell of the coffee would have given him away but apparently it didn't. "Eggs and Toast."

"Um! Smells great! I didn't know that you could cook. What's the special occasion anyway?"

"Well today is our seven month anniversary…" He couldn't look at her directly lest he see in her eyes that the same event he felt like celebrating was one that she regretted. When he finally looked up he could see that he had been worried for nothing since she was already concentrating on putting away her breakfast. She ate voraciously. He was pleased that she liked his cooking, he'd never cooked for her before. "… and I wanted to go out to eat tonight. Il Colloseo" she looked up when he said the name and actually smiled. He'd known she'd be pleasantly surprised.

"Really Edward? Did you know that that's my favourite restaurant? You've made reservations I hope?"

"Yeah I know and I did." He said quietly answering both her questions at once. He was pleased with the effect his announcement had had on her. She was gushing.

"I can't wait! I'll have to get Leah to do my hair and Alice and Rosalie can come over too …"

"Wait. Did you just say Leah could do your hair?" it was his turn to be surprised.

"Yeah Leah is great with hair."

"Leah? … Leah Jacob's wife?" He was really puzzled. There had to be some other Leah in the county.

"Yeah Leah Jacob's wife. She's actually not a bad person when you get to know her. She's been calling. We've been talking on the phone. At first it was really irritating she was just gushing about how great it was to be married to Jake and about all the wonderful presents they got and about how grateful she was for our support blah blah blah. But after a while I could see she was really sweet … she really does love Jake … It's good that they are together … people should marry people they really love. It's good for them that they got to marry people they…" She trailed off. Obviously she realized she was hitting close to home.

"Yeah Bella, people should marry people they love. I did. I'm just sorry it wasn't the same for you…. But sometimes love can grow Bella. So even if you don't start out loving someone once you have an open mind and heart … love can grow." He thought about giving her an example of another arranged marriage that worked out well but then his parents' marriage crossed his mind and he didn't have the mental strength to search for another example.

"Yeah I guess so" she said but she didn't sound like she really believed it. He wondered if she didn't believe it generally or if her doubts were limited to their own marriage.

After that they ate in silence. Edward hoped the conversation tonight would be a lot more pleasant.

AN: Alright folks the author finally speaks! I've been pretty silent till now [except with the folks who right reviews. I do answer each one personally =)] And since you've been reading and adding the story to your favourites listing _but not reviewing_ I think its time we showed some love for the author. So in typical school marm fashion [not that I'm a teacher (I used to be but not any more)] I'm giving you guy some home work. I've reached a juncture where I think I've done enough work to establish Edward's character. I want to see if I've conveyed what I wanted to convey. So can I please have some (More than twenty) character summaries of my Edward! (please pretty please). I'll even make it easy for you. You can write short sentences on some or all of the following facets of his character:

relationship with Carlisle

reaction to/effect of Esme's abandonment particularly on relationships with women and there's not only Bella (hint hint)

relationship with Jacob

growth as a person thus far [please tell me you've seen _some_ growth =)]

Please try to remember him in earlier chapters not just this one.

It's a pity I can't threaten you with delayed posting of the next chapter since its almost finished and will most likely be posted later today but there's always delayed posting of chapter eighteen [evil laughter]


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen: Il Colloseo

The rest of the day just seemed to fly past and before long they were ready to go for dinner.

"Bella you look amazing." He was sure that his voice conveyed the degree to which the statement was true. He had been working for most of the day so he'd missed the girl's beauty session but he certainly did appreciate the results. Bella looked stunning. She wore her hair up in a French roll but soft ringlets framed her face. She wore a one shoulder little black dress with crystal beading on the strap. The dress was obviously made in two layers. The underlying material was a solid black and stopped about an inch shorted that the outer material which flowed to just about two inches above her knees. A quintessential little black dress … and she was wearing it for a date with him. WOW! He had to remember to thank Alice, Rosalie and Leah when next he saw them.

"You don't look so bad your self Edward." She smiled shyly. Wait was she actually blushing? Yes she was. This must be the girls work. He could definitely see that she was remembering something that had been said earlier today. Why else would she blush about paying him a simple compliment? Now he definitely wished he could have been a fly on the wall during the girls' visit.

They got to Il Colloseo and were quickly seated at a private table on the second floor of the restaurant. The view from here was amazing. He thought it was possible to see all the way to Sangre Grande on a clear night. They quickly scanned the menu and he ordered the Zuppa Di Vongole with Veal Pajarda, while Bella ordered the Seafood Salad. He chuckled to himself knowing that she would have ordered it. The meal was tasty as usual and Bella certainly enjoyed her salad. It was gone in no time. He'd always loved that about her. She had a healthy appetite but always managed to stay slim.

For desert they shared a large order of Home Made Ice Cream. Bella insisted she didn't want any so he secretly told the waiter to double the size of his order so that they could share. He was glad he did since she ate more than he did. At one point while they were both dipping into the bowl she took up her fork skewered the cherry and offered it to him wiping up the ice cream that dripped down his chin with her thumb and placing it back into his mouth. Her thumb felt so soft against his lips. Well well, Bella was touching him voluntarily not that he was complaining. He sucked the ice cream off her finger but she quickly withdrew it from his mouth.

After dinner they sat talking about this and that and nothing in particular until it was time to go home. Edward felt that the evening was generally a success and he was glad that he'd decided to celebrate the 'anniversary'. As they drove home he noticed that Bella was starting to nod off so he didn't try to make conversation. He knew that she would be tired; she had had a long day. He only woke her up when they got home. She expressed surprise that she'd fallen asleep. He let her go upstairs to bed while he checked the house. As usual the house was well secured and everything looked quiet outside. He climbed the stairs and made his way to their bedroom.

When he climbed into bed after showering he noticed that Bella immediately moved closer to where was lying down. Her back was turned to him so it was her butt that made first contact with him. Edward stiffened wondering if she was already asleep and had unconsciously drifted closer to him.

"Bella?"

"Yes?" her answer came back sounding like a question of its own.

"I was just checking to see if you were asleep."

"Nope, I'm not asleep" she replied as she wiggled her butt even closer to him. Edward turned so that he was spooning her. He knew that she would be able to feel his erection but something told him that she might not mind. Bella reached behind her and took a hold of his hand guiding it so that it touched her breast.

"Uummm. Bella." She held his hand in hers and guided it so that he cupping the entire breast and massaging it. It was as though she were teaching him how she wanted to be touched. She would never find a more grateful or obedient student. When she removed her hand he continued making the same slow circular motions and Bella groaned in appreciation.

As he rubbed her breasts he pressed himself closer to her backside. His dick was just dying to be touched and while he wanted Bella to be the one to touch it he didn't want to force her to do it. He wanted this time to be about pleasing Bella about finally getting a chance to learn what she liked. After a few minutes she reached up and held his hand. He wondered if he was doing it wrong but then he remembered that she hadn't been complaining au contraire she had been grinding her backside into his crotch and moaning intermittently.

Bella moved his hand away from her breast and for a moment he thought she'd had enough until he realized that she was slowly moving his hand in a southerly direction. Edward closed his eyes and let out a small groan as he realized that she had put his hand between her legs. Again she kept hold of his hand as she lifted the waist band of her underwear before guiding his hand onto her bare pussy. Edward inhaled sharply as he realized that she was completely shaven down there. She felt smooth to his touch. She guided his hand to her clit and began making slow circular movements with his fingers,

"Oh, Edward." Her groan was throaty. He could tell she was enjoying it she soon let go of his hand and moved her now free hand back to her own breast and she took up where he had left off massaging it. He tried his best to maintain the same tempo and pressure while he rubbed her clit but she just kept wiggling against him. She was making it hard to concentrate on what he was doing with his hands.

"Not so hard Edward …softer" she said. Like a good teacher she gently corrected him; held his hand and helped him regain the correct methodology. He would not forget how she liked it. It was patently clear that when he did it correctly she really enjoyed what he was doing. Edward knew that he had to concentrate on giving her pleasure and forget his own lust for her for the while. But that was easier said than done; his dick was throbbing so hard he felt sure he would finish before she did.

"Ummm …. Ummm … ummm" it seemed that it was all she was capable of saying at the moment and Edward was thrilled at the thought that it was he who had reduced her to wordlessness. He continued rubbing her clit and started placing small kisses along her shoulder.

She continued to wiggle against him as her arousal grew. "Oh Edward. Finger me, finger me." He had never been called an unwilling pupil. He did as he was asked and inserted first one then another finger into her. She was so tight and wet it he wished he could withdraw his fingers and replace it with his dick. She was driving him mad with desire. Bella bucked up and down on his fingers; she moved as though she were having sex and all he could think about was her doing that, riding him like that. The fact that she was sober was a definite bonus. He knew she would have no excuse in the morning. She'd have to face the fact that she wanted it and maybe that she wanted him; even if it was just a little.

Suddenly Bella let go of her breast and reached her hand downward and backward. Edward thought he might just get that hand job that he was so desperately craving at the moment, but instead she just put her hand on his thigh and clutched it. A minute later she threw her head back and groaned,

"Oh Edward … I'm coming ..I'm coming Uhhhh!"

When he realized she was done, Edward immediately removed his hand from her clit. He had read that a woman's clit was extremely sensitive after she'd had an orgasm and he didn't want to over stimulate her. He held on to her pelvic bone instead and pressed his now desperate erection into her behind.

"Bella … give me your hand."

No answer.

"Bella? … Bella?"

It seemed that she had already fallen asleep. He didn't mind. He'd taken care of himself before, one more time wouldn't make a difference. He cocksure wasn't going to be doing it regularly anymore! She had no excuse this time no alcohol she could hide behind. She'd initiated sexual contact with him and she'd enjoyed it. He couldn't wait to see if she'd try to deny it tomorrow. He would have to put his foot down he wasn't going to let her get away that easily.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen: The Morning After

Bella woke next morning to find that Edward was still asleep beside. That rarely ever happened since he was generally an early riser. She glanced at the clock on the bedroom wall and noted that it was already six thirty so it wasn't that she had got up early. He was sleeping late. Somehow she didn't feel like getting up right away. She still felt tired even though she she'd slept all night. That must be what happens when you let your husband masturbate you until you orgasm. She dreaded talking to him about that. She could just imagine the conclusions he would reach after what had happened between them last night.

As she lay beside him she recalled the conversations she'd had with the girls as they got her ready for the dinner with Edward. Those conversations were the beginning of all the trouble.

"_Bella you're not giving Edward enough! Rosalie chuckled_

"_Enough what Rosalie?" Bella questioned as she stiffly glanced at Rosalie who was going through Bella's closet looking for something for her to wear tonight to the restaurant. The range of motion of her head was severely limited given Leah's ministrations up there. Bella could not remember the last time she'd had rollers in her hair._

"_My goodness, that just confirms it. You have to ask? You're not giving him enough sex Bella." came Rosalie's reply._

_The blush rose hot to her cheeks. She wondered if it were that obvious to everyone that she and Edward weren't having sex. "That's not true Rosalie." She lied, trying to hide her embarrassment. "He … he gets enough."_

"_No he doesn't" Rosalie stated matter-of-factly. Obviously she did not harbour any doubt about her conclusion. "Any man who dreams up something like a seven month anniversary, and who takes his wife to her favourite restaurant for that dreamt up anniversary is begging for sex!"_

"_That's not true. We have sex often enough." Bella replied. She hoped that they would not be able to see through her bald faced lie._

"_Let's ask him, why don't we? He's right in the garden isn't he?" Alice chimed in and pretended to look for him even though they were upstairs in the bedroom and he was too far away to be seen. "Edward…Edward … Is Bella giving you enough sex?" She pretended to ask through the window_

"_No man ever gets enough Bella. And Edward definitely wants more than he's currently getting. Why don't you give the man a break … literally" They all cracked up at that one. All but Bella. This conversation was too weird and it was made all the more so by the fact that Leah was here… and she was silent. She hadn't said a word as Rosalie and Alice teased._

"_And the hard part about it, all pun intended…" Alice smirked "…is that he is so damned hot. Girl if he were my husband I would be on him like white on rice" more peals of their laughter. "At the very least I'd be sucking his dick every five minutes!"_

_Bella's eyes opened wide at the sound of the one thing she'd promised herself she would never do with Edward. The one thing she'd promised him he'd never get from her._

"_Oh my goodness…""Alice muttered realization dawning on her face "… you've never given him head, Bella. Oh no poor Edward"_

"_Could we not talk about this? I thought we were here to help me get ready for my date, not to examine my sex life!"_

"_Poor Edward. Bella you've got to change that. Tonight! You have to suck him off! Have you never given head?" Alice exclaimed._

"_I said I'm not talking about this!" Bella could just imagine Leah going back home and talking to Jacob about the fact that she'd never given Edward a blow job. She'd be too embarrassed to look him in the face. But then again it wouldn't be news to Jacob that her marriage to Edward sucked. She'd been the one to lay all her cards on the table and to beg him to leave Leah for her. It was so humiliating to think about it. She hated him now; hated the fact that he'd rejected her when her need for him had been so patent. _

_The memories she'd had of Jacob while she sat at his wedding; of his failure to be there for her in anything other than a sexual way; of all the times he'd tried to palm her off on Edward had been eye opening. It was only at the wedding, after she'd spoken to him and realized that he'd known from the beginning that she was meant to marry Edward, that it all fell into place. _

_His revelation had put the past into context. She had concluded that Jacob had used her for sex. She knew that he'd loved her. She didn't doubt that for a second but, she also knew it must have been a side effect that he was not prepared for. She was sure that he had intended only to have 'fun' with her until his brother was ready to claim her but he'd never intended to get invested in their relationship. She wished she'd had the same information so that she could have protected her heart or better yet she could have taken Edward's early warning and steered clear of Jake altogether. But hind sight is twenty-twenty. She still felt that she didn't understand two things; why Jacob would intentionally hurt his brother that way and why Edward would sit by and allow it to happen for three years before he did something about it._

"_Bella you have to suck him off tonight. The man is probably dying for a blow job. And while you're at it, here are a few other things you can do…."_

She remembered in vivid detail all the things that Alice had suggested she do to him. It was the memory of Alice's words that had made her blush when he complimented her dress last night. It really had been strange. All of a sudden she had pictured herself doing all the kinky things Alice suggested she do to him. What surprised her more than the mental pictures was the fact that she did not feel in the least bit repulsed by the thought of doing those things with him. She'd felt the blush rising in her cheeks and she couldn't look him straight in the face. She'd had to avert her eyes.

The thing is the teasing from the girls did not end there. It extended to what she would be wearing. After they'd had their fill of describing what her sexual encounter with Edward should be tonight, Alice continued;

"_On a more serious note what did you plan on wearing tonight Bella." she questioned_

"_Well I have a pale blue baby doll top and a brown pair of trousers that .."_

"_Trousers" Alice interrupted horrified. "Bella weren't you listening to a word we were saying before? This dinner date is a plea for sex. You will not be wearing any trousers" Alice said the word trousers as though it were an obscenity. "You will wear a short dress that hangs loosely from your body so that the man can have some access to feel you up if he wants to." More peals of their laughter. She was 'glad' they were having fun at her expense. _

She'd worn the dress just as they suggested but she certainly did not feel ready to let him 'feel her up'. Sure she was horny, who wouldn't be after talking to potty mouth Alice and Rosalie, and she wanted to fool around with him but it had to be on her own terms. He had had too much power in her life as it was and if he was to get back into her pants it had to be on her terms. It did not escape her that he was the person who had given her the power back. He was the one who had suggested that there be no sex until she asked for it. At the time she'd balked at the idea of her ever asking _him_ for sex but now she could actually see herself … asking … eventually … just not now.

Bella pushed the thoughts about last night out of her mind knowing she'd have to think and talk about last night when Edward got up. As she began to stir this morning, she was struck by the thought that she'd have to discuss last night with him. She knew he would not let it pass. This time she could not blame it on the alcohol and it would be immature to blame it on her friends. She'd have to face the fact that again she was horny and he was … available. She knew though that one short month ago, his availability would not have made a difference. She would have preferred to do it for herself or to take a cold shower rather than to have his hands on her. But somehow things were changing; just how, she couldn't say. She wasn't ready to deal with it now in any event. She needed to get out of bed and away from him since he was the source of her confusion.

As she sat upright, got out of bed and made her way to the bathroom; her stomach churned. She taught it weird but didn't worry too much since she figured it was probably just gas. She hadn't eaten on time yesterday so that was expected. By the time she made it to the bathroom the slight churning had turned into a definite rumble. Whatever it was, was more insistent than gas. She barely made it to the toilet in time to hurl chunks of shrimp and romaine lettuce in the toilet bowl. Bella held on to the toilet as though for dear life. Her head was spinning.

"Are you okay Bella?" came Edward's groggy voice a minute later. Her hurling must have awakened him.

"No Edward … I'm not fine …Can't you see I'm puking my guts out!"

"Let me get you a cold towel for your forehead."

"What the hell is a cold towel on my head going to do? It's my stomach that's waging war."

"I'm only trying to help Bella. What do you want me to do? What do you need? I'm too tired to fight with you." He asked obviously still groggy.

"Can you … can you just rub my back?" she asked quietly. She felt awful for shouting at him when he was just trying to help her.

Edward immediately sank to the floor and began rubbing her back just below her shoulder blades. "Here?" he questioned.

"No lower." Her eyes pleaded with him. She was feeling desperately unwell and somehow she felt that he could save her.

As Edward continued rubbing her back she realized that she felt slightly better. And when she was finished puking, he stayed with her while she tidied up taking a hot shower and brushing her teeth.

"Do you want to lie down Bella?"

"Nah. I'll feel better if I'm up and active." She replied. "Lying down would just make it worse. It's just the salad from last night. It must have been off. It came up in chunks. Yuk! … and by the way … thanks."

"You're welcome Bella. I'll make breakfast."

"I'm not that hungry. I'll grab something later."

"Ok … and Bella, I don't think I'll be working today … I want to stay home and make sure you're okay and we have a lot to talk about."

"Okay."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen: Bella and Edward Talk

Edward as usual was true to his word. He stayed home and took care of her. When by lunch time there had been no more puking he settled in to talk to her,

"Bella?"

"Yes, Edward." She knew what was coming; by now she could read him like a book. He was going to talk about last night.

"Last night was the second time Bella. It was the second time, since we've stopped having sex, that you let me touch you. The first time was after Jacob's wedding and you told me later that you were drunk and horny." He paused as though thinking of how to continue. Apparently he figured the direct approach was best because when he resumed he said, "Last night I figured you were just plain horny. Last night was not about _us _at all. You were aroused and you wanted to get off, you certainly didn't care about the effect it had on me. What I want to know is; what was the reason this time Bella? You weren't drunk; you didn't drink anything last night. So why did you feel the need to use me and leave me hanging like that?" even though the words he spoke were harsh, his voice remained quiet and calm as usual.

Bella didn't know how to begin to reply to him. "Wow Edward, that was pretty direct."

"Well I figure direct is best in a situation like this Bella. It seems that you are determined to show me that you'll never willingly have sex with me; you might use me for your own ends when you're hot and bothered, but you're not willing to make love to me. How long did you think I could take this for Bella?"

"I'm not ready yet" was all she could muster. He was asking for a commitment from her one that she wasn't ready to give him yet.

It seemed he thought about her answer before he said "So you'll be ready sometime?"

"Yes … I guess." She tried to remain non-committal.

"When … when will you be ready?"

"Why are you pressing me Edward? I thought this was supposed to be my choice; the if _and_ the when."

"It's still your choice Bella. I'm not taking that away from you. I just need to know what that choice will be in advance. There's really no point in my hanging around if you know that you have no intention of ever having a meaningful sexual relationship with me." He ran his thumb across his palm as he spoke.

"I don't know Edward. I don't know when." She was getting miffed now. How dare he pressure her into making a decision right now? He'd just have to wait.

"That's not good enough. I need to know; a week, a month, a couple of months, a year? I need to know this time. The last time I waited three years for you; I can't do it again. I'm not prepared to do it again Bella." He remained annoyingly calm as he spoke.

"I can't give you a date Edward. I just can't, please don't pressure me."

"Don't pressure you? What about the pressure you put on me on a daily basis; on a nightly basis? This relationship can't only be about your needs Bella. I have needs too …"

She cut him off, "What needs are those Edward? The need for blow job? Is that why you took me out to that dinner for that ridiculous 'seven month anniversary'? So I'd come back here and suck you off?" she made air quotes as she named the anniversary.

"Is that all you think I want from you? If it were Bella I wouldn't still be here since you've made it patently clear that you're not prepared to accommodate me in that area. I want more Bella, so much more. I want everything you gave to him and everything you didn't. I want all of you. This thing that passes for a marriage, this existence, it just doesn't seem to make sense to me anymore. If we're not on a path to something else, something more then it doesn't make sense."

"It doesn't make sense to you? What path are you talking about Edward? Why doesn't it make sense?" She eyed him suspiciously

"This marriage Bella; this relationship it's on a path going nowhere. It just doesn't make sense. I'm never going to get what I want from you; you're too caught in what you had with Jacob to see what's in front of you. I'm a good person Bella. Sure I've made some mistakes but then who hasn't? I'm big enough to admit my mistakes and apologize for them. You, you can never see past those mistakes; you can't see _me_ Bella and I'm tired trying to get you to look."

"Wow Edward seven whole months of trying!

"You know I've been trying for longer than that Bella. I tried for _three years_ and seven months. Before we got married, I begged you to talk to me to give me a chance but you wouldn't even speak to me. Do you know how humiliating it was for me that you would only speak to me when Carlisle was around? Jacob must have had a good laugh at my expense."

"Why does everything have to come back to Jacob with you? This is not about Jacob It's about us."

"It comes back to Jacob because you choose him over me. I loved you, he didn't; but you chose him and you're still choosing him. Right now you're just mad at him because he stuck to his guns and married Leah. You'd fuck him in a New York minute if he asked you; me on the other hand you don't fuck unless you're drunk or plain horny."

"You're obsessed with sex Edward. Relationships are not all about sex. There are other important facets of a relationship. You however can't seem to think about anything but sex."

"I'm not obsessed with it; I just appreciate the role it plays in keeping a relationship and a marriage together. I gave up sex for goodness sake. What married man gives up sex? I thought you'd take that time to get to know me; I thought we'd become friends and eventually we'd build on that friendship and become lovers again but that obviously _ain't_ happening! I can't even figure out why I listened to Carlisle in the first place; he couldn't even keep _his_ wife I don't know why I figured that he'd be able to help me keep mine."

"So what are you saying? If I can't tell you the date I'm going to start having sex with you again, you want out of this marriage? Is that it?" Bella was seeking clarity. This discussion was spiraling into an argument and she needed to be sure of just what it was he was saying.

"Tell me why I should stay in this relationship Bella? I'm not happy. You're not happy. What's the point?"

"We're married Edward! You would expose your wife … expose us to public derision. Divorced after less than a year of marriage?"

"That's what bothers you most about losing this marriage Bella? Public derision? It's worse than I thought." He was silent for a while before he continued, "I'm not talking about a divorce, just a break; a separation. Perhaps you could go back home and spend some time with your mother?"

"I'm not going back home in shame Edward. Everyone knows what "time home with your mother" means when you're married."

"So what would you suggest; that we continue as we are? I don't think so. Maybe I could go stay with Carlisle for a couple of months."

"That's worse than sending me home to my mother. Everyone will know something's wrong."

"Well why don't you make a suggestion Bella? All of mine seem not to meet with your favour; why don't you come up with something?

"We could stay in this house and lead separate lives … I could spend time with Alice or with Rosalie from time to time." She suggested.

"What about your new friend Leah? Won't you spend time at her house too? Try to get Jake away from her?"

"Don't be mean Edward! You know as well as I do that it's over between Jake and I, it was over a long time before I even recognized it. I wouldn't be comfortable there with them. Well anyway do you agree or not?" she was getting pissed at him again; sitting here calmly discussing the end of their marriage.

"We've tried that before Bella? Living together but apart; it doesn't work for me. It's easy for you because you don't care about me but … it's not easy for me. You could go to Community College in Rio Claro. They have sleep-in dorms there and they take married women. A lot of women have gone there Rose went and I think Alice went too."

"But did they go when they were married? Why are you sending me away Edward? I thought you loved me, or were you just pretending? Was this just lust all along? You thought you'd have a rollicking time with me after Jake had "loosened me up" and when you didn't you're just going to ship me off to College? You probably have some hussy lined up to take my place in your bed. That's why you're so eager for me to go to College all of a sudden!"

He looked her up and down for a long time before answering. She knew what he would say before he spoke, "I can't believe you just said that to me … to me."

Bella regretted having been so outspoken; so hurtful. He was angry. She'd only seen him this angry once before and she dreaded a repeat performance.

Edward continued, "I listened to you fuck him for three years Bella and still I waited for you to come to me; even when you would not speak to me I waited. I could have told Carlisle from the beginning; if I was just after sex I could have got it a whole lot sooner. I wanted you to want me; to love me the way you loved Jake. Yeah I was too shy or too stupid to go about it in the right way; I've never been as assertive with women as Jake is, but for you to say those things to me Bella; that I was waiting for Jake to loosen you up. Do you know how it killed me every time you went to his room; every time you screamed his fucking name when you should have been with me and screaming mine?" He was shouting and Edward never shouted. He paused and it seemed he calmed himself before he continued, "Bella I have waited long enough for you, but not another fucking second! You are a cold and heartless bitch and I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this. I'm leaving. I expect you to be packed by the time I come back."

Bella watched as he walked out the door. She'd meant to hurt him just not this badly, badly enough that he'd realize she should stay with him. Instead, he was sending her away. Sending her away now; when she'd just begun to feel something for him. She'd done this all wrong. She should have told him how she felt instead of trying to cause him pain. Now it was too late to take back the hurtful things she'd said. She headed upstairs, feeling alone and despondent. She began packing in silence.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty: This Woman's Words

He had to get out of there. He had lost his temper and he had promised himself never to lose his temper around her again. But she had been so hurtful and he was tired of her hurtfulness. Too many times he had allowed her to take control of everything that happened in their relationship hoping that if he gave her free reign she would see that he loved her and would love him in return. Now, belatedly, he realized that that strategy was a complete failure. Instead of loving him she had just used his decisions to capitulate to walk all over him.

And surely each and every time it had been a conscious decision on his part. When he thought of how she must see him he felt sick to his stomach. She must have looked on him as a dog begging for scraps at her table, for surely that is what he was. But no more! He had decided he could only take so much. He made up his mind to confront her; to get it all out in the open and to resolve everything. Instead he had been pathetic at it and had asked her to leave. He needed to get away from her. Clear his head. He knew it was unreasonable to have demanded she give him an exact date when they would start to have sex but why should he be forced to wait any longer for her without knowing when the wait would end? She was his wife and he should be able to get sex every day if he wanted it.

It is difficult to believe that just a few short months ago he thought her ice shield was thawing. Bella had never been very friendly of talkative with him during their marriage but that had changed after they stopped having sex. She would talk to him more and he'd felt that she was beginning to care for him until he realized it was just a show because she thought she would be leaving him and hooking back up with Jacob. Edward remembered how she had fallen asleep after he had masturbated her without even considering that he would have been aroused as well. Now he knew that she really didn't care for him at all. He was just a means to a physical end.

He had to talk about this to someone. He'd been holding it all inside for too long. Perhaps if he got a woman's opinion on it he'd better understand why things were always going wrong for them. Maybe he could go see Alice or Rosalie. Both of them lived not too far from his and Bella's house. But he didn't think it would be prudent to get advice from friends their own age. For one thing the advice may not be sound and then there would be awkwardness after. It would be better for him to seek advice from someone more mature.

Once he decided that age won out over youth, he knew exactly where to head. Sure he was friendly with a lot of mature ladies but when it came to sharing this kind of information he could only think of one person. Of all the women who had come into and out of the Cullen household after Esme left, she had been most like a replacement mother to him.

He walked for another ten minutes before he spotted her house. It was well tucked away in a quiet cul-de-sac in the area. Mrs. Fenrick's house had a commanding presence despite its efficient use of space. This was no sprawling mansion but a small and stately home. He knocked on her doorbell and upon hearing her reply "Come in," he let himself in. Edward relished the thought that he still lived in a community small enough that a knock on the door always received a friendly rather than a suspicious response. He entered the foyer which opened up to grand stair case and he turned left to head toward her kitchen where he knew he would find her.

"Come in Edward. Have a seat. Would you like tea or coffee?" She offered with her customary warmth.

"Coffee please." He replied taking a seat at the breakfast bar.

Mrs. Fenrick immediately busied herself making a pot of coffee. She used a pot to brew the coffee grounds and he remembered that he'd often heard her lament that the "new fangled" coffee machines could not make a proper cup of coffee.

"How would you like it? Any sugar or milk?"

"No I just take it black."

"Wow, that's a strong cup of coffee," She remarked "only a man could drink it that way. We ladies love a little sugar and milk."

"I know. Women tend to like their coffee tempered. At least I know that much it's just a pity that I don't seem to know much more." He muttered the last two sentences under his breath but it seemed she still herd him since she questioned,

"What do you mean you don't seem to know much more?"

"Oh nothing …nothing."

"Well what brings you by today Edward" Don't get me wrong,. I'm not complaining quite the opposite; I do love to have you over. It's just that you rarely stop by. I know you're busy with that little wife of yours," she raised her eyebrows suggestively, "so you don't have much time to visit an old woman like me."

"I have been a bit busy," he confessed. He was busy but just not in the way she obviously thought he was.

"It's ok Eddie; no need to explain. I know you're busy. You're a married man now and married men are always busy. And by the time you have children I'll never see you," she smiled happily. "So how can I help you?"

Edward didn't know where to start; how to begin telling the one person that still called him Eddie that his marriage was a total failure and was on the brink of collapse.

"Well Mrs. F." he said referring to her by her old nickname "things haven't been going so well between Bella and I."

"Not going so well? I'm sorry to hear that. In what regard are they not going well Eddie?"

He lowered his head and continued "Well she doesn't love me … not like she loved Jake. She doesn't enjoy being intimate with me and she barely even talks to me. I've tried everything, I tried talking to her about it and I've been kind patient and attentive but nothing has changed. And this evening I tried to discuss a way forward with her; work out some sort of plan or schedule and I got so upset with her and with how things were going or rather not going, that I exploded. I asked her to pack her things and I walked out. I had to clear my head. I really don't want her to go; but I think I need her to go. I want her so badly but I can't seem to get her to want me back. I really don't know what to do now. I don't want to lose my marriage; I don't want to lose her."

She considered everything he said before asking, "Edward, what do you do with your spare time?"

He lifted his eyes and looked at her in surprise. What did that have to do with anything? His answer reflected his bewilderment,

"I … don't … know." He answered with one eyebrow raised in puzzlement. "I'm pretty much at home most of the time I'm not working. I like to be around just in case Bella needs help with anything. But what does how I spend my spare time have to do with what I just told you?"

"Everything Eddie. It seems to me like you may be smothering her."

"Smothering her? How so?"

"Eddie you have to give a woman room and time to get to know you. Especially in a marriage like yours; an arranged marriage. And more so in your situation where your bride was already smitten with someone else. You can't be in her face all the time. You know the heart of the matter is that you want her to take time to get to know you. But you have to know who you are before she can get to know you. Who are you Edward? Besides some guy who's head over heals for Bella? Who is the real Edward? That's who she has to get to know before she can love you. If you spend all your time fawning over her you're not giving her a chance to see the real you; who by the way is a pretty awesome guy."

Edward was glad he'd come to Mrs. F. now. He'd never have got such great advice from Rose or Alice, "Ok, I didn't think it about it that way. I take your point."

" And Eddie?"

"Yes Mrs. F."

"I know I don't know her that well but Bella's not Esme. Stop looking for Esme in every woman. The mistakes she made were her own to make. It doesn't mean that every woman will up and leave because she finds a better lover. Not every woman is on the hunt to find a better sexual relationship some women stick it out until it gets better. So stop tip toeing around her like your afraid she's going to leave you. And what if she did? Would that be the end of the world? I don't think so. You'll dust yourself off and move on. You find someone who loves you for you and you move on."

She'd hit the nail on the head. He wondered how long she had been observing them. Her comments were spot on and certainly more insightful than he'd even expected. But that was because she'd known him for so long.

"How many girlfriends did you have before Bella Edward?"

"Well … not a lot really … probably one or two maybe."

"Edward I'm not asking you to count how many girls you've held hands with. How many women did you have sex with before Bella? That's the kind of relationship I'm talking about; one serious enough to result in sex."

"That's really personal Mrs. F."

"I'm guessing that means none. Eddie that doesn't mean that you're not going to be a great lover. So you say she doesn't enjoy having sex with you. You and Bella just have to find your own special rhythm. Practice with other people doesn't necessarily teach you that. Your rhythm with her will be uniquely your own.

He heard it but didn't necessarily believe it. She certainly seemed to enjoy the more experienced Jake than inexperienced Edward. "If you say so."

"I say so you'll see. Once you guys sort out the emotional stuff that's going on and _then_ you make love, you'll see everything will fall in place."

"I hear you but I'm not the only one to blame."

"I never said you were. With your permission I'll have a talk with Bella."

"You can try, but I don't know if it'll do any good. Once she's made up her mind it's damned near impossible to reason with her."

"Perhaps we could go to your house it will be faster. We can take my car. I'll call Bella and let her know to expect us. We old ladies have a way of being particularly convincing." Mrs. Fenrick went to her telephone which stood in the corner of the room on a table alongside a chair. She sat down and dialed what he could only assume was his number. She waited a while and then said,

"Hello Bella. It's Mrs. Fenrick." She waited while Bella greeted her. "Edward is here with me. We want to stop by and have a chat. I'll bring him back home." She paused again while Bella spoke. "Ok I'll see you in a bit."

Then to Edward she said, "Ok Eddie let's go."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One: Mrs. Fenrick Pays a Visit

Bella greeted them by the door. She smiled. "Good afternoon Mrs. Fenrick … Edward."

"Good afternoon Bella." They chorused in unison as she led them past the foyer and into the living room. She saw that Edward noticed her packed bags which sat on the living room sofa.

"Can I offer you tea or coffee Mrs. Fenrick?" she continued pleasantly.

"I'm fine, Edward and I just had coffee at my place." Bella noticed that Mrs. Fenrick deliberately included Edward's coffee in her answer in contradistinction to Bella who had deliberately left him out. Bella was still pissed at him. Sure she may have gone overboard but he had never spoken to her in that way before. She'd never suspected he would put her out.

She also noticed that he was not avoiding eye contact with her now. He usually would not look directly at her when there was any kind of unpleasantness between them but now he was looking at her full on. She wondered what had changed and what was responsible for this new assertiveness on his part. She felt that he surely had found her replacement already and that that must be responsible for his new bravado.

"Have a seat." She felt weird acting as a hostess in his house now. It was as though she'd lost the right to greet his guests. But since they had met her there, she felt it only proper that she greet them and make them comfortable. She saw that Mrs. Fenrick was taking a seat on the love seat which stood in the corner and that that would only leave room for her and Edward on the single seat, the sofa being filled with her bags. She also noticed Edward's reluctance to join her there. Instead he said,

"I'll go make us some sandwiches." Bella guessed that this had been planned. Edward must have discussed what happened between them with Mrs. Fenrick and now the old biddy came over to have her say. She braced herself knowing that Edward was a favourite with the old ladies and that any take Mrs. Fenrick would have on the situation would favour his side. Men were always right as far as these ladies were concerned and Edward, well he had to be doubly right, he was after all such a _good boy_!

Just as Edward was out of earshot Mrs. Fenrick began, "Well Bella, what a turn of events we have here. I see you're packed. Are you going somewhere?"

"Yes I am. I'm going to Community College."

"Why?"

Bella eyed her with suspicion. She must know the reason for Bella's departure but yet she was asking Bella to tell her. Mrs. Fenrick was up to something. She was playing games and if she was Bella would play right along. "Well Edward thought I should take some classes there. He always said I should get the opportunity to go to college."

"But the decision to go now must be awfully sudden. It's already two weeks into the semester."

"Yes it was a sudden decision but not an unplanned one. We had been discussing this for a while."

"Well that's strange, because Edward told me that the decision was taken because you had an argument this morning. That doesn't sound planned to me."

"Oh I wasn't aware that you were intimately aware of the goings in Edward's house."

"I'm not, I'm only privy to what he told me this morning."

"So if you already knew that he was sending me away, why did you ask me?"

"I just wanted to hear your side of things. There are always two sides of any discussion Bella; I just wanted to hear yours."

"Well I'm sure Edward already filled you in on that. I'm just his wife who wasn't giving him any sex or any extras so he's found someone to replace me."

"I've done no such thing Bella." Edward said as he returned from the kitchen. "And you know it. Why do you always have to be so spiteful?"

Mrs. Fenrick spoke before Bella had the opportunity to answer, "Edward. Thank you for the sandwiches but I was hoping to have a chat with Bella alone if that's okay with you?" Mrs. Fenrick asked genuinely.

Edward studied Bella before turning to Mrs. Fenrick and nodding his consent.

When he left the room Mrs. Fenrick continued, "Do you really think that it's appropriate for a married woman not to have sex with her husband Bella?"

Bella thought that Mrs. Fenrick had no right prying into their personal life and more particularly into their bedroom but she answered anyway. She knew however that she could ill afford to agitate Mrs. Fenrick if she wanted any chance at a relationship with Edward. She knew the special relationship they shared so she said, "He was the one who came up with that bright idea, 'no sex until I asked for it' well I haven't asked for it yet so … no sex."

"Bella, how long ago was that four of five months? It's not appropriate for you to keep him waiting for so long. I'm sure you're well aware that every man has needs and I hope you know that he won't wait forever."

"I know that but he just can't force me to decide when were going to resume … those activities. He just has to give me time."

"Time to what? To get bored and go back to Jake? You have to remember that this is a peculiar situation. Your husband knows that you were intimate with another man before you were with him. He on the other hand has no sexual experience apart from you. You know this too and how have you used that knowledge? To belittle and ridicule him and make him feel incompetent as a man. That is truly cruel Bella and Edward doesn't deserve it. Don't get me wrong I do know what happened to you the first time the two of you were together, but hasn't he apologized for that already? Hasn't he subjected himself to your coldness and cruelty long enough? How much longer were you planning to make him pay for it? If you were going to subject him to that for your entire marriage then isn't it better that you end it now? Just go away for awhile and then set him free. There are a ton of young ladies in this community that would _kill_ to be in your place. Set him free. He deserves to know what the love of a woman fells like. I'm sure you know what happened with his mother. It took a lot for Edward to throw his hat in the ring and try to have a relationship with a woman. And now that he has you're not being very kind to his heart. You're ruining it for any other woman that might come after you and try to love him. Bella if you don't want him, set him free."

Goodness gracious she was direct, but Bella knew she could not dispute anything she had said so instead she replied, "Since you know all about what ails this marriage Mrs. Fenrick, what would you suggest I do, if I wanted to keep him that is?" Bella knew that she was being cheeky, she couldn't help it. She knew that Mrs. Fenrick was right but she still hated being called out on her nonsense.

If Mrs. Fenrick detected her cheekiness she didn't let on she spoke calmly, "Make love to him Bella. At the very least let him make love to you, relax and let go of the past long enough to enjoy what he is doing, what he is trying to say. Men speak when they make love Bella. They say all the things that they can't put into words. You just have to open your mind and heart and listen."

"If that's true then all he's said to me so far is "I'm horny, I want sex and I don't care if you want it or if you enjoy it.""

"Bella, if that's all he's said then that's entirely your fault."

"How so" How is his failure in bed my fault?" Bella was truly interested to hear this explanation.

"Bella you've been with someone else before and, from what Edward said, you enjoyed it immensely. Why didn't you ever show Edward what you liked? Why didn't you help him to please you? That would have done wonders for both your sex lives not to mention what it would have done for his confidence."

Again Bella found tat she couldn't answer. It wasn't that she didn't know the answer; it was that she was ashamed of it. She had purposefully been cold toward him as a punishment for their first time together and for what she perceived as his role in her loss of Jacob. But he'd apologized profusely for the former and when she thought about it now, she realized that he'd played no part in the latter. He'd actually just helped her free herself from a man who had just been using her.

Bella realized tat she'd been quiet for quite a long time and apparently so did Mrs. Fenrick who upon realizing that no cheeky retort was forthcoming decided to continue, "If you want him back Bella apologize, after you've made love to him of course. Despite what happened today he really does love you Bella. Just give him a chance to really show you that and everything will be fine. You know the one thing I can't figure out in all this is why he'd send you away when you're pregnant."

"What do you mean pregnant? Who told you I was pregnant? Edward?"

"No … he didn't say anything. He didn't have to I can tell by the little vein that's pulsing in your forehead. It's only that pronounced when you're pregnant."

"I'm sorry to be the one to tell you that there's a flaw in your theory there because I'm definitely not pregnant. Edward and I are always very careful. We always use protection."

"And thee wasn't even one time when you didn't?"

Bella thought back. They'd used condoms everytime they'd had sex. Each and every time … except after Jacob's wedding. They didn't use one then; Edward was always very responsible about it but that night she'd been in control and she didn't give him an opportunity to reach for a condom. She covered her mouth with ther hands as the realization dawned on her that she could actually be pregnant.

"You didn't know did you?" came Mrs' Fenrick's voice.

Bella shook her head no; it was all she could manage.

"Does Edward know? He'll be thrilled"

"No … I don't think so."

"I'll call him inside. You two have a lot to talk about." She called him inside and after advising him to hear Bella out and saying her farewells, she left.

"Yes Bella, was there something you wanted to say to me?"

"Yes Edward, have a seat. We have to talk."


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two: Adagio

"Yes Bella, was there something you wanted to say to me?"

"Yes Edward, have a seat. We have to talk."

"What about?"

"About a lot of things Edward; like have you found someone else?"

He looked her straight in the eyes for awhile before answering. "Why do you keep asking that ridiculous question? I married to you and I'm committed to making this marriage work. I can't say the same for you, but I'm committed. There's no one else in this marriage at least not for me."

She ignored his dig about Jacob and instead continued, "You have a funny way of showing me that you're committed to making this marriage work; by sending me away."

"I just think we both need some time to think about what's going on between us. You clearly are not over Jacob and I'm sick of playing second fiddle to him."

"You've got it all wrong Edward! I am over Jacob." She insisted.

"You say you're over him, but you're not." Edward retorted quickly

"I am over him. You're just upset because you think that because I'm over him I'll automatically start loving you. That's not how it works Edward. What's between us, is between us and it has nothing to do with Jake.

"Nicely said but you know you don't mean a word of it. You are not over him. If he came here now and apologized for marrying Leah you'd go to bed with him. Me? You've tolerated me for our entire marriage, you've never made love to me; never really given me a chance to love you or to make love to you. All my words and touches fell on deaf ears and numb skin. How long did you think I'd put up with how you treated me? I have feelings too and I need someone to love me. You've made it patently clear that that someone is not you." He paused before continuing "Maybe it would be better for the both of us if I did find someone else."

Bella did not know how to respond. Here she was listening to her husband suggest that he should find someone else. This couldn't be happening, this shouldn't be happening not now, not when she was pregnant with his child. She felt caught between a rock and a hard place. She didn't want to hold him to her with the baby but she had to be honest with herself. She did not love him. Not yet. There had to be someway of keeping this relationship intact; of keeping this family together while she found out if she could love him. Fate owed her at least that chance.

Then she remembered Mrs. Fenrick's advice that she should apologize to him after she let him make love to her. Bella got up from where she was seated on the single chair and sat next to him on the love seat. She noticed that he eyed her with suspicion and she really could not blame him. This had been an extremely intense day.

As she settled herself on the love seat, she moved closer to where he sat and slipped her hand into his lap and began messaging his thigh. "Don't send me away Edward. Please don't send me away." As she begged him she let her hand move higher and higher up his lap. She noticed that his eyes, at first fixed on hers, dropped and concentrated on the movements of her hand as she massaged her way up to his crotch. Before she could reach her intended destination he took hold of her wrist and stopped her. "Bella, don't make yourself into a whore. You're just trying to use my desire for you to make me change my mind and let you stay here. Don't do this," he looked down at her hand, "unless you really want to."

Bella didn't answer but withdrew her hand from his only to place it higher up on his thigh and continue her ministrations as though she had never been interrupted. As she did Edward raised his gaze and looked her deep in her eyes. It was patently obvious that he did not trust her actions alone to tell him what she was thinking; but that instead, he sought confirmation in her eyes that she really meant what she pretended to convey with her hands. As her hands reached between his legs she gently massaged his privates through his trousers. She used her thumb to apply pressure in a snake like motion down the length of his shaft. Bella wondered why he had even bothered to protest, he was already hard before she even touched him.

His eyes closed slowly as though his eyelids were too heavy for him to support anymore. His breath came in soft pants. She could tell he was still trying to control himself and she knew that if she was to get him to change his mind, she'd have to get him to lose control and in order to do that she'd have to get to the meat of the matter. Literally. She unzipped his pants and slid her hand down inside so that she could stroke the length of his member. She heard him groan and knew that she was getting the result she desired. He'd be putty in her hands in no time. As she worked her hand she noticed that he began moving his hips so that he was thrusting into her hand and she knew she had him. He would certainly let her stay after this.

She was so focused on what she was doing, on giving him pleasure, that she did not notice that he had moved his hand until it was upon hers. "Stop Bella. I will not allow you to manipulate … the situation," he said as he simultaneously stopped her hand from masturbating him, "you have been in control of this relationship for far too long and it has got us nowhere. Its time I take control. If you want us to have any real chance at a future, we need to take things slowly. We need to date each other."

"What? Date each other? Edward I'm offering you sex … right here, right now and you're talking about dating each other?" He was really puzzling her.

"Yes Bella. I know exactly what you're offering. And I don't want it." He looked her right in the eyes and she could tell that he noticed that she felt confused. She was sure it was written plainly on her face. He took her hands in his before he continued, his voice softer now, "Bella all you are offering is sex, sex and nothing more and I want more from you. I've told you before that I want a true relationship with you. I should never have left our marriage, our relationship, so completely up to you in the past. I guess I sought of figured that you'd had a serious relationship before so … once we'd settled down, you'd get over Jake and show me the things you wanted from me. Sort of show me how to have a relationship. But now I've figured out that you apparently know even less about relationships than I do. For this entire marriage you've obviously thought that placating me with sex and keeping your heart locked away from me was the way to go. And based on what you're doing now, you obviously still do. But Bella, even if you haven't changed I have; and its not enough any more. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Bella nodded. She knew he was right. She'd offered him her body time and time again but had never given him the chance to touch her heart. She thought back to what Mrs. Fenrick had said that she had been cruel to him by being cold and making him feel sexually incompetent. As Mrs. Fenrick said, it would be ridiculous to think that he would tolerate it for their entire marriage.

Having ensured that she understood him he continued, "I think we should date. Take time to get to know each other, to talk to each other and see if we could build a friendship. And about sex I'm not suggesting celibacy. People have sex while they're dating Bella." He smirked.

"Yeah I know that Edward … and I do like the idea of taking things slowly."

"Good but not too slowly I hope. Maybe we could have our first date tonight?" he questioned.

"Okay. Where would you like to go?"

"The Squeeze."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three: Getting to Know You

For some reason Edward was excited; excited as though it was truly the first time he was going out with Bella. When he thought about, it really was as though this was a first date. They'd really never spent much time together while they were courting. She'd avoided him like the plague. He remembered Mrs. F's advice that he should give Bella a chance to get to know him; the real him. He knew he had never had the chance to show her before and he was nervous about getting it wrong. It had been so long since he'd been the real him; he knew that he was going to have to dig deep to show her. He planned on having a basic get to know each other conversation; hobbies, favourite books, favourite movies, that kind of thing.

He dressed with extra care; taking time to look himself over in the mirror and changing his shirt three times before settling on a dark maroon, long sleeved crew neck cotton t-shirt. He wore the t-shirt with a boot cut indigo wash jeans and a pair of brown Asher penny loafers. Overall he was pleased with the look. He hoped Bella would be too. It really helped tonight that they had separate bedrooms; he really did not want her to see just how nervous he was.

He crossed the corridor and nervously wrapped on Bella's door. He thought that the fact that they slept in separate bedrooms also fit well with the idea of them dating. Each of them would always be able to retreat to his or her space and he hoped that would help build the anxiety between them; positive anxiety that he hoped would lead to a good relationship and to good sex. He'd had enough of the negative anxiety; had enough of always being anxious around Bella. He hoped this kind of anxiety would help her realize that on some level she wanted him too.

Edward continued knocking at her door until he heard her soft reply softly, "Yes Edward. I'll be out shortly."

"I'll be downstairs in the living room Bella.'

"Okay"

Edward settled himself in the living room and ten minutes Bella came downstairs wearing a layered mesh tunic with white and red dots and cute puffed short sleeves. The top clung to her body and highlighted her curves. She paired the top with a low rise jeans and a small sliver of her flat, flawless stomach was visible. On her feet she wore a pair of red ballet slippers. The overall effect of her outfit was very sexy and he couldn't help but grin when he considered the fact that she'd chosen this outfit to go out with him; she'd chosen it for him. He would definitely take it as a sign of progress on her part and he could tell he'd have a hard time exercising control; but he knew he had to. Tonight couldn't be about sex; it needed to be about building a friendship with Bella.

"You look … beautiful Bella."

"Thank you Edward. You look pretty hot yourself. I like that colour on you."

"Thanks. Um … so are you ready?"

"Yes I guess I am. I'm as ready as I'll ever be to date my husband." She said shyly.

This new Bella was going to take some getting used to. She was never shy around him; stony perhaps but never shy. After an awkward pause, Edward continued, "Wait here. I'll go bring the car around front." As he went for the car he thought about the fact that she really looked stunning and super sexy. But he knew he'd have to keep his eye on the prize. He'd have to stick to his plan and do more talking than dancing tonight. Too much dancing would get him in trouble.

He brought the car to the front and quickly mounted the four steps to their front door; opening it and calling for her to come out.

Once she was seated in the car Bella began, "Have you been to the Squeeze a lot?"

"I've been there a couple times. Why?" he questioned.

"It's just that I thought that you must like it there a lot. I can see why. You probably were hit with the girls there. You are a great dancer after all."

Edward didn't miss the complement. "The Squeeze … gets mixed reviews from me. Most of times I been there I went with Jacob so I hardly ever danced with anyone." He paused remembering the last time he went there with Bella. It was before they were married, before their … first time. He had been so hopeful that something would start between them that night. He'd asked Jacob to back off and Jacob had promised that he would. Jacob was even helpful; suggesting conversation topics when Edward clammed up from nervousness and going to the bar as soon as they got there so that Edward could dance with Bella. Edward was ecstatic when she agreed to dance with him and to her favourite song no less. Things had soon gone south though when after dancing with her for several songs, he'd gone to the bar to get them drinks and had come back to find Bella and Jacob dancing. He remembered being so angry that he could not even think of a sensible way to talk to her for the rest of the evening.

Her voice snapped him out of his walk down memory lane only to take him right back down the same path, "You danced with me the last time you were there. Do you remember?"

"Of course I remember."

"It was so awkward."

Her statement surprised him, "What was awkward about it Bella? You just said I was a good dancer."

"You are a good dancer Edward; but the awkwardness wasn't about that." She looked out her window before continuing, "It was just that you were … you know."

"No I don't know Bella. I was a lot of things … like in love with you. What is it specifically that I should know?"

"Never mind."

"Don't do that Bella. You were going to say something. Just say it. We have to be open this time."

"You were … _excited_." When she realized that he did not get her meaning she paraphrased, "Aroused Edward. You were aroused. It was uncomfortable for me to dance with you … in that state when I'd come to the Squeeze hoping to start a relationship with Jacob. You have to remember that back then he was all I could see. When I got back to the table after you and I danced he actually asked me if I thought you liked me."

"What did you say?"

"I was so pig headed." She smirked "I told him I was certain you didn't like me. Even now it amazes me that he would have been in a position to know otherwise, to know how you felt, and yet again he let me just go on about how I felt about him and proceeded to … start a relationship with me. It really doesn't make sense to me."

"Well that's two of us. I don't understand Jacob's actions any better than you do. But at the time I thought I understood your actions. I really thought you knew how I felt about you that night and I thought that in spite of that knowledge you just chose him anyway." After a long pause he continued "Bella I think at least for tonight we should agree to leave the past in the past and just look forward to the future."

She smiled, "That sounds like a plan."

They soon arrived at the club and from outside Edward could tell that the club was hot tonight. The music was fantastic and he could almost hear the patrons dancing inside. The energy that came off of the club was dynamic. As they walked in, he looked at her hand before taking it in his own and then he looked her in the eyes; he wanted her to know that holding her hand meant something to him. He didn't want to leave room for misinterpretation like he did the last time they were here.

Just as he'd imagined the club was packed. He led her to the only quiet spot he could find; a secluded corner of the club where he knew they could get some privacy. There were long wooden benches arranged in a square and it was the only place in the club where patrons could have some degree of conversation. All the other tables were too close to the DJ. Additionally it was the only place in the club the waiters would actually serve drinks. On his way to the benches, he'd already signaled a waiter that they were going to sit at those tables so he knew that as soon as they settled in the waiter would be there to take their order. He ordered a Stag and Bella asked for a cranberry juice. The service was prompt and in no time they were sipping their drinks. He laboured over what he should say, over how to have a normal conversation with her, before he settled on,

"So Bella we can start with the easy stuff; like, what's your favourite book?"

"That's easy, Pride and Prejudice. Yours?"

"Othello."

"Favourite movie and TV show."

"Phantom of the Opera for favourite movie and for favourite TV show it's a tie between Vampire Diaries and Smallville."

"Obviously you like looking at cute guys Bella." He smiled "I like Con Air, Gladiator and Brave Heart and on television I like Law and Order and the English Premiership League." Then in response to the expression on her face he said, "Yeah I know pretty typical right."

"Yeah I guess so; but then I guess most guys like the same things."

"Well not all guys but a lot of us do like the same things. But back to you, what do you like to do? What do you like to do with your spare time?"

"I don't know. I'm not really accustomed to having free time. I'm usually tired at the end of the day."

"There must be something Bella: painting, reading, taking walks. What did you do with your free time when you were in school?"

"I like reading but I never had an opportunity to do it in any sustained way. I've only really read the books that were chosen for me in school; hence my favourite book … Pride and Prejudice, we studied that for literature. My uncle used to insist that my mother keep me pretty busy. He used to say 'free time was for boys, a woman's work is never done.' So I always had some chore to do until it was bed time."

"Oh … oh. I didn't know how strict your family was. Well we should look on the bright side. Maybe together we could try finding out some of the things you like."

"Yeah maybe we could." Her answer signaled the end of that line of conversation and he was grateful when she supplied the next topic. It was a natural continuation of the conversation, "What kinds of things do you like doing Edward?"

"I actually have several hobbies. I like doing things outdoors: fishing, horseback riding, gardening of course and swimming. I was actually on the swim team at school. I did pretty well; I've got a few medals to show for it."

"Really? You like the outdoors. I would never have figured you for an outdoor kind of guy. I mean apart from the gardening you're pretty much always at home."

He understood the question that was inherent in her reply. She wanted to know what had changed him so he answered her unspoken question "Yeah I sort of gave that up when you came to Guaico. That had more to do with my fear of losing you to someone else rather than with any conscious decision to give up doing the things I liked doing. I guess I just always wanted to be around you to make sure you didn't find anyone else. From the moment you came I saw Jake's reaction so I kind of got paranoid." He smiled. Even admitting this to her now he realized that he had serious issues with his brother, issues he'd have to work out someday.

"Well maybe we could try doing some of the outdoor stuff together. See if I'll like it; kind of a trial and error approach." she suggested.

"That sounds good to me. As a matter of fact I'll make a call tonight and see if I can make arrangements for us to do something tomorrow. How does that sound?"

"That sounds great Edward"

"Okay well I guess I just got a second date." He paused for a while before continuing with a smile, "If all goes well we'll be on our third date before the end of the week."

"I guess so."

"That's good. Third dates are important as far as dates go you know."

"Why is that?" she questioned.

He smirked before continuing, "I hear that some women put on the third date. Is that how long you think we should wait?"

"I was prepared to _put out_ tonight so the answer to that question is completely up to you." She replied smiling back.

"Well I guess after our date tomorrow we'll have to go on another date tomorrow night. That'll bring our total up to three."

"As you wish Edward." She replied grinning

Edward was pleased with how their conversation had gone. He could not remember the last time he had been so comfortable talking to a woman, well a woman other than Mrs. F and now that they had broken the ice and had discussed the way forward he felt comfortable enough to move on to the next part of the evening. Dancing.

"How about we try one of my favourite _indoor_ activities right now? Would you like to dance Bella?"

"Sure."

He took her hand and they made their way quietly to the dance floor. He thought it quite fitting that 'Hold on My Heart' by Phil Collins was playing. It was an oldie but it certainly reflected what he was feeling right now. He needed to be careful not to rush in with Bella this time. He had to take things slowly.

Hold on my heart  
just hold on to that feeling  
we both know we've been here before  
we both know what can happen

Hold on my heart  
cos I'm looking over your shoulder

please don't rush in this time  
don't show her how you feel

Hold on my heart  
throw me a lifeline  
I'll keep a place for you  
somewhere deep inside

Hold on my heart  
please tell her to be patient  
cos there has never been a time  
that I wanted something more

If I can recall this feeling  
and I know there's a chance  
oh I will be there  
yes I will be there  
be there for you  
whenever you want me to  
whenever you call I will be there  
Yes I will be there

Hold on my heart  
don't let her see you crying  
no matter where I go  
she'll always be with me

Hold on my heart  
just hold on to that feeling  
we both know we've been here before  
we both know what can happen  
So hold on my heart

They moved slowly to the song in silence. It was impossible to talk over the music but he didn't mind. He liked the fact that they couldn't talk any more. He just wanted to hold her close and feel her body against his. Bella was so sensual without even knowing it. She kept rubbing her body across his in all the right spots and it was turning him on. He knew he'd need a cold shower before he went to bed but he wouldn't trade this closeness with her for the world.

They danced together for several more songs before calling it a night. On the way back home Bella insisted that they stop by the drug store and was pretty insistent that she go in alone to get some multi vitamins. If he hadn't spent the entire evening with her he'd think she was embarrassed because she had to go in to get pain killers to prevent a hang over. But he had spent the entire evening with her and he knew she had not had anything to drink. He actually didn't mind waiting for her in the car since it gave him an opportunity to call his long time friend Carl Sullivan who was in charge of the riding school in Guaico. He wanted to make arrangements to take Bella horseback riding tomorrow but he wanted it to be surprise. He was happy when Carl said that someone had cancelled their three hour one o'clock session so that would give them plenty of time for Bella to get in a one hour lesson and for Edward to take her for a ride and possibly a picnic before heading home.

Bella was soon out of the store and in the car with her neat little bag of vitamins.

"I got on to my friend and everything's set for tomorrow's date."

"Ok. I'm sure I'll enjoy your surprise Edward. Whatever it is." She smiled but he could tell from her face that she was tired. The multivitamins were probably a good idea. She continued, "I just really would like to get home and have a good night's sleep. I'm just feeling really tired"

"You can adjust your seat backward and take a nap on the way home if you want to."

"Nah, I'll wait until I get home. I need to use the bathroom before I go to bed so 'I'll wait up till we get home"

"Alright Bella whatever makes you happy. I had fun tonight Bella I hope you did too"

"Yes I did. I had a really great time tonight"

"Good" He decided not to say anything more; it was apparent that she was really tired. He was thrilled that she'd enjoyed their date and he couldn't wait to take her riding tomorrow.

He just knew she would love it as much as he did.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four: Certainty

She couldn't wait for him to get to bed. She needed to be alone; needed privacy. But as Murphy's Law would have it just when she wanted him to hurry up, he slowed down. He seemed to take forever to get ready for bed and what's more it seemed he wanted something from her; something he just wouldn't come out and ask.

"So Bella I'm off to bed." He said while standing still and looking directly at her. It both puzzled and annoyed her that he was announcing that he was going to bed but he didn't seem to be actually moving in that direction; in fact he wasn't moving at all.

"Ok Edward. I'll be up shortly." She replied hoping to speed him along.

And yet still he didn't move. It was though he was expecting her to say something more or to make some kind of offer. He was the one who had turned down sex earlier. So she couldn't figure out what he was hanging around for now.

"Well I guess I'll see you in the morning." And he finally went upstairs after another long pause.

Bella was relieved since it seemed as though he would never leave. This was already nerve wrecking. She would not have been able to do it if she knew he were downstairs too and could walk in on her or ask to use the bathroom before she was finished.

Even though Bella had dressed for bed, she had hung around downstairs because she knew it was time. She'd had enough of the uncertainty. She needed to know once and for all. She couldn't believe that she'd found herself in this position; this uncertainty but she needed to know. She'd had enough of the conjecture, supposition and old wives' tales.

The exercise itself was a simple one, pee on the stick and wait five minutes for the result - two stripes positive and one stripe negative, but she had to admit that she was very nervous. She understood at her very core that there would be significant consequences of the two stripe result. While she knew Edward wanted children, she couldn't help but think about the strain a child would put on their already fragile relationship. She was so unsure about so many things: how a pregnancy would affect their relationship, how Edward would respond to a pregnancy now and most of all how she felt about the prospect of being pregnant.

But she knew she was getting ahead of herself. She wasn't even sure if she was pregnant. She had to remember to take things one step at a time; to concentrate on the present, on the issue at hand - the test. It had been relatively simple to convince Edward to stay in the car so that she could buy the test without his knowledge. In spite of all her uncertainty, she was sure of one thing; that she didn't want him to know that she was taking this test.

At least she could take comfort in the fact that the test would be a simple one to do. She'd drunk enough liquids at the club to ensure that she would have no trouble peeing when she got home. It hadn't been intentional but she'd felt so comfortable talking to Edward at the club that she'd had more than her fair share of virgin coladas. The liquid was now weighing heavily on her bladder and she couldn't wait to use the bathroom.

So, she peed and she waited for the requisite five minutes. Five minutes which seemed more like five hours. She used the oven timer on the stove to count the time and when it finally dinged she walked quickly across the kitchen to turn it off. She was wary that it might alert Edward and cause him to come down to ask what was cooking. When she was sure he wasn't coming down, she made a bee line for the toilet. She'd been cautious, not wanting to take the chance of leaving the stick in the general bathroom area for fear that he'd come down unannounced to use the bathroom. So she'd carefully wrapped the stick in a napkin which she stuck in a basket on the shelf in the toilet.

Bella retrieved the stick and with her eyes closed, carefully unwrapped it. She opened her eyes slowly, turned over the stick and saw …

Two stripes.

Without giving it a second thought, Bella shook the stick vigorously as though that could somehow change the result. The room began to spin and she sank to the floor. She didn't know what to do; she was totally confused. Now just wasn't a good time to bring a baby into the equation. She was just one date away from having been ejected from her home and now she was forever bound to the same man who'd threatened to send her away. She needed to talk to someone.

Her first instinct was to call Jacob. In the past she would have talked to him about anything but now she knew that while she'd talked, he had not been listening. He just never was and never would be there for her when she needed him. She doubted that he'd start that now that he was married to someone else.

Edward on the other hand had always tried to be there for her but she'd never let him. Maybe she should let him be there for her now.

Bella quickly climbed the stairs, making sure to hold on to the railings for balance. She felt so uncertain about everything that even her steps seemed unsteady now. She knocked on Edward's bedroom door. While Edward had spent the night in her bedroom from time to time after he'd left that first night, they'd basically continued to sleep in separate bedrooms and tonight he'd gone to sleep in the room that had basically become his.

"Edward?" she said his name like a question.

"Um," came his groggy reply. She let her self into his bedroom. For someone who'd delayed getting to bed for so long he'd certainly fallen asleep quickly.

"Edward, can you come downstairs a minute? I have something I'd like to show you."

"Um … can it wait till morning Bella? I'm really tired."

She didn't know how to answer him. Could it wait till morning? She really needed him now. She needed him to be excited about the pregnancy. It would calm her nervousness about it. When she didn't reply he continued,

"Maybe you could join me in bed … no sex just sleeping and you can show me whatever it is in the morning." Bella noticed that he had not opened his eyes during the entire conversation and she surmised that he must be really tired. She weighed her options and decided to join him because she didn't want to sleep alone. She'd tell him in the morning. It just wouldn't make sense to tell him when he was this exhausted.

Bella climbed into bed next to Edward and he instantly snuggled close to her. He put his arm around her and adjusted himself until they were in a spooning position. For once she appreciated the fact that he held her. Everything would be fine in the morning.

"Good night Bella. We'll talk in the morning," he grumbled.

"Good night Edward."

He next morning, Bella left Edward in bed as she usually did and went down to prepare his breakfast. She was glad he didn't get up the same time she did since, she would have had no choice but to tell him what she'd learnt last night. Even before she got out of bed her conviction from last night had begun to wane. As she made his eggs and toast a new resolve was formed. She decided that it really wasn't best for her to tell him right away. They'd been through too much recently and a baby would only complicate things. She knew she'd have to tell him sooner rather than later but now just wasn't the time. She'd taken care to dispose of the evidence so she was certain he would not suspect anything.

Just as she finished making his breakfast, Edward descended the stair and made his way to the kitchen. They exchanged greetings and before he could sit down to eat, the telephone rang. Bella rushed to answer it because she knew he might still be tired but Edward got to it first and picked up the receiver,

"Good morning." He answered groggily, confirming her suspicions.

"Hey. What's up Jacob?" she could tell from his expression that he was surprised to get this call. Indeed it was somewhat strange for Jacob or for anyone for that matter to call at this hour. He paused while Jacob spoke, "Yeah next half hour would be fine," he said pausing again "Okay, well I guess I'll see you both then."

"That was Jacob. He and Leah are coming over in a few minutes. He said there's something they need my help with. … I can't figure out what it is for the life of me."

"Yeah that's strange. I wonder what he wants."

"I haven't got the foggiest idea. But we won't have to wait long to find out. He said they'd be coming over in about half an hour."

"I guess we'll have to wait till then."

As they conversed, Edward settled himself down to eat breakfast. He always ate heartily and had often complemented her on her cooking. But this morning she could tell he was distracted. There was something that he wanted to ask her.

"Bella … do you know why Jacob is coming here this morning?"

"No I don't Edward. I'm as much in the dark as you are." She could tell he wasn't satisfied with her answer.

"This doesn't have anything to do with what you wanted to talk to me about last night does it?"

"No it doesn't. I told you I don't know why they're coming."

"Ok Bella. I hear you."

Before she could reply, she heard the ding dong of the doorbell. Jacob's timing couldn't be worse. She needed to finish this conversation with Edward and she told him just that before she left to let Jake and Leah in. She let them in and before either of them said hello all the mystery evaporated.

She was certain she knew exactly what they had come to discuss.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five: Leah Speaks.

"Good morning Bella. I called Edward this morning. He's expecting me." Jacob said as he walked into the door closely followed by Leah.

"Good morning Jacob … Leah. I know he's expecting you. I was in the kitchen when he got the call. Have a seat." She replied and to Edward she called, "Edward … Jacob and Leah are here to talk to you."

"I'll be right out." came his reply.

"Can I get you guys anything?"

"No thank you. We've already had breakfast," Leah responded. Jacob nodded his agreement.

"Well Edward will be with you any minute. Please excuse me while I go upstairs and freshen up." And with that statement, she left them in the living room. She knew she was over Jacob but it was still awkward being in the same room with him and Leah. She felt uncomfortable but consoled herself with the fact that she'd only recently begun to see through him and she needed to allow herself time to adjust to her new feelings.

Just as she got to the top of the stairs she heard Edward's voice as he greeted his brother and sister-in-law. She decided to hang around to see if her suspicions about their impending announcement were correct.

"Morning Jake … Leah" Edward boomed.

'Morning Edward." They chorused in unison. It always amazed, or more like annoyed, her that they almost always spoke together.

"What brings you two out this way this early in the morning?" Bella had to admire her husband. After all that Jacob had done to him he greeted and talked to his brother with a civility that very closely approached friendliness. She considered Edward's ability to talk to him, despite the pain Jacob had obviously caused him, a sign of strength not weakness. It took true strength and courage to control one's basest urges and to rise to the level where one could treat even lowlifes like Jacob with dignity.

"Well Leah and I have a big favour to ask."

"Ask away."

"I know we've asked a lot of you and Bella already by asking you to support our marriage announcement. Now we need your support again and more than your support we need your construction skills."

"Construction skills? What are you two building?"

"Well we've been at home with dad for the duration of our marriage and we think its time to move out on our own."

"But you guys have only been married a couple of months." Bella could hear the veiled amusement in his voice. "Why the rush? I'm sure dad is glad for the company. He always did like to have his family around him."

"Its time Edward. Our family, mine and Leah's and with the new baby on the way, we just need more room." Bella was dead on the money. It seemed that the old wives' tale really was accurate. She'd noticed the little vein pulsing in Leah's forehead when she greeted them by the door.

"Did you just say new baby? Is Leah pregnant Jacob?" Bella could tell he was happy for his brother. She wondered though if it were her imagination or if she really detected a hint of jealousy in his voice.

"Yep." Bella could hear the pride in Jacob's voice. She wondered what Edward was thinking; what he was feeling. She regretted having retreated upstairs since she would have got a good opportunity to gauge Edward's feelings on the topic from his reaction to Jacob's news. "Leah and I are expecting. She's one month along."

"Congratulations … to both of you."

"I know it's sooner than anyone expected. It's sooner than we planned but you know how these things happen. The rush of love that you feel when you get married, it sort of makes you throw caution to the wind."

"Yeah … yeah I know how that goes." Bella could hear the ring of disappointment in his voice. That had not been the way it had gone with them. She'd been so caught up in her feelings for Jacob she'd never been a proper wife to her husband. There had been no rush of love in their marriage. Not then and certainly not now. They were just now getting to know each other.

"Maybe we can go to your study and start looking at house plans. I already have some ideas in mind but I really wanted your opinion. I mean you've built you and Bella a lovely home here."

"Yeah sounds like a plan. Leah, will you be ok here until Bella comes back down?"

"Yeah I'll be fine. You guys go ahead and look at your plans." Leah replied obviously smiling.

Bella waited until she heard the men retreat before she hurried to her room to get changed to come back down. Once down stairs she quickly settled herself on the sofa opposite Leah.

"So Leah you're carrying Jacob's child." Bella tried her best to keep all traces of bitterness out of her voice. She had once dreamed of being the mother of Jacob's children; had even planned how she would tell the entire family at a picnic. She knew that she did not want to take Leah's place anymore but she still couldn't figure out if she wanted to be in her own place. "That certainly was quick."

"We didn't plan this Bella. It just happened. We didn't plan any of this."

"What do you mean you didn't plan any of 'this'? What is the 'this' you're referring to?"

"We didn't plan the pregnancy; didn't plan on falling in love; didn't plan on getting married. Sometimes things don't go according to plans, they just happen. Sometimes love just happens."

"You seem to be hinting at something Leah. Why don't you just come out and say it." Again, she tried her best to steady her voice and remain calm but she was getting tired of Leah's attempt at subtlety.

"I know that you and Jacob had a relationship that ended suddenly when you and Edward got married."

Bella's jaw almost hit the floor. She couldn't believe Jacob had told Leah about that. It was so humiliating to think about what else he may have told her.

Leah continued, "I also know that you don't like me very much and that's understandable. Jacob and I began our relationship at your wedding, at a time when you probably still had feelings for Jacob."

"That's not true. Jacob had no right to tell you about what went on between us. That was private."

"Before you protest any more just hear me out. Jacob and I are married. We tell each other everything. Isn't it the same with you and Edward?"

Bella could not answer that question. She would not answer it. "That's between Edward and me."

"Well anyway Jacob knows about my past relationships and I know about his. I just wanted to let you know, and this is not meant to pre-empt anything that he intends to say to you, but he really is sorry for all the ways he's hurt both you and Edward. He's trying to make amends in his own way."

"What happened between Jacob, Edward and I is none of your business Leah." She couldn't believe that Leah was being such an upstart. Her smug self-righteousness was wearing on Bella's patience.

"I know that you're talking from your pain but it's time to let it go. I'm just asking that you don't hold on to past hurt Bella. Not now, not when this family is growing. Our child will need his or her aunt and uncle."

"I repeat Leah. I would prefer if you stay out of this. It has nothing to do with you."

"Au contraire Bella. It has everything to do with me. I'm carrying Jacob's child and I'm as much a part of this family as you are. Jacob and I are happy together but he's not happy about his relationship with the two of you and he's concerned about your relationship with Edward. Anything that gives my husband pause is of concern to me."

"Well don't bother your pregnant little head about his relationship with us. It is what it is and it's not going to change. I can't speak for Edward but I hate your husband and that's not going to change anytime soon."

"Bella they say love and hate are opposite sides of the same coin. Maybe you need to let go of your true feelings for Jacob. He has moved on and you need to as well. Edward obviously loves you very. Why don't you focus on loving him and forget about Jacob. You wouldn't harbour such resentment, hate if you will, toward him unless you still had feelings for him. It's time to let go."

"You are wrong on so many levels Leah. Like I said maybe you shouldn't worry your pretty little head about it. Excuse me I need to get something to drink can I get you anything?"

"I didn't mean to upset you Bella. That's the last thing I wanted to do. I just hope that we can all have a closer relationship. I know it would make Jacob very happy."

Bella thought that Jacob's happiness was the last thing that she cared about but she said nothing about it. Instead she said,

"Leah, you're pregnant. I don't think now is the time to discuss this." Bella had had enough of the conversation. Leah had hit the nail on the head in too many areas. She didn't appreciate being reminded that it was so obvious to everyone that her marriage to Edward was not happy. She felt embarrassed that Leah, who she really did not like, was the persons to remind her of it. It hurt all the more because Leah and Jacob's relationship appeared to be idyllic. "I'm going to get that drink. Can I get you anything?"

"No, thank you Bella."

Bella hurriedly retreated to the kitchen. On the way there she passed the study. She heard Jacob's and Edward's voices even though it seemed they were making an effort to keep their voices down.

"I'm really happy for you and Leah. This is the best news you could give me. I'm going to be an uncle."

"Yeah uncle is great but what about becoming a father? You and Bella have been married for a while now. Why not get your feet wet so to speak? I'm sure Bella would be … agreeable."

Bella couldn't believe he was being so direct and actually encouraging his brother to get her pregnant. Edward's answer would be useful though. She waited with baited breath for it.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six: Plans and Apologies

"Wow that was direct Jake!"

"It's just that the news of Leah's pregnancy made me so over the moon happy I just want that same happiness for you and Bella, Bro" he paused awkwardly before continuing, "I … I know I haven't always been the best brother to you. I've done some pretty hurtful things in the past … with other girls you've liked and with Bella. I wish I could just go back in time and take it all back but I know I can't. I just figured if we're both, and by that I mean our wives, if they're both pregnant it would be pretty neat for us to go through the experience together."

"I hear you Jake and I accept your apology." Bella could only smile at Edward's not so veiled attempt to get Jacob to apologize plainly.

"Yeah I'm really sorry about it about all of it."

"Thanks … thanks for apologizing but I still don't get why you did it Jake. I mean it was like a habit with you. The minute you knew I was interested in a girl you went after her guns blazing. You've really hurt me a lot of times over the years and Bella, well I can't even begin to explain how much it hurt when you went after her."

"I know, I know and again I'm really sorry about that. Leah has helped me understand, and before your eyes pop of your head yes she does know. She knows everything about me. She's been like my own personal counselor. I was a real mess after you and Bella got married. Leah really helped me through that time. I know it must have seemed that I just callously moved on after you and Bella got engaged but it was really hard for me to deal with losing her. I didn't expect to develop feelings for her, it had never happened with any of your old girlfriends so I didn't expect it to happen this time. But Bella is just an amazing woman. So I fell for her. Hard." The admission stunned Bella. It also provided a cathartic moment.

Jacob had loved her; he didn't just use her to provide sexual relief. The confirmation of this fact coming from Jacob himself helped her to let go of him. As simple as the statement was, it helped her feel less of a loose woman, less of one of Jacob's bimbos and more of a woman who had been in a relationship that just didn't work out. She'd hated him all these months because she'd felt as though he'd used her and it made her feel dumb and naïve that she'd allowed it to happen. Now she new he'd fallen too and it gave her a sense of peace. She could finally let go of him.

While Leah was really annoying and had spoken to her totally out of turn, she was completely right. Bella's dislike for Leah was predominantly because Jake had fallen for her. The fact that he'd fallen at all for someone when he hadn't, or so she thought, fallen for her, and at her wedding no less had made her bitter. She'd felt totally humiliated. And she'd loved him so much then it had really hurt.

Even as Bella eavesdropped and began mulling over what she heard, Jacob continued, "Leah has helped me see that the reason I went after your girls in the past was just plain old fashioned jealousy mixed with a little bit of low self-esteem. You always got all the attention from the ladies when we were growing up. Mrs. Fenrick, Mrs. Thorpe, Mrs. Allen, they just couldn't get enough of you. They were always gushing about how you were so cute and respectful and hard working and how they couldn't wait for you to grow up and get married to one of their daughters. No one ever said that kind of thing about me and I resented you for it. So I guess I just spent a lot of time proving to you that I could get any girl that you could get or that you wanted. I know now that it was petty and mean and uncalled for but I didn't know that then. It was really pretty stupid of me to blame you for the things other people said about you."

More and more Bella was realizing that even though Jake appeared super confident he, like everyone else, had his own issues to deal with. He'd felt like he'd lived his entire life in Edward's shadow and stealing Edward's girlfriends was the only way he'd figured out how to get out of it. She felt sorry for him and she was glad that he had Leah to help him through his issues.

After Jacob's speech, Edward finally spoke up, "I had no idea that you felt that way Jake. That you felt intimidated by me. That's really hard to believe. I grew up terrified by girls, women on the whole and you thought you needed to prove to me that you could take them away from me? I wasn't even in the race for them I was so scared." He paused before continuing, "but Bella … Bella was different. She is different. I was really in the race for her or at least I tried to be and the hurtful part is that you knew I was trying to win her and you still went after her. I didn't mind with those other girls but I minded with Bella."

"Yeah I know but don't you see that in my screwed up logic that very fact made her the perfect target? It gave me the opportunity to show you that I could get the girl that you actually wanted. Like I said I'm not proud of what I did but I was pretty screwed up and jealous of you back then. I know that I can't erase the hurt I've caused but I'm sorry for it."

"Yeah I know you're sorry." Edward smirked and Bella understood that he had used the word sorry to play on its double meaning. And just like that she knew that he'd already forgiven his brother. Bella was learning that Edward's heart was really big and that she'd made a huge mistake by not giving him a chance. Now, she could only hope that there was room in his heart to forgive her too.

Jacob understood Edward's play on words and laughed heartily before continuing "So what about my question then? What about you and Bella trying for a baby?"

Again Bella's ears pricked up. She was particularly interested to hear his answer. So many things rode on that answer it was remarkable. When he finally did answer it was not the answer she'd expected.

"Now just isn't a good time Jacob. Bella and I have some ... issues to work out first before we bring a baby into this world. Sure I'd love to have kids with her someday but just not now. It wouldn't be right to bring a kid into this relationship now."

"Ok Bro. I guess you know what's best for your own relationship. I guess I'll just have to tell Leah that I gave it the good old college try."

"Leah? She put you up to this?"

"Yeah she did. Guess she thought it would help us repair our relationship and she really likes Bella and thought it might be kind of neat for the two of them to be pregnant at the same time."

"Well maybe they could do it together on Leah's second time around; which may not be too far away at the rate you too are going!"

"Yeah yeah, can we just look at some house plans?"

"Plans it is," came Edward's reply

Bella was stunned. Edward did not want children with her now. She didn't know what to do. She had planned on telling him before their third date but now she wasn't sure. She was half dazed when she drifted away from the study to kitchen. She prepared her drink like an automaton. When she returned to the living room she completely zoned out on Leah who for some reason was apologizing profusely.

By the time the men emerged from the study, she felt like she was in a dream. Jacob and Leah left her in that same state. She could not even be bothered to wonder what they thought about her. As soon as they were out the door, she made a quick excuse and retreated up to her room where she did the only thing she could think to do.

She cried herself to sleep.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Healing

When Bella got up the next morning, she felt much better than she'd felt the night before. Edward had said he didn't want kids now because there were issues in their marriage that they needed to work out. Bella just needed to get on an accelerated programme to fix their marriage. She figured she had three months tops to do it since by her estimation she was already at least two months pregnant and since it was her first pregnancy, she'd probably be able to hide her stomach until she was five months pregnant. So with that timeline in mind, she spent the morning figuring out ways to win her husband back.

She thought about offering him sex as often as she could, but shelved that idea when she remembered that he'd said he wanted them to work on their relationship as well as their sex life, so sex alone wasn't going to help her progress as fast as she wanted to. She thought about cooking all his favourite foods for a month. That too went out the window when she recalled that while he had always commented on how much he loved her cooking, she knew that cooking alone would not be enough to win him back. In the end Bella surmised that she'd just have to bite the bullet and try to build a relationship with him the old fashioned way; through talking and getting to know him and letting him get to know her. She just hoped that three months would be enough.

Satisfied with the plan she'd hatched, she made her way downstairs where she heard Edward moving about in the kitchen. She thought that now was as good a time as any to start putting her plan into action.

"Good morning Edward." She greeted him brightly.

In response all she got was a very cautious, "Good morning Bella."

As she busied herself making his breakfast he continued, "You certainly seem more upbeat than you were last night."

"I guess I am."

"What may I ask is the cause of this sudden change in behaviour? You practically scared Jake and Leah away yesterday."

It did not slip Bella that he was now referring to his brother as Jake. She'd rarely ever heard him use that nickname and she was glad that he'd obviously had some form of closure with Jake as a result of their conversation yesterday.

"I was just a little under the weather yesterday and it made me very distracted. But I'm fine now. Did you and Jacob find any useful plans yesterday?" Bella immediately noticed how he again became cautious when she mentioned his brother's name. She knew exactly what the cause of it was; she sometimes felt she could read him like a book. He hated it when she showed any interest in Jacob's affairs. He might have overcome his fear that Jacob was going to try to take her away, but he still didn't trust her feelings for Jacob. So she tried to ally his fears,

"What can't I ask after Jacob's well being? I know you guys were looking at plans and I just wanted to know how that was going."

"It went fine. We didn't find the perfect plan but at least we were able to zone in on the things that are important to them as far as a house goes. You know with their baby on the way they've got pretty specific needs."

Bella didn't miss his reminder that Jacob and Leah were pregnant. She wished she could tell him why _their_ pregnancy was the least of her concerns right now. Instead she simply replied, "Yeah I guess so." And just like that she was stumped. She didn't know how to get this derailed conversation back on track. Fortunately she didn't have to try since he spoke next.

"Bella, yesterday I was thinking about our relationship and about how we know so little about each other and I realized that I really don't know much about what your life was like before you came to Guaico. I don't even know if you had any boyfriends before Jacob." After a long pause with no response from Bella he continued, "Well did you?"

Bella wondered where this was coming from but she didn't let her surprise keep her from answering him. At least he was steering the conversation in the right direction; the getting to know each other direction, He was helping her to put her plan into action. So she happily responded, "No I didn't. Jake was my first boyfriend. I wasn't allowed to have one while I was at school. I told you before that my family was very strict."

"I know you said so before but I guess I really didn't know the extent of their restrictions on you."

"Oh their restrictions were many! I really had no life outside my home. It was just school, home and chores. Forgive me Edward; but I'm surprised to hear you say that you didn't know how strict my family was. Isn't that how you got me here in the first place? I'm sorry for being so blunt but I think its best we try honesty this time around." Her words were harsh but she was not. She hoped it was obvious that she was just trying to be honest since she knew he would appreciate her honesty.

"I didn't know what it was like for you back home. We arrange marriages in this country all the time Bella and it does not necessarily meant that the girl … or woman is from a strict or rigid family. In fact lots of women actually have a say in whether or not they will allow their parents to arrange their marriage and a lot of them have other relationships before they agree to an arranged marriage. In your own case, your family didn't tell you that you _had_ to come here and marry me. They allowed you to come here and to get to know me before we got married."

"Yeah they did, but they didn't give me a choice Edward. They sent me here into a situation in which I had to marry you despite … anything that may have happened. The marriage was a done deal. It was just matter of time. You knew that. You knew you had the right to demand that I marry you and when you were ready you called the shot. I had no say in it. My family completely abandoned me to that fate. And you, I've often wondered why you waited so long to demand that I marry you. It never quite made sense to me."

He didn't answer her question but instead replied "I never realized that was how you felt about it. I guess that's why you've treated me that way during our marriage … that and the fact that you've never forgiven me for the first time we were together."

Bella knew that as hard as it was she had to continue being honest with him so she replied, "No I haven't. You hurt me Edward and not only physically, you hurt me mentally as well. You forever tainted the memory of what was a beautiful first experience. So many of my friends described their first experience to me and it was never pleasant. A lot of them were forced by their husbands, especially those in arranged marriages but I got to have a beautiful first experience until … you did what you did."

Edward didn't reply for a long time and just when she'd almost convinced herself that he would not respond he answered, "I know I hurt you and I'm sorry Bella. I was wrong. I know that now. I didn't know it at first. I was just so hurt that I couldn't see past my own pain. All I saw was just another woman that I loved who was rejecting me and who was doing it in the worst way; by letting some idiot have sex with her. You wouldn't have known it but Jake had quite the reputation for using women. And he's gone after girls that I've liked in the past. You weren't the first girl I liked that he had sex with but in your case it hurt more than any other time he'd done it. I was just so angry. I thought you were a quiet girl and you'd be less likely to fall for his tricks. I mean I did notice that you were falling for him but I never guessed in a million years that he'd get you into bed. When he did I just saw red. The fact that it was in the house that built for us, in our future bedroom was just an additional punch to the gut."

"Why didn't you take that rage out on Jacob? Why didn't you punch him? Why did you have to hurt me Edward?" she almost pleaded for his response.

"At the time I didn't see it as his fault. I was raised to believe that those kinds of situations were always the woman's fault. After Esme left all I ever heard was how it was her fault. 'If she'd just kept her legs closed and been satisfied with what she was getting.' In Carlisle's mind she was completely wrong for allowing herself to be seduced by that Pastor. And I guess I blamed you for letting him seduce you more than I blamed him for seducing you. I know now that I was completely mixed up and I'm so sorry."

Edward paused but she didn't interrupt him. He obviously needed to get this out and she needed to hear it. She knew that if they had to move on, they couldn't allow their first time together to continue to be the white elephant in the room. Before long he continued "I know that in my parent's case it really was mother's fault, she was married to Carlisle and she had two children. She never should have got involved with the Pastor at all. But, it was different with you; you weren't involved with me, except probably in my head, you didn't owe me anything. So your involvement with Jacob should not have angered me as it did. But at the time, you were the only woman I'd ever got that comfortable around and I had always pictured us sharing or first time together. I figured we'd be comfortable together our first time. A big part of that comfort was the fact that you were a virgin like me. I figured you wouldn't know if I were incompetent if you didn't have a comparator. But, there you were getting a comparator right in front of my very eyes and one who obviously knew how to please women no less. I was devastated and I just lashed out. I'll regret that for as long as I live. It's just something that I can't take back."

"I know you're sorry Edward and I wish I could give you the answer you want and say all is forgiven but I just can't; at least not yet. I'm closer though. Closer that I ever thought I could get to forgiving you. I guess I just maybe need some more time." She tried to reassure him with her smile. She knew he was beating himself up over what had happened between them and as a result had allowed her treat him appallingly badly during their marriage as a result. It was ironic that she would now have to be the one to help him get his confidence back. Bella thought she'd give him a break for now. There was no more progress to be made now on the matter in any event so she changed the topic,

"I was wondering what you had planned for our second date?"


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Under the Trees

"That's a surprise Bella. I've already got things planned. Just dress comfortably, I'd suggest a pair of jeans, and I'll be home in time for us to leave at one o'clock." Edward said in response to Bella's query about where they were going for their second date.

"Edward that's not fair. I'd really like to know where we're going."

"Just rest assured you'll have fun. Trust me ok."

"Well since you won't tell me where we're going, I guess I don't have any choice but to trust you. So I'll see you at twelve then." Bella smiled.

"I'll be in the garden if you need me before then."

Edward left Bella in the kitchen busying herself with the preparation of lunch. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so happy. He and Bella were actually talking like an actual couple, like friends. He hoped with everything that was in him that things would work out between them. He couldn't help remembering what Mrs. F had told him. He needed to show Bella who he really was and that's why he planned on taking her horse back riding today. It was one of his favourite pastimes and he couldn't wait to share it with her. But more than that he wanted to invite Jacob and Leah along. He and Bella had been wrapped up in their little cocoon for far too long; they needed to interact with other people, other couples. So as he walked to his garden he called Jacob,

"Hey Jacob."

"Hi Edward."

"I was just wondering if you and Leah are free at around one today."

"Yeah I think we're free." Then Edward heard him call to Leah to confirm whether they were indeed free for the afternoon. He couldn't help thinking that they really had a great relationship and he envied them that. They consulted each other all the time. He knew he and Bella were not at that point yet but he hoped they would get there eventually.

"Yeah Edward, we're free. Why?" Jake asked.

"Well I was planning on taking Bella to Carl's Horse Ranch for riding lessons and a picnic and I was wondering if you guys would like to come along?"

"That sounds like fun let me ask Leah if she's up to it." Another pause while he sought Leah's nod of approval on the double date. "Hey Edward?"

"Yeah Jake. I'm here."

"Yeah bad news dude. Leah doesn't think it will be safe for the baby if she goes horse back riding."

"Oh. Well maybe you guys can come along just for the picnic then. You guys can eat or take a walk or whatever while Bella and I ride for a while and then we can meet back up for the picnic. With Leah pregnant I'm sure she won't mind eating twice." He laughed.

"Surprisingly Edward she's not eating a lot right now and I don't know if she'll be able to withstand the smells. So maybe we can take a rain check?" Edward could hear in his voice that Jacob was sorry that he had to say no to the date.

"Ok. I guess it's just me and Bella then. I'll take you up on that rain check sometime soon."

"Bye Edward."

"Bye Jake. Talk to you later." He said hanging up. It would be just he and Bella. That wouldn't be too bad. He felt sure that she'd enjoy the horses.

So, after a tough morning in the garden Edward returned home, showered and dressed. He was relieved to find that Bella was still in the shower. It gave him the opportunity to pack the picnic basket without her knowing. By the time she emerged and got dressed, he'd already put the basket and blanket in the car. He knew she still had no idea where they were going and he enjoyed watching how it unnerved her.

"Close your eyes Bella. It's just around the corner."

When she didn't oblige he pulled the car to the side of the road, tied two of his handkerchiefs together as a makeshift blindfold and tied it around her eyes. As they pulled up to the entrance of Carl's he parked the car, got out and opened Bella's door. He carefully helped her towards the entrance of the Ranch and just as he swung the door open, Bella began complaining,

"Whoa, Edward?"

"Yeah Bella."

"I think I need to get to a bathroom," she said while at the same time covering her nose with her hand, "Where did you take me Edward? It smells awful here! I think I'm gonna … Edward I really need to use the bathroom. Take off the blindfold. Take it off. This isn't fun anymore." Bella was practically begging him.

He removed the blindfold and took her to the washroom. She emerged a few minutes later looking a little pale.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Really." She replied. "I just need to sit down for a while."

"Ok I'll just tell Carl that we'll relax for a while before we have the lesson, that's all."

"Lesson? What lesson." Bella questioned.

"Horse back riding. That's why we're here. I figured I'd start sharing some of the things I loved with you."

"Um Edward I don't think I'm up to trying riding this afternoon."

"Wow first Leah now you Bella. If I didn't know better I'd …"

Bella cut him off, "I'm just not feeling so well this afternoon."

"Well can we at least stay for the picnic? I packed a basket. I thought we'd get something to eat after we rode."

"Yeah that sounds great, as long as we move away from the stable area. This place smells putrid."

"We can do that. I'll just call Carl and cancel the lesson."

After he made the call they soon settled in a cool shady spot under the large Poui tree that stood on one of the fields on Carl's farm. Edward had brought some cucumber sandwiches, a couple of beers for himself and a bottle of cranberry juice for Bella since he knew it was her favourite. As soon as they settled Bella struck up a conversation,

"Edward, thank you for bringing me here. It really is peaceful and serene. It makes me feel like just lying back and closing my eyes."

"Feel free Bella. You can rest your head on my lap if you want to." As soon as he said it he realized how awkward the invitation was. He was relieved though when without any hesitation or objection she took him up on his offer and laid her head down in his lap. She closed her eyes and after a few minutes of silence she began speaking,

"Hey Edward, when we were talking earlier I was wondering why you asked me about whether I had any boyfriends before Jake?"

He wondered how to answer the question and he thought he'd follow her cue earlier and just be honest, "I've sort of been wondering lately if Jake was your only other experience. You know if all the things you like or don't like in bed are based on things you did with him. I pretty much know most of the stuff you guys did so I just wanted to know if there was anything else that you did with anyone else."

If Bella could sense his discomfort she didn't let on instead, answered quickly,

"Yes Edward. He was the only one; other than you I mean. Why?"

Edward had to admit to himself that he still felt nervous about being able to please her in bed but he hoped that if they spoke openly and honestly about their likes and dislikes it would make it easier if not less nerve wrecking. So he continued,

"Bella I just found myself thinking about what kind of things you enjoy … in bed."

Bella opened her eyes and looked him directly in the eyes before asking, "Edward is there something you wanted to ask me?"

"It's just that I wanted to know what kind of things you'd want to do when _we_ do have sex. I want sex between us to be good this time so that… there are no regrets afterwards." He said.

"Ok … ok … but I think you already know most of the things I like." She blushed. Suddenly this conversation seemed just as hard for her as it was for him.

"I wouldn't be asking if I did know Bella. You haven't enjoyed most of the things I've done in the past so I just wanted to hear from you what kind of things you'd like _us_ to try."

Edward was trying to be specific because there had always been things that were off limits between them. He needed specific answers; needed to know exactly what kinds of things she would be prepared to do with him.

"Oh … this is kind of embarrassing for me Edward. I'm not used to talking about sex in that way."

"Neither am I but I think we have to talk about it if it's going to get better between us. Maybe it'll be easier if you close your eyes; if you don't look directly at me."

"Ok." She closed her eyes before continuing, "Like I said Edward I think you know most of the stuff I like. I like … being fingered. I like being touched, caressed … loved. I like switching to different positions but my favourite is … or rather would be with you on top with us lying close."

"You mean missionary position. That's what they call it when the guy's on top"

"Yeah I guess that's it … missionary position. And most of all I like … no I love oral sex it really gets me in the mood to have sex." Bella blushed a bright shade of red when she mentioned oral sex.

Edward sought to reassure her; make her comfortable. "I read that most women enjoy it. Maybe we should try it the next time we make love. I'd love to try it with you … or on you rather." A smile played across his lips at the thought of pleasuring Bella in that way.

Bella's response was immediate, "No Edward you misunderstand me. I don't like having oral sex performed on me. I don't like that at all in fact."

"Oh … I assumed. It's just that I've always read that women really like that so naturally I presumed that was what you meant."

"No I actually don't like it _at all_."

"Oh, that's unusu…." then it finally dawned on him, "Oh. So if you're not talking about having it done to you then … you must be talking about doing it ..." Edward paused and shifted uncomfortably beneath Bella before continuing, "to your partner." He couldn't believe where this conversation was going. He only hoped that he hadn't misunderstood what she'd intended to convey. So he sought clarification,

"So you liked performing oral sex on Jake right?"

"Yes I did"

"But would you … do something like that with me?" He hated having to ask but he needed to be sure.

She blushed again, "Of course I would Edward. Isn't that what we're talking about? Things we'd like to do with each other. I knew I said never before but that was in the past. Things have changed now."

His only reply was "Ok" He knew that a grin had crept across his face but he couldn't help himself. Bella had just said that she'd give him a blow job. He was on top of the world. His only regret was that he'd asked her to put her head in his lap. Her frank admission that she was prepared to perform oral sex on him was affecting him below the belt. He had dreamt of it so many times in the past but had given up hope that the dream would become a reality. So wrapped up was he in his thoughts that he almost jumped when she questioned,

"So Edward you have a fair idea what I like in bed what about you? What kinds of things do you like?

He had to literally shake his head before answering, "I don't know if I'll be able to give you the correct answer to that question right now Bella. There are so many things that I've always wanted to do with you that we've never tried. If I answer now I'll give you the wrong impression about what I like."

"Maybe I'll save my question till after the third date then."

"Yeah maybe you should save that question till later tonight."

"Sounds like a date."

"Yep. And no surprises this time. I'm going to treat you to a nice home cooked meal."

Bella just smiled.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Third Date

After all the excitement of the horse farm Bella was looking forward to a quiet evening at home with Edward. She was also looking forward to sampling his cooking. Apart from the breakfast he'd made for her a few mornings ago, she'd never tasted his cooking. From the time she'd come to Guaico to work on the Cullen farm she'd been cooking every day. There was another reason she was glad he was cooking, it presented her with an opportunity to pamper herself in preparation for their date this evening. She did not forget what he expected to happen this evening and she wanted to take special care to get ready.

They'd already had breakfast and lunch and just as Edward was starting to prepare the ingredients he got a call from Carlisle. After the call Edward said he needed to make a quick trip over to Carlisle's. Bella took the opportunity to help him in his preparation of their meal, she seasoned the chicken and peeled and washed the vegetables that he'd already taken out. She didn't cut them up since she didn't know what he was cooking (he'd kept that much a secret) and therefore she didn't know how he wanted the vegetables cut up; whether diced, julienned or chopped. When she'd helped as much as she could with the prep, she covered everything and headed upstairs to begin her beauty regimen.

She climbed the stairs, headed for her room and drew a warm bath. She filled the tub with warm water and poured in some strawberry bath salts. She remembered that Edward always commented on how he loved the smell of her hair, so she figured she couldn't go wrong with anything strawberry. As she soaked in the tub she let her hair get wet and soak up the scent of the bath salt. When she was done, she shaved, gave herself a manicure and pedicure and slathered her skin with Japanese cherry blossom body butter. She didn't want to go into overkill with the strawberry. She rubbed the rich cream into every, well almost every, place she knew Edward would touch tonight.

Edward knocked on her door and announced his return from Carlisle's before heading to the kitchen to pick up where he'd left off. She hoped he'd be pleased that she tried to help him with the cooking. It certainly was not that she didn't trust him to do it himself. She'd just wanted to help out. As she heard his footsteps retreat downstairs, she made her way over to her closet and retrieved the box that she'd only ever touched once in her marriage. She felt ashamed now when she remembered that the only time she'd ever worn anything from the box was the night she'd decided to torment Edward after he'd announced that there would be no more sex in their marriage until she asked for it.

Now as she sat, she rummaged through its contents. She'd got so many pieces of lingerie from her friends when she'd got married. She remembered her bridal shower. Alice and Rosalie had each given her five pieces and she also got items from a few of the other girls that Edward had invited. At the time she'd looked upon the items with suspicion; regarding them as things that Edward had picked out himself and asked his friends to buy her. Now she realized that they were just gifts from women who had wished her the best in her marriage to Edward. She remembered every outfit and the remarks made as the ladies presented the gifts to her; the French maid outfit, the little red riding hood outfit, the nurse's uniform, the pirate outfit and so many more but none of them would do for tonight. She figured she'd save the themed outfits for later. Tonight she needed something simple but sexy; something that could fit under her outfit without arousing his suspicion. She knew exactly what she had in mind and after a few short minutes she found it. It was a red bra and panty set that Alice had given her.

The bra cups were two incredibly small triangles of embroidered appliqué lace attached to a red ribbon at the base and to two ribbons at the apex of each triangle. The bra did not have a clasp at the back but was instead worn by tying a small bow at the back using the ribbon to which the base of the two triangular cups was attached. The panty was no better. It too was a small triangle with two ribbons attached to each side of the top of the inverted triangle and one ribbon was attached to the apex of the triangle. Unlike the bra the panty basically did not exist as a panty per se until it was tied into place with a little bow on the wearer's tailbone. Much to her own surprise she had no difficulty putting on the lingerie by herself. She knew that the use of bows would also mean that Edward would have no difficulty in taking it off when the time for taking it off came.

On top of the lingerie she wore a fitted long sleeve top with a short skirt that stopped just about six inches above her knee. This time she was purposefully going for Alice's feel up theory. The skirt would give Edward easy access if he so desired. Bella herself was amazed at the fact that she really would have no difficulty with him feeling her up if he wanted to. She knew this in itself was a significant change from just a month ago when the thought of allowing him to would have turned her stomach. She had really grown up a lot in a short time. She'd had to do a lot of growing up, for her baby's sake, for her marriage's sake and most importantly for Edward's sake. She had been so horrible to him during their marriage and she really wanted the opportunity to make it up to him.

Starting with tonight.

She had to make things right between them. She retrieved a slip of her writing paper and penned a short note to Edward. She'd present it to him after they finished their meal. As she finished the note and put it in an envelope, she felt a wave of tiredness wash over her. She knew that she needed to take a nap and she glanced up at the clock in her room. Edward had said he wanted to get started at six o'clock and since it was now quarter past five she had plenty of time for a short nap.

She lay down on her bed and was only awakened by a knock on her bedroom door and sound of her name,

"Bella… Bella are you awake?" came Edward's voice from the other side of the door.

She realized that she'd dozed for longer than she'd intended when a quick glance at her clock revealed that it was in fact six fifteen. She jumped from the bed and quickly fixed her clothes and hair while answering,

"Yes Edward I'm up. I'll be down in a minute."

As soon as she opened her door she was assaulted by the smell of something terrific.

"Edward, wow. Something smells really good."

She could see that he enjoyed the complement as a smile slowly spread across his lips. As she watched the smile grow she noticed for the first time how incredibly sexy his mouth was. She didn't know if it was all the talk about sex earlier in the day or if her pregnancy hormones were just driving her wild again but she just couldn't wait for him to put those lips on her mouth, neck and breasts.

"Um Bella? Are you ok? Why are you biting on your lower lip?"

His questions made her focus on the rest of his face and from the smirk that played across his features she could tell that he knew plainly why she was biting her lip. The thought of him knowing that she was thinking of sex with him made her blush,

"Um nothing Edward…. Are you ready to eat," she replied as she made her way downstairs with him following a few steps behind. Damn the English language. She realized that her words could have two meanings – he could eat the meal or he could eat her – she knew he was sharp and would pick up on the two meanings.

"I've always been ready to eat Bella. It's just that you never let me before and as a matter of fact, you told me today that you don't like to be eaten." He said from behind her. She could hear the smile in his voice. He was being deliberately provocative.

She had said that hadn't she? What a dumb ox she was. Now she regretted having said it because as she looked at his luscious lips she had pictured them not only on her upper lips but on her lower lips as well.

"I was referring to the meal you've prepared Edward. Are you ready to eat that meal."

"And I was referring to the meal you've prepared. You smell great."

This was surprising. She'd never know Edward to be so sexually bold. She didn't know how to respond. She wondered if he sensed what she was wearing under her clothes. No. That was impossible. She ignored his sexual innuendo and asked,

"So what did you cook? Come show me." And with that she made her way hurriedly to the kitchen. As she stood in the middle of the room inhaling the scents of the delicious meal he prepared, and it had to be delicious nothing that tasted bad could smell this good, he approached her from behind and began detailing the dishes he'd prepared,

"Shrimp Scampi made with garlic, butter, Brandy; cheesy Brocolli and choclate pudding for dessert." As he named each dish, he stepped closer to her until she felt his body fit flush against hers. "But Bella I'm having a _hard_ time concentrating on anything but desert."

Bella could feel just what he was talking about and as he pressed his erection into her backside he breathed heavily into her hair. Edward rested his hands on her hips and slowly slid them up her sides until they came to rest on her breasts. He moved her hair to one side so that her neck was fully exposed to him. Bella could feel his hot breath on her neck and she knew that if she didn't take control they'd never make it to the actual third date. She removed his hands from her breasts with the intention of turning around to face him and ask him about dinner. But … as she held his hands in her he let out a massive sigh that derailed all her plans for the evening. There was absolutely no way she could resist the need that she felt rolling off him in waves. So instead of leading him to the dining room, she kept a hold of his hands and lead him to her up the stairs and to her bedroom.

"No." came Edward's voice

"No? I thought you wanted this?" Bella questioned.

"I do, but let's go to my room, not yours." He removed her hands from hers only to take hold of her hand and lead her to his room.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty: There's a First Time for Everything

As Edward opened the door, Bella took a look inside and was amazed. He had made the bed with crisp white linen sheets and scattered on the sheets and on the floor around the bed were what appeared to be hundreds if not thousands of red rose petals.

"I know you love blue hydrangeas but you just can't beat the look of the red petals on the white sheet." He smiled.

"I .. I .. it's beautiful Edward. When did you get the time to do all this?"

"I collected them when I visited Carlisle today. I want tonight to be perfect. Just like you are."

"I'm not perfect Edward. Far from it. But you on the other hand you're, the kindest, gentlest, most patient man I've ever known. And I… I love you Edward."

She could see the effect her words were having on him. His eyes had always been the window to his thoughts. She knew he was reveling in her admission and in one fluid movement he closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her. He looked her straight in the eyes before planting what turned out to be the most passionate kiss she'd ever had in her entire life. And that was saying something. She felt totally swept up in that kiss.

When the kiss finally broke, she took the opportunity to steady herself and her thoughts. She wriggled free from his grasp and presented him with her note. If she couldn't have the rest of the evening go according to her plans at least she could have this her way. He looked at her questioningly and she realized that he was puzzled about the note.

"Open it."

"Now?"

"Yes now."

He continued to question her with his gaze but he opened the letter nonetheless. She studied his expression as he read it and she remembered what she'd written,

Dear Edward,

I know that I haven't been a good wife to you in the past but I'm going to try with all my might to make it up to you. I know what's going to happen tonight. It's the third date after all. I also remember what you said all those months ago; that we wouldn't have sex until I asked you so I'm asking now, "Would you please make love to me?"

Love,

Bella

Edward stared at the words on the paper and ran his thumb across as though the note were written in Braille. Bella observed him carefully as he closed his eyes and carefully rested the note at the foot of the bed. Slowly, he turned his head in her direction, opened his eyes and looked at her intently. He lifted his hand and slowly caressed her lips with his thumb until they parted. Just as her lips parted he replaced his hand with his delicious mouth. If Bella thought his kiss before was passionate, this kiss trumped it _in spades_. Edward kissed her as if his life depended on it. He gently massaged her tongue with his own and as he kissed her she felt his hands leave her neck, where he'd placed them, and slid down to her breasts.

He massaged her breasts sending a shiver down her spine. Bella's nipples had always been extremely sensitive. She whimpered as he moved his hand and lifted the bottom of her top. He was headed back up to her breasts but he took his time in getting there, caressing her smooth, flat stomach on his way there. When his hands finally arrived at her bra she noticed that he paused. She was glad that her choice of underwear was having the desired effect.

"Bella?"

"Yes Edward."

"What are you wearing … under your clothes I mean?"

"Why don't you take off my clothes and find out?" it was more of an invitation than a question. Edward understood this and accepted. He grasped her top at the waist and lifted it over her head. The look on his face when he saw the bra was priceless. She noticed that he visibly swallowed hard as he eagerly undid the clasp of her skirt and tugged it past her hips. As her skirt slid to the floor Edward drank in Bella's skimpily clad body and Bella saw a look of lust in his eyes.

"Do you like it Edward?" she questioned as she slowly spun around revealing the fact that the entire outfit was being held in place only by tied bows.

"Uh-huh" was the only response he could muster.

"Would you like to unwrap your present Edward?"

"I certainly would." He said as he walked around her taking in her body. He stopped when he was close enough behind her that he almost made contact with her body. He pulled her to him, moved her hair and began a fresh assault on her neck. He kissed her shoulders while continuing to massage her breasts through the bra. Edward began kissing his way down her back and Bella's head fell forward as she enjoyed his ministrations. How is it that she'd never noticed that his lips felt so divine on her skin? She'd been so angry with that she'd completely shut herself off from the pleasure that he was capable of giving her. Not anymore not after tonight.

He kissed each shoulder blade and when he got to the bow of her bra, he undid it with his teeth. Bella groaned. Edward's adventurousness tonight was having a very good effect on her. As he continued kissing his way down her back he slipped his hands into her underwear and began making slow circles around her clit. She was pleasantly surprised to note that he found it without any guidance. Bella began to wonder when her husband had been converted into this sexually confident man who certainly knew his way around her body. Was it that he was this good all the time and she'd never noticed or was it as Mrs. Fenwick said now that he was feeling more confident with her he'd become a better lover. Who cared at this point she just wanted to enjoy what he was doing to her and to return the favour to him.

As Edward continued to rub her clit, Bella could feel the wetness begin to seep through her panties and all the while Edward continued kissing her back.

"Edward?" She could hear the tremble in her own voice and she knew that he would hear it as well, "Could we move this to the bed?" her knees were getting weak.

He obliged and guided her to the bed, placing her face down on it. It was apparent that he had not finished paying attention to her back. Edward's lips were driving her crazy. After making his way down her back he used his teeth again; this time to undo the bow that held her panty in place. He kissed down her butt and then he put his nose in her crotch and took the deepest breath she'd heard him take for the night. That sound sent Bella over the top. She clutched the sheets as she moaned his name loudly.

Then … then … he kissed her on her pussy and inserted his tongue into her. Bella didn't understand what was happening. It had never felt that way when Jake did it. She tensed up and Edward sensed it.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No .. no Edward .. please don't stop."

"So you like it huh?" he asked, a smile apparent in his voice.

"Could we not talk now Edward? Could you just suck me?" She moaned.

"Gladly Bella, gladly."

He turned her over and buried his face in her crotch. Bella melted. The sensation was like nothing she'd ever experienced. She wondered if this was the first time he given a woman a blow job. It couldn't be he was just too good at it. She'd have to remember to ask him later but now, now she just wanted to enjoy what he was doing. She rode the wave of pleasure that he was giving her and tried her best not to wriggle too much. She lost the battle when he inserted first one finger then two just as she showed him when he'd first fingered her. Bella felt the heat of her orgasm rising in her core. She held onto his head for dear life and bucked her hips into his mouth.

And just like that she had her first orgasm from oral sex.

She could not believe what had just happened. She was so dazed that she did not realize he'd moved up from below her waist until he planted a kiss on her lips. Bella tasted her own juices.

"So do you like oral sex now Bella?" He asked while kissing her neck.

Bella could not answer. She covered her face with her hands.

"Don't hide from me Bella. Don't ever hide from me." He removed her hands and kissed her mouth again. As he moved on top of her she felt his arousal pressing into her. She reached down her hand and began to stroke him. She knew that now was not the time to give him his first blow job. With the rush of emotion that was flowing between them she knew he would not last long and he would not get to enjoy it properly. She could save it till later in the evening.

"Oh Bella" he groaned as he pumped his erection into her eager hand.

Bella opened her legs and positioned his engorged member at her entrance.

"Hold a minute Bella. Let me get a condom." As he moved to get one from the dresser at the side of his bed, she held onto his wrist and stopped him.

"You don't have to Edward. You don't need to use a condom"


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty-One: Mouth Wide Open

"It'll just take a second Bella."

"I know that Edward but sometimes a second is all it takes to kill a buzz. We're right in the middle of things here. If you leave now the mood will be lost."

"No it won't be lost Bella. I've planned everything not only the roses on the bed. It's right here in the bedside table."

After a noticeable pause she continued, "I know it'll just take a second but what I'm trying to tell you is that you don't _need_ to use a condom."

"What do you mean I don't need to use a condom? I know things are going great between us but we have to be responsible Bella. It'll just take a second, less than that really and certainly less time than its taken us to have this conversation. Just let me get …."

Edward stopped cold.

Why was she pressing the point? Did she want to get pregnant? He couldn't let that thought in. If she didn't actually feel that way the loss of this little hope would shatter him. Things were obviously getting better between he and Bella and to hear her repeat the fact that she didn't want to have his child would be devastating. Even in the face of this dire possibility, this potential loss of hope, he had to press on. He just had to know if she'd changed her mind about carrying his child.

"Why don't I need to use one Bella?" He knew that she could sense the curiosity and impatience in his voice. "Bella apparently that orgasm has left you a bit muddled," he grinned, "We both know that you are not ready to have a baby right now, I know it's not what you want. And I can wait." He muttered the last sentence so softly that he was pretty sure she had not heard it.

"Maybe you don't have to wait."

"Bella you don't have to get pregnant to prove anything. I know you love me … especially after what just happened. But we can wait. We can take some time to strengthen our relationship before we take a step like that. We don't have to rush into anything."

As he spoke he looked her straight in the face and noticed that a red blush crept up her cheeks

"Edward, I …"she trailed off mid sentence.

He knew the expectation; his sense of urgency was plain in his face and he didn't want to deter her from speaking. He could see that something was weighing heavy on her mind and he needed to her to be frank with him, "Bella, come on you can say it. Whatever it is it will be okay. We'll be okay." He tried coaxing it out of her and just when it seemed she'd never speak up….

xxxxxxxxxx

"Edward, you don't need to use a condom because…" and just like that Bella found that she couldn't tell him in this moment. He was talking about waiting so that they could build their relationship. She knew she'd have to tell him but just not now. So instead she pushed and turned him until they had switched positions so that she was now above him. Instead of ruining the moment by telling him something he obviously did not want to hear, she decide it would be better if she tried to show him how she now felt about him.

Their relationship would be better served if she waited.

So she kissed him passionately and moved her fingers down his chest until she found his engorged member. Oh yes he was hard. And if temperature and pulse were any signal of need, then Edward was desperate for relief. She'd try her best help him with it.

She trailed slow kisses down his body as his hand went behind her head and began stroking her hair. It seemed that he knew what she was about to do and was encouraging her. The discussion about condoms seemed long forgotten as there was now a new reason, an obvious reason, why he didn't need to wear one.

Again she was amazed by his size; she'd always had difficulty sucking Jake for too long, it had always strained her jaw. But Edward he was significantly larger than Jake. She wondered if her mouth was up to the task. She circled his dick with her hands and began giving him a hand job, gently rubbing it up and down while giving it a gentle squeeze. Her mouth was practically salivating at the thought of sucking him off. She purposely let her mouth hover over him while she rubbed him. She knew the effect it would have on him and sure enough she heard,

"Oh Bella …" as he used his hand that had previously been stroking her hair to try to hasten the arrival of her mouth on his member.

Bella looked up and saw that Edward's head was thrown back and she knew that eyes were closed. He was eagerly anticipating his first blow job and she felt up to the task of making it an experience he'd never forget.

"Look at me Edward." She waited until he lifted his head, opened his eyes and looked at her. His eyes were filled with need. "I want you to see the first time your cock disappears into a woman's mouth. Don't close your eyes."

He groaned.

She slowly sucked the tip of his cock into her mouth using her tongue ring to tease the tip of it swirling it around the head. She took it deeper into her mouth sucking gently as she stroked what was not in her mouth. Slowly she felt his grip on her head tighten as he rolled his hips so that he could push more of his cock deeper into her mouth.

His breath was ragged and Bella could feel the tremors that had a grip on his body. She kept sucking on his cock moving her head slowly up and down his shaft. She increased her speed until she was bobbing her head up and down. Edward let go of her head and gripped the bed sheets as if for dear life. She studied him carefully his eyes were closed again and she knew that his explosion was near.

He said "Oh yeah.. I'm going to cum Bella."

He put his hand on her head and tried to remove her head from his lap. He was obviously trying to 'save' her from having his spunk in her mouth. She firmly removed his hands and continued with her ministrations. She moaned as she sucked hard pulling him in until she sucked his cock deep into her mouth. She could feel the throbbing of his cock as he was about to explode in her mouth. She stroked his cock gently with her hand then took it back into her mouth as she sucked it deep into the back of her throat.

"Ahhhhhhhhh…" he groaned as he was unable to hold it any longer. He came deep inside her throat and she swallowed it all.

Bella continued licking him clean while he struggled to regain composure. Giving blow jobs was so awesome. She crept up the bed and lay down next to him so that she could observe him. A few minutes later she noticed a goofy grin spread across his face and with his eyes still closed he said,.

"Bella that was .. that was better than I ever imagined it could be. And believe me I have fantasized about it for so long I had it really built up in my head. Geez Bella, I've heard guys talk about it but they've never done it justice. And … you swallowed! Fuck I think I could die a happy man now."

"Don't die Edward. Don't die now. If you did your son or daughter would never know you." He looked so happy she decided that now was the time to take the plunge.

His face froze. He opened his eyes and turned to look her straight in the eyes. His brow scrunched and it was obvious that a question was coming. After what seemed like an eternity he finally questioned,

"What did you say Bella? What did you just say?"

"I said your son or daughter would never get to know you if you die now."

"I heard what you said. I'm trying to figure out what you meant by what you said. What son or daughter are you speaking about Bella?"

"The same one that makes using a condom now unnecessary. The same one that's right now swimming around in my belly."

"Bella you're pregnant?"

Edward was pale but surprise and joy were evident in his voice. It made Bella wonder why she'd ever delayed telling him in the first place. He was obviously overjoyed. Bella breathed a sigh of relief.

Finally! Things were looking up for she and Edward.

**AN: Sorry about the long hiatus dudettes! Just wasn't finding the zest to work on the story. Spent a lot of time reading Leah fanfiction. Love her as a character. Actually started some fanfiction with her as the main character. Just love her spunk and the way she does not just fall all over the place over men. Love a girl who puts up a fight (DUH look at my Bella!). Promise to finish this story before I post anything new. PLEASE REVIEW. It'll really help me finish. I know the story is winding down but is there anything you'd like to see before we leave the now happy couple? Reconciliation with Leah perhaps? Drop me a line.**


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